Dear Blog – 15.45 – 06/07/21

Rediscovering The Inner You ….

I read a post this morning that was not written in a critical form against me nor have l taken any offense so please don’t worry, but it was curious perhaps with regards some of my recent actions in my blog and the changes l am implementing and l thought, okay this is a very fair observation and it’s not the first time that these changes of mine have been queried and made reference to in the last couple of months, so l thought l would just write a brief note. It is brief because l am still working on rediscovering who l am and who l want to be but l am pleased to say l am slowly getting there.

I started writing for myself at a young age, l remember the very first story l wrote l was just under the age of 7 in 1970 and it was a story about where l lived – which was in Malaysia. A truly beautiful and vibrant country where l had at that time lived since 1968 – the story was about how much l would miss Malaysia when we all moved back to Australia as a family. My father was with the RAAF and had been stationed in Butterworth in 1968 and he had moved his family into Malaysia. In 1968, l was 5, my sister was 3.

I carried a copy of that story with me for many years in my wallet until one day it was no longer in my possession … my wallet had been stolen! I still have my memories though of Malaysia and that first ever story l wrote. I kept it because it was a story of significance for me.

From the age of 7 l started to read and write and explore more and as l read and wrote l discovered more of me and about me .. l loved to write, l loved to read and l was always eager to know who l was. The latter has been a conflict of mine for years, long before my diagnosis of bipolar in 2004 and long before my Asperger’s diagnosis in 2008 … l was always passionate about writing and creating words to be published or just read and seen by others.

In my mid to later twenties I used to create training guides and some of them were very comprehensive manuals, very text heavy, but they used to inspire the readers and l was always thrilled when something l had written made an impact of significance on someone’s life … l had done my job, but more importantly my words had been seen and my voice had been heard.

I don’t just write to be read, l write to be heard and l like to write to inspire. I don’t just write for myself, l have always written specifically for others. It’s not that l never write for myself ……… l do and l have but l like to tell stories and l like to entertain but above everything, l like to be authentic.

The internal identity conflicts l have been experiencing this year have been frightening, and sometimes exhausting ….. but l realised that l had to make some very serious changes in my life if l wanted to be happy and content again, something which l currently am not. I am not happy with who l am, who l have become … so l am altering that. I have torn away many of the masks l was wearing and that might be startling or alarming to some folks – it is not intended to upset anyone .. but we have to be true to ourselves and something Renard wrote the other day that stuck in my mind and l have been thinking of it ever since and why?

Because he wrote he was proud of his published content and for a while this confused me because it is not a term l would attach to my created content … but it is no different to writing to be heard, writing to be seen and writing content that makes a difference, an impact or a motion of significance to another person. [My thanks to your inspiration Renard] I miss that feeling, and l felt that the content l was and had been producing wasn’t satisfying to me anymore – l had to change that. We all write for a reason, we all write for various reasons – we all write to be read. But not everyone writes to be heard, they write to be read only, but equally many write to be heard too.

I have been downscaling my blog for the last two years, l wanted to concentrate on writing content that offered me more personal contentment, writing that meant something, writing that allowed me to rediscover me again. None of these changes is meant to alienate any of you, and if anyone feels that way, please don’t … l am just seeking me again. In order to achieve that l had to break parts of me to rebuild them differently, break parts of this blog and rebuild them differently too – to make thoughts craft differently. This blog had to become a deeply journeying blog only and that was hard for me to create from what it was. I think what confuses the most is that you are seeing me differently to how you have seen me, but for those of you who knew me back when l first started this blog, you should recognise me.

I keep saying l will write on it in more detail and eventually l will, just not today.

Anyway, thanks for reading, catch you next time.

Ps: For those interested in the Gardening series – Season 7 Doin’ The Dirt … Eh – Summer 2021 has recently just started again.

