‘You can never have too many grown up friends!”

24 Hour Blog Question Directory

An incident early part of this week, that l’ll not go into made me think of this question. I have asked variations of it over the last couple of years, and of course the conversation last night with my mobile phone service provider made me think further. As l said to Sadje only this morning, l wish l had a transcript of the conversation …. because the lady on the phone was becoming so frustrated with me because she failed to understand that l wasn’t ‘that social’, that l didn’t need a mobile phone to be social – but ultimately that l didn’t care to be social in the way she believed l should have been.

Let’s be honest, all she wanted to hear was for me to say “Sure, double what l pay per month for your new fancy handset oh goody, a new shiny phone all for me, thank you so much, super, duper, lovely!”

That’s all she wanted from me, instead she got fifty shades of why l don’t want a silly shiny social phone … and l think l shocked her a bit. Kudos to her for endeavouring to put her cue card training to the test – she brought out all sorts of lines for how having a phone would increase my prowess with making new friends and one of her lines which l found quite amusing was ……….. ‘You can never have too many grown up friends!”

That stumped for a minute and for a while l actually thought l was speaking to a variation of Jexi from the above clip – making your life better!

Once the phone call was over and done with and l had published my ‘rant’ last night, l sat down and gave this whole friendship thing a lot of thought ………… ‘You can never have too many grown up friends!” Really? But then l asked myself, well how many friends do we really need as adults? What stages are there to friendship?

For me it starts out as someone l see a little bit, facial recognition, like on a walk maybe, a smile shared, a hello and a wave – that falls into the casual acquaintance bracket, then it steps up l suppose casual friendships – like it might do with people say in the reserve where l have just started volunteering. From that point it MIGHT proceed further to where l spend some time with people – although l tend to feel a bit icky at that point, because l don’t like spending lots of time with lots of people – l spend sparing moments of time with people, prefering my own company more than others.

I am not saying l don’t like socialising with people – l do in small time pockets, but sandpapering my face and dousing myself in salted vinegar afterwards has at times the same appeal as socialising … much of the time social conversation can be banal and mundane. Not always, but then l don’t have a teeshirt that says being social is overrated for nothing …

I don’t have many close friends – l don’t not have any – for a l do – but not many, l have two but they don’t live in the UK. I also have two casual closeish friends with Rose and Baz at the shop of the same name – l like spending time with them – but l am not always there. I have quite a few casual friends, but most of those are also overseas and principally virtual.

Following on from close friends is much closer or intimate friends and l only have one true mate and that is Suze.

But, l thought on about this ……. ‘You can never have too many grown up friends!” and when l counted them, l realised that l had several, but in real time [as opposed to online] l only had three real friends, lots of acquaintances and the like but only really one great mate and 2 closeish friends … how many friends do we really need or l should say how many grown up friends do we really need?

Suze states simply that she needs more than she has and believes her circle is too small of friends of her own age group ….. l still think too many friends is overkill – l am not some kind of troll hoarding bodies! I think between 2 – 6 might be enough with an average of 4. BUT …

How many friends does a grown up actually need?

Let me know your thoughts below …

60 thoughts on “‘You can never have too many grown up friends!”

  1. I could leave a very jaded comment on what having too many adults friends could bring about, but I won’t. I have a few good friends and I am content with that number. Much to my son’s chagrin

        1. I think he worries and wants me to get out and around people even just a little more. He has a point, and there are days that its a bit lonely, but most times I am quite content.

        2. Yes l understand that. My ex – Suze is the same, she wanted to live by herself and remain friends – reason we split and l was worried for her because she suffers with loneliness at times – and whilst she can in the majority cope very well – the two main reasons she struggles today is exactly as you have listed here now … someone to talk to day to day and hugs.

        3. I can find people to talk with usually. The sad thing is most people have grown accustomed to superficial conversations. I love talking abut the different, the odd, the topics that are outside the usual. Its easy to discuss how high groceries have become, I want to discuss things such as are we living n a type matrix that will occasionally glitch? Have you ever watched an old program and something was mentioned off hand that is true or along the same lines now? Ancient Aliens is a good fodder for conversation. And then I want them to go home or hang up the phone and allow me to return to my quiet.

        4. Well sadly the world isn’t usually interested in long conversations anymore, only artificial. Have you considered a book club? I don’t know if they exist anymore or with topics of that kind how about a philosophy club or even to a certain degree a crypto club?

