|Originally Titled Walking On Eggshells!|
Last time Reblogged May 2019
|Classic Eggshell Moments – Redbubble Designs|
|When l first ever wrote these articles it was in 2016 for the Redbubble journal BUT, l had initially written these words in the chapters of the books l was writing about my autism between 2010 – 2012 and the books followed my diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome in 2008. For the first three to four years following that diagnosis, l was very angry at the world, at people, at my family, at life and at myself ………. but between the years of 2017 – 2021 – l have become more accepting, more so than ever before of not merely my diagnosis, but more importantly me, myself.|
I am not someone who lives in the label of autism, although some think l do – labels are important as identification and direction as in knowing who you are and which way you are going and where you have come from – but they do not define you, you define you. My Asperger’s doesn’t define who l am, my life and my experiences in life make me.
Following my diagnosis in 2008 to around 2015, l would have described myself as VERY autistic, and now some 6 years later, it is not that l am any less autistic … no, it is mostly l am accepting of my autism, and now it doesn’t bother me … because l have limitations and boundaries – l know what keeps me balanced.
Writing these articles again today is sometimes difficult, because l have changed so profoundly and l look back at the original writings and see how far l have come, not just as an autist, but purely as a person, labels aside, autism aside, diagnosis aside – l am simply me
… and more importantly – l now know that ‘THAT’ is more than enough for me and all that matters!
I shall start this with ….
People have always annoyed me …. l penned the original “Walking on Eggshells” article way back in 2016 when l was at that time publishing them direct to the Redbubble store journal until l closed that down in January 2018. People annoyed me before l wrote the article otherwise WHY write the article in the first place? Whilst l wrote it to describe a particular style of my Aspergian or to be correct autistic behaviour, let’s be honest, you don’t need to be on the spectrum to be annoyed by people! You don’t have to be an introverted individual, or merely shy – you can be anyone to be thoroughly annoyed by people!
Not everyone annoys me and also, as l have aged l have found that my tolerance for people has increased marginally – not totally, but marginally and that is way better than ten years ago when l couldn’t even tolerate a smidgen of stupidity let alone annoyance. Now l am able to put up with stupidity, ignorance and imbecility from a society that seems to be hellbent on annoying everyone in its path!
All the designs above sum up my feelings, emotions and behaviours towards society ……….. not all of them are still available for sale, but many are and thankfully not all of them are precisely who l am these days …well as long as you don’t push it too much!
But, l have noticed more that over the last few years – that whilst being social still can tire me out at times, l have found especially with blogging l can withstand being social for slightly longer. I don’t pretend to be a party animal, or a social butterfly – because l am NONE of those things and more importantly, l now know that l don’t have to be.
People have two choices with me …. accept me for who l am or don’t. I am never rude to people on a deliberate basis, and these days it does take a lot of nonsense to really goad me into anger – but l have more experienced boundaries and limitations established now – as in l KNOW what and who l like and what and who l don’t. So l don’t need to tiddle fart around being nice to people l have no desire to be nice to. I just don’t have anything to do with them. There are not many of those anymore and as said, l am mellowing up …although it’s more like ‘l can’t be arsed to be bothered’. But that is helped along by understanding and accepting my limitations – don’t push and pull me about and we’ll be fine!
Of the designs above, which of them would l say are still me to a tee though? Mmm, well … l would say the following 3 are still very much me and the rest are only partially the me of today although more so if someone pushes my ‘good nature’ too far!
|Being Social is Overrated!|
|Me, Myself and I|
|I am not anti-social, l am selectively social|
I wake up most mornings and get out of bed, perhaps not bright eyed and bushy tailed – but l am out of bed by half seven every morning give or take the occasional 5 minutes either side of the clock, pretty positive, more so after my shake and a coffee! I am not in a bad mood or a good mood, or even any mood, l am just ‘awake’ with no fixed mood status active’. If anything, l am just good natured in the mornings.
I used to be a night person, and way way many years ago, l used to be a morning person – well l am no longer a night person as past 1am, l tend to be a little like some sticky glue pot and l am not a morning person like Suzanne who seemingly can yabber on without stop. Her chatter bemuses me, how can anyone talk so much first thing in the morning!? Her early morning banter doesn’t annoy me, Suze was always like this even when we were a couple together … she would always awake as a chatterbox!
I like a little bit of quiet in the mornings …. l like to wake up down key mode that’s all. Chatterboxes used to annjoy me years and years ago, but l am no longer bothered as much, some people talk in the mornings like Suze and some like me … don’t, now l mostly listen.
I have never slept that well, and whilst my sleep patterning now is easier and thankfully l no longer suffer with insomnia [probably because l am too tired physically and mentally to not be tired these days], l don’t get a lot of sleep, although l do get a block of between 5 – 6 hours a night now, and because of that stability, l find l can tolerate more …. even annoying people!
But also, l am now more balanced all over in so far as my ‘social behaviour’ …. l don’t have meltdowns like l used to, but then again, l no longer mix with lots of people on a daily basis. Today l hardly mingle, but it’s not that l don’t – l do, l simply am with people that don’t piss me off – l can even tolerate the ‘nutters’ more than ever before – life’s too short to be angry all the time, to have meltdown after meltdown – the secret is always ‘know your limits’ and you can put up with anything.
The last time l penned these down as ‘boundaries’, they haven’t shifted that much either – they are the golden rules l adhere to to live a peaceful life …
|Avoid argumentative people|
|Keep off the path of stress.|
|Accept the truth that at times YOU can’t control everything.|
|Find your tribe and or community.|
|Keep calm, life is simply too short to be angry every day!|
|There is a truth to the less people you know ….|
So as l started with “People have always annoyed me ….”, l shall now add …“but not enough to kill them and hide their bodies in a deep and dark hole!” So l consider that real progression!