29 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 15.45 – 06/07/21

  1. Makes sense to me. I suppose that’s why I warned against monetization in the first place, because I knew the risk of selling art. 🙂

    However you deduce what it is about your writing that makes you proud; yes, that self-pride is important.

  2. Hoppy Toad’sDay JB! 🐸🥳
    You’ll notice a bunch of “likes”. I was having a little look around. I found an old post about “Morning Stiffys” and laughed cuz I remember that comment exchange. I cannot believe that was 2018😲

    I also have been meaning to tell you that I love your new avatar. Great big grin is awesome!

    Yes, I know I’m off topic, but am I really?😉

    I’m off to walk before it gets too warm. I hope you’re having a Hoppy day, and that your evening is excellent! Catch ya later🐊💌

  3. Don’t worry about anyone’s views when it comes to your life decisions. It’s your blog, and you should decide how to go about the changes you want to make. All the best my friend

    1. Thanks Sadje – it wasn’t so much a case of being worried, but it was a fair observation which l thought l would address. I have been meaning to write a post about it and seeing the post this morning , made me think ‘sure, let’s create that post now’.

  4. Yes, Rory, I agree with Sadje. It is your Blog and therefore your prerogative as to what you share and how you share it – as it is our privilege whether to read or not. It is inspiration that fuels us all to write, what we Bloggers have in common and that triggers creativity. The creative force cannot be limited by conformity, but must be to roam hither and yon – free to ebb and flow – rather like impulse, isn’t it? 😊 So, I say, Please yourself first! Those that are receptive and will truly be helped by what you share will be sure to follow you wherever your Muse takes you.

      1. It’s been a hard year for me, too. I wonder if it has for everybody? I’m hoping the last half will be easier – not so difficult a climb – that we are over the hump and will be going downhill from here on out. 😊

  5. 🙂 Rory, I am pleased to know that I inspired you to be true to yourself.

    Continue publishing the types of blog posts that are a reflection of “You” in a manner that is devoid of any fear of ridicule.

    Also, there will be people that would resonate well with your life’s story!

  6. In my humble opinion for all it is worth, your journey of discovery is awesome. You OUGHT to strive to be happy doing your writing, or why do it? A basic question which you’re attempting to answer to your satisfaction. A noble goal. One thing though, because I fear I’m one of those who ‘sparked’ this blog post right here by grumbling about the changes you’ve made.

    I absolutely stand by the tenet that a person’s blog (or blogs) are their home(s) and those should be managed to the blogger/writer’s satisfaction. Others might have opinions to the contrary about what’s going on, but do those outsiders opinions really matter if one is engaged in a ‘search for self?” I don’t think so. It’s secondary to the work at hand.

    Second bit. I’m at a place in my own life where any change (however big or small) sends me to a bad place. It’s my personal problem and should NEVER impact what someone does with their lives or their opinions. I’ll grumble and bitch and moan, and eventually accept whatever it is that freaked me out, and things will go on. Example: Having my ‘reliable’ desktop computer abruptly die. Your question post (from the 5th) ironically co-incided with that massive change to my own life and I ought to have just kept “schtum”: (quiet) until I got past the crisis that happened to me. I didn’t unfortunately, and the post I wrote in response to your question was heavily innundated with the turmoil in my head. I’ll learn to just go somewhere quiet and wait until my personal storms pass when change occurs, but I haven’t learned to do that yet. Sorry for the fall out. It was no reflection on you or your choices at all. It’s all on me.

    You find your happiness however that occurs. Bring us along for the journey because you say that you think deeply about your readership when you write. Good for you! You’ll do an amazing job, you know. Take that last sentence as fact.

    1. Hey Melanie, l wanted to address this topic and l said to Sadje in a comment above yours here that l wanted to address this very subject to alleviate people’s curiousness as some of the changes have been quite distinct.

      I did read your post, but please do not think you have offended me in any way – because you haven’t 🙂

      It was a fair observation of yours and l wanted to address it, you gave me the incentive to create the Blog entry itself here 🙂

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