  2. That depends on the grown-up, no? Locally I have NO grown-up friends, casual (very) acquaintances more than a few, I am a friendly person who is always happy to chat to with anyone, any time, anywhere but that doesn’t mean I want to spend any more time with them. When I lived in this general area before, I had two close friends, now I live a 25 minute drive away from where I used to live and when we moved back to the area those 2 friends would come by, pick me up (I don’t drive) and we would do stuff but that got old quickly – friendship works both ways…Thing is, those two were enough for me.

  3. It depends on the person and their circumstances. In high school, I had few friends, but the ones I had I saw daily and we were very close. When I was married, I had like no real friends, just other couples we would occasionally hang out with, but I didn’t feel close to them. This was a mistake ~ I had no one to confide in except my parents. When my marriage crashed, I felt so alone. I latched onto the first man who came along who liked to talk to me.

    Now, I have a bunch of friends and I think it’s great. I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and I’m a nicer person too. It feels really good to me to know there are multiple people in real life who care about me and would help me if needed. And I’m the same for them. Not everyone needs this, of course, but I do, and I’ve become less introverted as the years pass. The isolation of covid helped me realize that I enjoy being with people more than I used to. It’s healthier for me to sustain these relationships than to exist in a lonely bubble…

    1. Suze is very similiar to you Paula and something l keep trying to remind her. I don’t need people in my life not like regular folks, l think the hard wiring in autism is responsible for that and science would back me up. I like a few people, but l personally think l am a lousy friend to some and a great friend to others.

      The ones l am great for are those who put no expectations of close friendship on me whilst the ones l am terrible for are those that expect everything from friendship.

      but Suze needs people in her bubble as they award her the very essence to live.

  4. Since the start of the pandemic, I’ve hardly seen any of my usual handful of coffee and cake mates. Here’s to virtual friends; the worldwide perspective is way more interesting than small town gossip.

  5. I’ve always been a fan of small in-person social circles, preferring a handful of really close friends to a barnful of casual friends. Now that I like people far less than I used to, a relatively larger circle of online acquaintances works well.

    1. Yes l like people even less as well these days … l don’t think l could manage a full one for breakfast ………… humour aside, l know what you mean Ashley 🙂

  6. I have quite a few acquaintances who are fun to meet up with once in a while to play games with, or watch a movie, but as far as close friends whom I openly confide in and practically share my life with, that number is very small, and I prefer it that way!

  7. 🤔 Hmm. that is certainly a very interesting question, Rory.

    What I am about to say may sound a bit strange (but I will say it anyway), it really does not matter if the number of your adult friends is a small or a large number. What matters most is the quality of your friendship; for example, one could have twenty-one adult friends who are never around in the time of need, whereas, you can have five adult friends who are there for you in your times of need and are always around to lend emotional support, etcetera.

  8. “Friends” and “grown-ups” are terms so broad that they become meaningless if you are using them for counting purposes. Everyone has different needs so no universally “right” number exists for friends. Sadly, many people end up with fewer friends than they would like and many others feel overwhelmed with too many! A thought provoking post, Rory!

  9. Funny you should mention this because Garry and I had this conversation just yesterday. We have very few friends. Part of it is that most of the people with whom we interacted with through the years were work friends. After we retired, we had little in common except the work we used to do. Ten years into retirement, work isn’t all that fascinating. Also, many friends have died and many more have moved far away and quite a few are past the stage where one can converse with them. Dementia is an ugly disease.

    Garry is not very sociable. He never was. I think he married me because I’m the only woman he knew with whom he could have a conversation. He has a lot of problems with conversation because as he has aged, his deafness has gotten really severe. Even with a cochlear implant, his hearing is much worse than normal. It’s hard work for him to hear what people say. If there are a lot of people talking at the same time, he can’t hear anything. Plus, he has some kind of phobia about interrupting anyone, so he gets left out.

    But the thing is, I don’t have any more friends than he does. Most of my friends have died or moved far away — and we ARE old. Traveling is hard and I don’t drive anymore. I had popular years, but that was a LONG time ago. I don’t give or like parties. I AM sorry about the local friends we had, all of whom died during the past few years. I miss them

    Time changes everything.

    1. Hey Marilyn, you are right – time changes everything – it always does and the world we live in even today is not the same world as little back as twenty years ago.

      Communities were quite close knit back then, friends stayed in areas for longer … but as people’s work and careers expanded, the connections between people were lost and somewhere in the last ten years, people have also lost the ability to retain friendships.

      I am aiming that at the older generation, but since the millenuim the ability to socialise seemingly is lost on the last two gens of people.

      There are so many more variables in play now with society, socialising and friendships and community – but all that aside, time and the ageing process absorbed and taken by time changes everything.

