Am l still yesterday’s person today l ask myself daily?
I am not actually, this year has been so distinctly profound l also ask myself daily if l am losing the plot? Am l any more madder this time this year than l was this time last year? No, but and yet, l am so not the same person that moved into this house – Willow – July 2020.
I personally felt the changes from the time l started to dress this house to my THEN personality, the identity l believed myself to be at that time. but … slowly over the next six months l started to drift away from that person. I started to challenge everything l believed in, l challenged all my beliefs from all the way through my life to the day l was questioning myself on.
I came to understand that of the many beliefs l thought l believed in, l realised that l no longer believed in a good 75% of them and upon that light bulb moment further began to comprehend that l had to change to who l really was.
But who was that? I think the question was more along the lines of well who are you no longer trying to be? Or who is it that you are not anymore? Last year saw a major identity crisis occur with me … l lost sight of who l was and l scrambled about trying to discover who l was before l lost me in the first place!
In the first three months of this year, l had to investigate my heart and soul and the first place l started with was looking into my blog and asking myself – is this still me? The answer was a profound – “Sorry mate but NO!” It must have rethought the original response, because it then continued with “Sorry fella, that might have been a little too abrupt, let me explain ….. it is you, but you need to define you further in order to see you more clearly!”
Well l thought l am glad we had that discussion that has cleared things up wonderfully …. NOT!!
It took me a few more months to fully appreciate everything and then once the epiphany hit me in the face like a concrete slab l started to change appropriately! You have all seen the results of the changes and you still do … am l happier with the blog situation at present? Yes, l am. One of the things that was causing me a lot of serious angst was social overwhelm. I don’t have problems with it anymore.
BUT, that wasn’t the only thing … my personal identity had changed with this blog, it was dividing – l needed a more homely personal blog and l needed a business blog and l saw that they needed to be completely separate which l am working at creating now.
However the changes didn’t stop there …….. l had to reflect the changes in my blog – my heart and soul – to my physical heart and soul – Willow!
In the last few days/weekish after a series of new light bulb moments, l have changed everything internally by maybe 60% – Willow, now reflects me properly today – l am still not finished either for whilst l have changed the internal decor l still have my wardrobe to attend to – l have now become anti-bright colours in my clothing – not boring, just more subdued …. maybe l am growing up more, or maybe finally l am discovering more and maturing into who l really am.
Anyway, thanks for reading. See you next time.