Strollings, Pootlings and Musings

Strollings, Pootlings and Musings
Season 8 – Summer 2021
Series 8 – New Starts Always Start At The Start!
Tuesday 20th July 2021
“I may be not the one, but l am here.”
Delf Pond [centre of the Reserve]

I think at times it is inescapable that you find yourself worrying about a friend to the point that it causes you concerns and stresses of your own. I am currently in that position with Suzanne … not dangerous stress for me, but l am worried for her health. I think she is struggling with deep depression …. she did visit the doctor several weeks ago after waiting ages to see a doctor in the first place with regards light depression.

It’s not easy currently to get to see a doctor in our area … and where Suzanne is in Deal, the long wait times are even longer – it’s not unusual to book an appointment today as an example and not actually have your appointment till perhaps the end of August and sometimes later than that if you are unlucky.

How does that help anyone? More so how would that help someone struggling with depression?

I call this the Thinking Bench’ – it is off the beaten track on one of the many pathways in the reserve, but it is very peaceful just sitting here and thinking. I love this bench more over all the other because it has been crafted from one the logs from the trees here and is just wonderfully natural. So taken with it am l, that it will feature in one the designs for the series in The Authentic Recycler.
The Reserve will feature in many of the designs for the new blog.

She is on holiday this week and thankfully has a busy week – being busy is good with depression, it keeps your mind active and doesn’t allow it time to dwell in places it doesn’t need to linger …. those dark places that welcome sadness!

What’s making things even more trying is her study on the Thrive Programme. The actual ‘programme’ is designed to allow a person to study through various elements of empowerment and enrichment that will enable them to take more control of their life and mental health comfortably on their terms. It’s great for combating anxiety and stress and is a superb way forwards to receive more freedom from your life and to not become hindered by overwhelming beliefs that you may have that prevent you from being you. Which for the right person sounds ideal … but no two people are the same nor alike. So whilst one person may take the study course and feel fabulous after a couple of weeks, another may take the same study and not feel the benefits straight away.

I walk in the reserve twice a day most days now, it is just so utterly peaceful – l don’t think l’ll ever get tired of walking in here.

I personally think it is more reflective upon where the individual is in their life at the time they took the course and that will determine how long it takes them to allow the course to work or not.

The more l have looked into the programme, the more fascinating and frustrating it looks to be – it is designed to make you think for sure, but also to challenge what you believe and may have believed for some time.

Suzanne was diagnosed with Seasonal Affective disorder [S.A.D] in her thirties, so more or less thirty years ago now and Thrive challenges people with that diagnosis to question whether the SAD diagnosis is a diagnosis or is merely a belief? Thrive does the same to the likes of many mental health problems like depression …. and in turn Suzanne is finding the content of the programme very confusing and obviously challenging too.

Prickly pink thistle – [Cirsium vulgare].

She visited here yesterday, the first time in well over a week because of the 149th Golf Open here last week in Sandwich and we had a lovely walk in the reserve where l also walked this morning [photos are a combo from both those walks] and we talked about her progress on the course which is when she said she was becoming very depressed with how things were and l tried to encourage her to talk about it more because she had also been unusually quiet this last week and l learned that she didn’t want to bother me with her ‘woe’.

This saddened me somewhat, because l have always told her that no matter what she is going through, she is always welcome to talk to me about anything. The reason we agreed for her to take a coach one on one course as opposed to the manual course only was so that she could talk to her coach about any issues she was having problems with. But you can only talk to your coach once a week and that can make things awkward. But then … Thrive is a study course, it isn’t a therapy appointment.

Hover flies feeding on the clusters of flowers on the hogweed.

The other thing she is having serious problems with and l think this is probably the main culprit to everything and is in turn affecting her ability to concentrate on the course material and the knock on effect from that is also detrimental to being able to challenge her beliefs logically is she experiencing serious problems with loneliness. You have seen me before write about this and Suzanne – l did worry about this very subject with her. She wanted to live by herself and l am a healthy 100% advocate for those who wish to do that … everyone should be able to live on their own and not have problems with it.

Hogweed at dusk.

But that’s easy for me to say … l have never experienced loneliness, sure l know ‘being alone’, but that is very different – l don’t need people in my life to be happy because l like my own company and can ‘thrive’ by myself, but not everyone can … and l do try and understand this from another person’s perspective – but it can be hard for me … because l believe ‘loneliness’ is only a belief and can be easily knocked asunder by being positive.

However, l am not the one taking the Thrive course and challenging beliefs, l am not the one experiencing loneliness, l am not the one moving on from stage 4 throat cancer recovery, l am not the one – so l can only but listen as Suzanne’s friend and offer her advice and a hug and a laugh and a joke as l can, but that doesn’t mean l don’t worry for her.

