Stories and Tales Directory



Stories and Tales Directory

Our lives are filled with moments and memories and this is what this series of stories looks at and into. I write in a black and white fashion and yet my life is oft filled to the brim with grey. All the tales here are true, no fiction, just facts, you may find some humerous whilst others are purely recollections. They look at my life and the journeys l have undertaken to be the person of today.

I have always been clumsy, long before l knew l sat on the spectrum of autism with my Asperger’s syndrome, so many of the stories are filled with the ‘Duh Me’ moments of my travels. They look at my times when living in Malaysia and Australia as well as living in England. They reflect back on my times during the days of my careers such as catering, or when l worked within the adult industry as both an escort and as a writer for magazines, my times within retail and advertising, my days of travelling or even during the many years l worked my own business with the exotic livestock industry and there are some that sit in the very grey arena of mysterious and downright spooky when l tried my hand at ghost hunting. But also another series looks at the prankster in me.

Doin’ The Dirt is a gardening series concerning myself a brown fingered gardener as in composting and my partner Suze the green fingered gardener as in vegetable gardening.

Hopefully you will find some of these ‘musings’ as light hearted and fun reads. In essence they simply make up my life.

Rory Matier


Stories and Tales Directory

Born 1963



Along Came the Spiders 1968


Ganja Gardening 1969

“Our Little Secret!” 1969

Butterfly Dipping 1969

Splat!! 1969

The 9 Lives Theory 1969


Cold Broken Walls and Piles 1970

Ice Du Morgue! 1970


The Neon Riddle 1968 – 1971


Adventures with Henrietta the Huntsman 1973

Farming Gone Wrong 1973


Gift [An Overview] – 1975 – Present


Bugs vs. Ladybumps 1976

The Flat Furry Duck 1976/77


The Human Trout 1977


The 7 Left Shoes! 1973 – 1978

Fork Off! Fork Off! 1978

Killer Orgies at my School aka One Boob Too Many!! 1978

More Tea Headmaster? 1978

“The Incident – we shall not discuss this again!” 1978

Parental Invasion – The ultimate scare!! 1978

Pandebamboomonium! 1978


Everybody’s Squirrelling 1979

Mr Inappropriate Full Story 1979

If Anyone Knows, Warty Nose!! 1979

Ten Green Bottles And Then Some! Christmas 1979


Jerk You Burk – In Service to the Queen 1980

Don’t Call Me Sir – Chef!! 1980

A Bold Decision 1980

Forever in Blue Jeans 1980

Stop Needling Me … PussyCat! 1980


The Lone Nutman 1981

France First, The World After 1981

Ducks Love Bread Sir! Honest! 1981

Whistling Up Red Cabbage Come Condom! 1981

Urban Eggheads – If You Go Down To The Woods Today ….. 1981


Easy Peasy Lemon Squeezy! – I Cried Me A Lemon! 1982

The First Time Tickle 1982


Nothing Quite Beats Pipe Music! 1983

The Dracula Tour 1983 – Full Story


Passport Control Greek Style 1984

A Tipple Too Long – The Archers of Malibu! 1984


Mars Calling! 1985

The Wall 1985

“It’s No Safe Here Constable!” The Full Story 1985


Fashion Passion – Pass The Peanuts Please 1986


Dental Express Nothing To Smile About!! 1989

Food is Food, However It Looks, Right? 1989

Bathtime Timetables – Trains, Ferries, Coaches! 1989-1991


The Art of Wearing only a Smile 1991

The Naked Strewthpidity of Camp Tantra 1991

Accidental Entry 1991


From Dooalot to Doolittle 1993

Got You -The Challenging Bobo! 1993

Mr Burly’s Snug Fitting! 1993


When in doubt call for Man 10! 1994


Oh Myyyyyyyy God! 1995


A Right Pigs Ear 1997

The Great Escape – The Full Story 1997


Who Poopa Da Boots?? 1998

Run, Skip and Hop Degu 1999


A Tipple Too Far – Party Conga! 1999/2000


The Sex Tape 2001

Ding Dong The Witch Might Not Be Dead! 2001

What a Right Randy Rupert! 2001

Hot Chilli Kat 2001

Magical Moments … well for me anyway! 2001


Barking Mad Minis – Broken N 2! 2002


Sulcata Knows Nose! 2003

That’s Just Baaad Pygmy 2003

Alpaca Right Now! 2003

Pepe Twas NOT Heavenly Scent! 2003

Mini – Series – Episode 1: There May Be Trouble A Head 2003

Mini – Series – Episode 2: We’re Only ‘Making Plans For Nigel!’ 2003

Mini – Series – Episode 3: Close Encounters of the Herd Kind! 2003


One Too Many Raccoons 2004

It’s a Fair Cop You Dirty Rat 2004

The Babysitter …. oops! 2004


One Way or Another 2005


“You’re Gonna’ need a Bigger Boat Skip!!” Part 1 2007

“You’re Gonna’ need a Bigger Boat Skip!!” Part 2 2007


Even Grim Can Be Funny 2009


14 – 48 Yesterdays’ Bombshells 2010


What A Dilemma – The Sequel 2009 – 2012


50+ First Dates Didn’t Prepare Me for … … dating at 50! 2013


Things That Go Bum In The Night! 2014


Rabbit Testicles, Frog Droppings!! 2015

The Wet Patch 2015

Hashtag Hash!! 2015


Little Georgie 2017


What – Did She Just Say That?? 2018

Warts And All Boar 2018

The Elusive Farting Goat 2018

Bear Necessities 2018

Don’t Call Me Gym! 2018


Doin’ The  Dirt … Eh 2018


Shirt, Tie and Runaway Blazer!

Anything, Just Not Babysitting Again!

Am Not Bot

Dog Food Party!

Cows a Running!

Blue Skies Above?

Shitty Motorcross!

First Date Jitters

Not That Wire Mr Frizzy!

A Butterfly Too Far!

Cobras On The Wind!

Heads’ Up Skiing Antics Before First Date Disaster!

There Be Cows In Those Fields Skipper!

Nothing Beats A Big Fry Up

The Mad Chef of Ockley!

A Microbreakfast!

Cooking Gone Wong!

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