Dear Blog – 19.58 – 28/08/21

Am l still yesterday’s person today l ask myself daily?

I am not actually, this year has been so distinctly profound l also ask myself daily if l am losing the plot? Am l any more madder this time this year than l was this time last year? No, but and yet, l am so not the same person that moved into this house – Willow – July 2020.

I personally felt the changes from the time l started to dress this house to my THEN personality, the identity l believed myself to be at that time. but … slowly over the next six months l started to drift away from that person. I started to challenge everything l believed in, l challenged all my beliefs from all the way through my life to the day l was questioning myself on.

I came to understand that of the many beliefs l thought l believed in, l realised that l no longer believed in a good 75% of them and upon that light bulb moment further began to comprehend that l had to change to who l really was.

But who was that? I think the question was more along the lines of well who are you no longer trying to be? Or who is it that you are not anymore? Last year saw a major identity crisis occur with me … l lost sight of who l was and l scrambled about trying to discover who l was before l lost me in the first place!

In the first three months of this year, l had to investigate my heart and soul and the first place l started with was looking into my blog and asking myself – is this still me? The answer was a profound – “Sorry mate but NO!” It must have rethought the original response, because it then continued with “Sorry fella, that might have been a little too abrupt, let me explain ….. it is you, but you need to define you further in order to see you more clearly!”

Well l thought l am glad we had that discussion that has cleared things up wonderfully …. NOT!!

It took me a few more months to fully appreciate everything and then once the epiphany hit me in the face like a concrete slab l started to change appropriately! You have all seen the results of the changes and you still do … am l happier with the blog situation at present? Yes, l am. One of the things that was causing me a lot of serious angst was social overwhelm. I don’t have problems with it anymore.

BUT, that wasn’t the only thing … my personal identity had changed with this blog, it was dividing – l needed a more homely personal blog and l needed a business blog and l saw that they needed to be completely separate which l am working at creating now.

However the changes didn’t stop there …….. l had to reflect the changes in my blog – my heart and soul – to my physical heart and soul – Willow!

In the last few days/weekish after a series of new light bulb moments, l have changed everything internally by maybe 60% – Willow, now reflects me properly today – l am still not finished either for whilst l have changed the internal decor l still have my wardrobe to attend to – l have now become anti-bright colours in my clothing – not boring, just more subdued …. maybe l am growing up more, or maybe finally l am discovering more and maturing into who l really am.

Anyway, thanks for reading. See you next time.

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40 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 19.58 – 28/08/21

    1. Hey Ashley, it’s mindblowing how much change l am exploring – l laugh when l think back to as little as 15 months ago and how much l detested change and yet 15 months later and my head can’t keep up with them all 🙂

  1. Oh wow! The colors is Major! I guess you’re leaving “summer” and entering “autumn” on the color wheel and life…

    I went through a questioning in the autumn/winter of 2019 (or was it 2018?) Right before I realized I already had my answers, and thus I had my “Zen”. I’d been feeling major disruptions in the collective and it had me questioning everything…. I was manufacturing problems when there weren’t any. A true forehead smacking DUH moment finally occurred.

    Keep doing whatever feels right, even if you do a 180 after. You have to be comfortable and hopefully happy. Will we get to see Willow’s new look?

    1. No images of Willow this time around Gramma. My blog is reflecting me more, whilst l am still personal with the writing, the internal me has become more private and less social. Even the original series was taken from the blog.

  2. 🙂 Rory, it is simply a case of you evolving.

    Our taste in things does change as we grow older; one example is the way in which we dress. As teenagers, we dressed flamboyantly, whereas, as an adult, we dress in moderate types of fashion (Nothing too flashy).

    It is nice to see that you have a sincere interest in your self-discovery.

    1. Hey Renard 🙂

      Very true – l was reading an article today that was saying our personalities don’t change so much, but our thoughts, thinking and actions do and l thought ‘yeah’ l could relate to that .. like a good cheese or a great bottle of red, we become aged, wiser and more mature in our lives … as you say ‘less flashy’ 🙂

      Keep well my friend and thanks for commenting 🙂

  3. I love Ami’s comment, you do you! It is essential to keep up
    With ourselves and to take steps accordingly. It’s great that you’re happy with your choices.

  4. Not to be too sappy, but it is hard breaking out of the safety of a cocoon. When you evolve you are a different being, more peaceful and more enlightened. I hope you find the happy new you, you aim to be.

  5. We are always learning, and although we may think we are learning more and more about the external world and universe around us, we are at the same time learning about ourselves. Our identity, our sense of self – if it stayed the same – it would be a little sad I think. Although I believe you can still have certain core values based on principles that seem to always apply that don’t change drastically over time.

    1. Hey Jenna, very very true and l agree, l think if we didn’t change it would be both sad and soul destroying. My father didn’t change for twenty years and chose to live in the yesterday’s of regret and l believe it made him ill and eventually killed him.

  6. We are an ongoing work in progress. What we discovered about ourselves 10 years ago will be different than what we discover about ourselves today.

    “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” – Heraclitus

  7. This is wonderful post ❤️

    I love when people open up vulnerably and speak ❤️

    I’m glad you find yourself 🙌 and your blog 🙌

    I think 2020 woke us up and was longest year of nothing ever!!!!!!!!

    And 2021 is going faster than speed of light… but we see things hopefully and have learned some lessons ?