    1. We found out who ours were in the worst possible way. The word NO lost us all of them, and we were only useful for their convenience. The worst bit was being slagged off by the people we thought were our friends and in a small village community, people gave us a wide berth.
      We don’t need people like that in our lives, and I am glad to say it is a totally different story now.

      1. I’m glad it is different for you now. We had a so-called friend that we haven’t heard from for almost a year and last week she sent a text wanting to borrow money! Really!

  10. I never was popular, nor did I ever have more than a couple of close friends. The friends I had for many many years were work friends. Often, I felt they were my close friends and I was more of a casual friend to them. Now I have only a couple of true friends. Friends that I can confide in, share my ups and downs with, be silly with etc. They are dear to my heart. None live near me, so that means a different type of relationship. Still deep friends, but sadly, unable to visit with.

    During Covid, it was so clear to me that I am OK with closeness being a phone call away. It would be nice to “do lunch”, but not necessary for a loving, caring relationship.

    I have friends in the blogging world that I thoroughly enjoy contact with. It would be awesome to do a zoom call and really talk to them sometime.

    1. Yes l agree on the zoom call, l think that would be fun 🙂

      I suggested something similar recently to a friend, l am old fashioned, but Zoom is the new system l guess.

  11. 😄😄 your sarcasm is funny lol

    That is a hilarious story!! What a convo with this woman lol

    But now would she have been convincing if she said could run many games or business programs? Lol

    I am private … also not overly social – I keep people I trust and can depend on close to me … that’s it … I am fine with only having people I trust.

    I am more quiet and subdued? I am only social when I need to be – usually for work.

    My own time – I just like peace ✌️ I am homebody – I just like peace and not to be bothered really.

    I know that sounds so bad lol … but I just want the peace ❤️✌️ 😊

    1. It doesn’t sound bad to me … l like my own company and peace of mind. Would it have made a difference if she had mentioned games? none at all .. l am very particular about gaming these days.

      Bottom line is l don’t need a mobile phone as it is. I have one that l got initially as an emergency and l forget to take it with me as it annoys me. if l am walking l am walking in my time and l don’t want the thing to ring. I see mobile phones as business tools only.

      1. Me too ✌️ that’s exactly it “peace of mind” ❤️

        I have to be reachable at all times because I am a manager. And also on call once a week.

        My entire life is on my phone – when I think I have misplaced it – I have mini heart attacks lol 😄✌️

        I can’t remember anyone’s number, because I just tell my phone who to call lol

        I am a slave for cell phone lol… but between work and I also have a mother with Alzheimer’s and also children lol ✌️ … I definitely need to be reached 🤨🙄

        I do miss the days before cell phones 📱

        But I do love having the world at my fingertips ❤️✌️
        I have to say – I do love that lol

        1. It is both a blessing and a curse lol … see what you are missing? Lol ✌️

          When my dad died… I had to make the phone calls… they did not have any numbers written on paper lol

          So I said “Mum, where is your cell phone?” I knew the numbers were in there

          So she goes in her purse and pulls out this teeny tiny fricken flip phone 😄😄😄

          I thought it was my nephews toy lol

          So I had to make those calls with that phone and if you so much as miss the correct letter I have to sit there and redo lol 🤦‍♀️

          I could not believe she still had a flip phone lol ❤️ That was the funniest thing in that moment lol ✌️❤️

        2. Yes l have seen some of the elders over here use the old style flip phones. My mother’s phone is a few models above that. But l guess it also comes down to the expectations that a user has.

          If you are a lowball user like me and many others, we will have the oldest models of phone possible.

          But if you are an uber user, then you are quite likely to have the smoothest phone going.

          Makes sense.

          I have a very smooth desktop, fast high powered and a single very large screen so everything is designed for comfort and ease, but l use my desktop for everything.

          I have a landline so l can get my internet and l am a super fast connection … but sometimes over here as is the case with Suze.

          You can’t get an internet connection unless you have a landline which she needed for working from home as well as if she wanted to use private internet on her laptop.

          Suze is a Smart Phone uber user like you, but still she couldn’t get internet without landline irrespective to having wifi connection with her phone.

        3. Totally.

          I don’t like using computer at home – I prefer having on phone because quick, easy and mobile. I use my phone for everything lol

          Oh that’s weird they make her have landline ??

          I do not have a landline because everyone I am in contact with has their own phone

          I have to be off to work ✌️ have a great day! ☀️✌️

  12. I recently upgraded my phone but I don’t use it to phone or text friends. I’m old school and use a landline. I don’t have a lot of grown up friends. Being single I’ve grown apart from a lot of friends once they had kids. Like others have said it’s quality over quantity. The true friend who will come to my aid if I need help.

Comments are closed.

Up ↑