Questions below, but first ….
Trisha from over at Learning Life and l have been engaged in a conversation following on from my Dear Blog – 19.58 – 28/08/21 and we have been recently discussing the formalities of the funeral ceremony.
My father wanted a very formal funeral, but not with any religious bent to it despite the fact that he was by birth a Roman Catholic. He was simply not religious at all – also he wanted a no frills attached affair, BUT he wanted those attending to wear blacks and greys to pay forwards their last wishes. He was cremated and my sister has his ashes. He didn’t have a formal wake, it was a spread at a pub.
My mother wants also a no frills funeral but wants everyone to wear bright colours to celebrate her life rather than my father’s wish for everyone to celebrate his death. She also wishes to be cremated and her ashes to be scattered.
For me, l am not fussed what happens – for sure a no frill affair, l would be as happy being burnt to a crisp and scattered as l would be if l was planted into the ground to come back as a tree or better still dump me into the local compost for the worms to feast upon. Death is death and l am not going to be there to see if people attended or not and in truth, l am not really that bothered about the fact of whether people are there or not. Celebrate my life with me when l am alive and when l am gone l am gone. Remember me as l was when l was alive. But that’s is just me, l’ll not be alone in those perhaps morbid albeit realistic thoughts as others will think like me anyhow also.
Trisha would like a very private but formal affair. Her death and her very final moments she is protective of – l can relate to that to a certain degree, although l view it from a different slant, Trisha views it from the respectful and loving side of her family. She has very specific requirements musically and graveside adornments and dress code – but it would not be a large affair – it would be personal, closed and private and protected.
Now l am not trying to be morbid or ghoulish here, but l found our conversation to be incredibly fascinating – because everyone has a very different approach to the final day and the formalities attached to that day. But what l have found to be the case in the last five or ten years or so is the decline in formal funerals as opposed to the rise of the no frills service. More and more people are opting to shun the more traditional formal funeral and seeking out alternatives that are also less costly, because let’s face it and be honest – the whole process is expensive and stressful, never mind those who are overwhelmed with the grief factor.
Planning and organising a funeral is a huge ahem, undertaking – flowers, plans, music, catering, people, caskets – the list is endless. I remember working with my sister after my father’s passing and although he wanted a so called private and quiet affair – the reality was that he wanted a huge showering!
Anyway, let me know below the views to the following questions …. although if you find this subject matter too personal, please don’t feel like you are obligated to answer it. It’s not being asked to offend you.
How important to you is the prayer and pomp of a funeral or indeed your funeral?
Are you likely to opt for a more traditional plan or a new alternative no frills option?
Would you wish for those attending to dress formally or casually, smart casual – would you be offended by jeans and sneakers?
Let me know below. Thanks.