    Hopefully every year gets better and better 🙏❤️

    Ps … lol … I just wear a lot of black all the time

    At home I do color 😉✌️

    1. ….. isn’t black attire like the trademark colour of being a mortician anyway Trisha? I mean there is some spooky surreality to the fact that you are a Trisha, and a mortician, because remember The Addams Family and Morticia Adams. Morticia implies death and morticians trade. But if you say it fast then Morticia sounds like Mortrisha … and you are a mortician – therefore – black attire is the norm, but l have always found black attire kinda sexy.

      1. Well I “run” the funeral home – I am not actually a mortician – even though I loved “MorTrisha”… that is awesome lol

        Mortician and undertaker are old words that are not used anymore. The public typically uses those words still.

        Nowadays they are Funeral Directors. Is same thing just different name… They can do all of it, from pick up, to washing (depending on religion), to embalming, to all the arrangements.

        I am Office Manager so I just take care of the finances, repairs, reports, problems, issues, inventory, hiring/firing – when they let me… and whatever is needed – things like that.

        I do help set up decedent for viewings or private family moments, on some occasions I help with hair and make up and make sure the loved one looks good and like their photo and also help with the families from time to time… but I mainly do all the office things.

        I still wear black. Lol … black is color of mourning, so out of respect I wear ALOT of black 🖤

        It is the norm though … sometimes we splash subtle color in there but you have to be careful with color when doing funerals cause in some beliefs – certain colors mean certain things

        But black is the universal sign of mourning.

        Black is very sexy – it also outlines figures, and looks professional/classy. 🙌

        I am woman in black, who is around ALOT of morticians lol

        You really made me laugh with MorTrisha lol ❤️✌️

        1. Well MorTrisha, yes you are quite right – even over here they are now referred to as Funeral directors, l remember that title being introduced here in the UK perhaps 25 years ago now. But many people still do use the term Undertaker.

          Black attire is very sassy, even with a small amount of colour added, but l can all too well how some cultures might see it as an insult.

          I don’t want people wearing black to my funeral, they can wear what they want – it’s not really like l am going to know 🙂

        2. Is funny how words can stick in society lol

          In some cultures, certain colors have meanings. So you just have to know your family and what is ok for them.

          Lol… well, I would like if people would look nice to my funeral – but I only say that because I don’t want people coming to pay respects in shorts and tshirts or slippers like they don’t care – if you don’t care, don’t come.

          Just out of respect.

          And yes we do have some funerals where people come with jeans and tshirts … but at least they come I guess.

          No. You won’t know, so people gonna do what they want.

          But ya know, I like the respect aspect 😉✌️😘

        3. I tend to look at the fact that for me, it makes no mind what they turn up in attire wise, the point is if they are there at all in the first place, that is all the kindness l need.

          However in real truth, l am not going to bother with qa funeral with any pomp, l will be dead, l don’t need the formality of death present. I am opting for an organic service, and will not be upset if people are there or not.

          However, this conversation is an interesting topic, so l will raise this as a question to others 🙂

        4. Oh no!! I am way more protective. Nope.

          I feel those moments be extremely personal. So. I am protective in life – I feel same in death – personal moment.

          I do not trust everyone. And I’m very protective of my personal moments anyway… and death moment extremely personal to me.

          I never ask much at all. So, I don’t feel it’s not much to ask to look nice at my hour of death.

          So … in life I have a lot of pain… that’s probably why I think I am so funny lol 😉✌️ because laughter soothes the soul 😘 It also takes off pressure.

          So… in death – if you don’t love me enough to show me that one respect – then I’m good. Is death. And one thing. Last wish.

          So. It is not about kindness for me… it’s about protection. 😉😘✌️

          I am extremely careful. Silent remember 😘

          So. Just saying in rebuttal lol 😘

          I would like to have small peaceful just closure moments. Private. Quiet. I don’t want an obit. I want silent 😘 and like I said private – family and closest only. Personal.

          But I also have a playlist lol … some is sad or goodbye songs – some is see you again some day or I love you songs … so yeah all be personal. It would be me, but just personal.

          Yeah for me definitely more about closeness and sincere – protection. I want to Rest In Peace so I would like that. 😊

          I definitely want burial – am I being too morbid? – you will have to tell me, if yes.

          I want headstone – not stupid plaque on the floor. I hate that! Maybe for some people but I want the stone

          So anyway – private personal moment to me – I just like privacy. Probably ptsd or something but whatever I don’t mind. I like the security of privacy.

          So to each their own. I do not need all fancy either – just nice peaceful with those I love. I just like quiet. 😉✌️😘

        5. Well l am the same to a degree. I actually don’t wish for anyone to attend my funeral. I just want to be dealt with and case closed.

          To me, it’s just another avenue.

          Although with my mother it is more a case of celebration of life rather than the celebration of death, whilst my father was the celebration of death with trimmings of a sad life [the latter was very depressing].

        6. Awww but what if someone loves you and needs that closure? You leave a loss behind you.

          Evidentially Suze finally realized what she has 😊👌 she would be sad to lose you now.

          For someone I love – I would want to say I love you one more time… one more time before never again.

          I would want to focus on who and what I loved and who I was in life ❤️ some of my songs are funny ❤️😉

          Aww you parents sound like they were unhappy in life.

          Are you happy? Mostly?

          What is your happiest childhood memory?

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