The reserve now has roughly 80 natural ducks and also just under a dozen of the larger hybrid runner xdomestic ducks [the ones in the middle image]. Many of the native ducks have had clutches this year with better survival rates than previous years in the reserve. This is due to the rennovation works being done.

Thanks for reading …. catch you next time.

11 thoughts on “Strollings, Pootlings and Musings

  1. Your photos are fantastic, and that bench only needs a backrest to be 100% perfect, rather than 95%πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚

    Poor Suze☹ I’ve never understood the loneliness thing either. Of course, I’ve never spent much time alone. I don’t think it would affect me though cuz as with you, I enjoy my own company very much.

    Are all her friends busy? She seemed to have a pretty good network of friends, and some family, not TOO far away.

    I get her thing about not wanting to burden someone with their woes. I go through the same thing. Especially when I know my few close friends are having their own problems. I try to remind myself that sometimes focusing on other people’s stuff can help me stop worrying about my own for a while… can actually help me see things in their correct size. Plus, friends care for us no matter what and are never a burden.

    Is Mental Healthcare as difficult to access as regular Healthcare? She may need antidepressants for a little while. With all her body has been through, it wouldn’t surprise me if her brain chemistry was a little wonky.
    I was on antidepressants two different times for about 12-18 months each time. In combination with talking to a therapist & group therapy, the meds helped reset the chemistry.

    Give her hugs from me and my best wishes. Remind her that she is a strong, capable woman who just beat cancer, and she can handle whatever comes her way. Maybe volunteering somewhere would help her feel better too. She’s a giver & nurturer, that might satisfy that part of herπŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ

    1. Hey Gramma, l have in fact mentioned these things to her … l have said she needs tablets to stabilise her mind again, that the treatment will have knocker kilter off. But she is reluctant to have any and l have to respect that, despite my concerns.

      She does have family, but not as many friends anymore – with cancer comes change, with cancer and change comes a new outlook on life and with cancer and change comes cynicism and Suze has become quite cynical.

      Mostly because many people fail to understand cancer recovery and treatment. Many surprisingly think ‘well you had cancer, you had treatment, you are better, get on with your life’, not always understanding that there are usually side effects with cancer and they can last a long time.

      Suze still has many side effects and they are detrimental to her health. She is better than she was, but still.

      The biggest problem with much of the voluntary work here is that it is during the day and Suze works five days a week and there isn’t much voluntary at the weekends – why l don’t know, but the UK is a lot like that at times and has been for the last 40 years.

      She does need something to give her purpose again – because she isn’t seeing her grandchildren as young anymore being they are 12,000 miles away.

      Mental health care here is even harder to get help with than regular health care sadly. it is abysma and has always been like that in recent years.

      No, there are plenty of seats with a backrest, this one is special because it doesn’t have one πŸ™‚

  2. There is a difference between living alone and being lonely, and they are experienced/defined in different ways by people. – but that is a long discussion. Surely there are cancer support groups, online/virtual? Even therapists available via Zoom or whatever app is available? Suze has had a hellish year and the only people who can remotely understand that are people who have had a similar experience.

    BTW – the photos are beautiful, and yes, THAT bench. When I said you should have an IG account I meant for these type of photos – not for selling anything, or promoting the blog, just to share the lovely place you live and the lovely photos you take – I follow quite a few accounts on IG that are just this – lovely photos of, well, of anything – forests, beaches, ruins, cities, animals in nature – so much beauty in the world and I want to see the pictures!

    1. I wish there were more cancer support groups Grace, but there are not, one of the biggest let downs at present in the UK is support that is needed.

      Ashley was saying that you can’t directly access IG if you don’t have a Smartphone and if you want to use your desktop you have to use a subsidary service and even then you can’t post in a regular fashion? How do you access IG?

      1. With all my devices, iMac desktop, ipad mini, macbook air, iphone. It’s complicated to post using the desktop but I’ve done it. An ipad is considered an IOS device (like. Smartphone) so just download the app. Photos I have on the desktop I just “share” to my photos app and post to IG from thr photos app. I suppose having all Apple devices makes it easy to move my photos around but if I remember correctly you have an ipad?

        1. I do have an iPad, but it’s too fiddly for me, l literally use it of an evening to read or watch a movie but if l had to do anything of scale on it, l would go insane and become frustrated very quickly – but l will see what apps are available for desktop. πŸ™‚

        2. Just Google “Instagram for desktop” and you should get plenty of hits (I just did). I may actually look at those myself later since the way I access IG on my desktop is a slight PITA because to post I have to be in ‘developer’ mode in my browser and I have to use Safari instead of Chrome. I used to be all anti-smart phone until I needed to have the Uber app. Because I rarely leave home it has not been important to me to be able to access all my computer/internet stuff on my phone. I am learning to text more and email less but that’s because my daughter lives her life via her iPhone.

          Anyway,, I don’t know how important IG is for you – it’s just that I like your photos so much it would be nice to have them in one place to enjoy.

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