Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow … When I’m Gone?

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No, this isn’t a question concerning the Walk of Shame folks or even the song by The Shirelles, Bee Gees, Carole King or even Amy Winehouse, who l think performed a cracking cover. You probably have your own favourite …. but it is a question about community and absence, and mostly – absence. Does absence make the heart grow fonder? Who knows … everyone has a differing opinion of that statement?

Let me explain …. a few years ago, l would say 2018, l was having a conversation with Britchy – remember her? Helen aka Bitchin’ in the Kitchen who has now been absent from her own blog since May 2020, so well over a year ago. She had to leave [in case you ever wondered what happened to her] due to personal reasons. But we were talking about what happens when people ‘suddenly stop’ blogging without warning, they just disappear – how do we as friends get hold of them? Would people even notice your absence. Would the community care? Britchy and l agreed that where there is a will, there is always a way … drop a comment, email if you can or use the contact page if you are that concerned. This is working on the premise of WordPress and their blogs – but might be different if you follow them on other medias.

How long does it take for a person to notice the absence of another and at what point do they raise their concerns from noticing the absence to acting about it? I mean as bloggers DO we really make an impact on people’s lives? Do we HAVE to notify our readerships to our leave of absence or potential AWOL status … is it a duty, an obligation or merely a personal formality? Of course, everyone is different and how they decide to inform or not inform their followers, readers and friends is down to them.

In the last 1 – 2 years alone l have seen many bloggers disappear to never truly return Britchy is one, KK of Finding French Charming is another alongside Beckie of Beckie’s Mental Mess , Ursula of An Upturned Soul and even Richa of iScriblr who we know is very busy with her youngster, but more recently Ian Kay of Moon Is Rising and Tazzie of Echidna Home, Emily of New York Family Adventures have gone AWOL, and the list goes on … l always wonder how some of these people are, especially those we never seem to hear from again.

As of today, and crafting this post – l have 2630 followers and of that number l would say that 5% are dedicated readers over the course of any given month – that equates to around 130 readers give or take 1 or 5 maybe. Following that l may have roughly 2.5% of readers in addition to that who read my blog over every quarter year, so between 1 and 3 months, my blog enjoys the readership from around 200 people.

Of those 200 people how many would notice my absence in 24 hours and or 48 hours? Would l be noticed as absent? I would like to think in 24 hours perhaps a handful would maybe notice me not being present and especially if l had not given any notice .. but l wouldn’t be upset if in that short period time l was not missed. But l might be a little surprised if l was not missed after 48 hours.

I mean, l have always said l postdate the morning community greetings post anyway, meaning it is created the night before the morning after, l don’t bulk create anything, l make all posts on the day itself. I don’t have a filled drafts folder with 20+ posts waiting to be published. Everything apart from the morning post is fresh that day. I have said if there is never a morning greetings post on the day at all … something is wrong – l am either seriously ill, dead or have been kidnapped!

So, l think that of my dedicated readership circle l might be noted as absent on the morning of the second day, provided that the previous day’s morning post published on the schedule and wasn’t delayed by a WP glitch by 10% of my 130 readers in the first 12 hours and by the second block of 12 hours perhaps a further 10% might notice me missing. So maybe on a given day and an absent community greetings post 25 of my regular readers would perhaps wonder where l was. Of those 25 people l think l would probably receive emails from 20% in a matter of hours on the second day. I say this because l am a day to day regular poster and even with my reduced postal schedule l still produce 1 post most assuredly daily and actually 2 posts daily.

Now this isn’t me blowing glittery pixie dust up my own ass in the self satisfying department as a blogger …… but ever since Britchy’s conversation with me all that time ago, it is something l have always had in my mind … would l be noticed if l disappeared without a word and how long would it take? Would the community notice me gone?

I have had conversations in recent weeks and months with friends on two topics, one ‘community spirit’ and two ‘does absence get noticed?’

Whilst l don’t disagree with the truth that WordPress has a very active community of like minded readers and writers’, l don’t always hold with the community is close knit. Communities of people are made up of groups of people who enjoy a lot of the same or remarkably similar socialites with other people … but that doesn’t always mean they are all close to each other. I know there has been a lot of talk, posts and topical conversation concerning community during the pandemic and how it has brought communities closer together… which l don’t buy into at all and never will.

Would the WP community notice my absence after 24 hours? No, nada, nope and hahaha and l wouldn’t expect them to equally as much as l wouldn’t expect the full 2360 followers l have to notice me gone! BUT, would my immediate friendship circle notice my absence in 24 – 48 hours? Yes, l believe they would … but that is not a community of people, they are a circle of readers, dedicated readers and friends alike. The nucleus of my personal community would, and of that l am both thankful and grateful.

But now we come to the main question which is about absence.

Of my 2600 followers l have a close-knit connection with about 40 people. These are the people l read from on a regular basis every week and interact with the most on this blog. I have invested time with getting to know them and their blogs. They form my immediate friendship circle and l notice quickly if something is amiss and or if someone is missing. For some l notice very quickly as in 12 – 24 hours, whilst others l notice in 24-36 hours … but as soon as l do notice something isn’t right l usually drop them an email direct if l have it, drop a comment on their blog asking if they are alright and the last resort is to utilise their contact page direct if l haven’t heard anything back from them after 72 hours.

Now, of course everyone is different – some bloggers opt to simply disappear without a word of warning to anyone else, others leave cryptic clues and others again choose to notify their readerships of any planned ‘breaks’ …. it is after all their prerogative to do what they deem necessary … right? Or is that not right? Should the readership be dropped a small noter in post form to say “hey panic not, l am just taking a few days away to recharge or ….. whatever?

Anyway – to the questions …..

How long does it take for you to notice a regular blogger/writer/friend that you follow is missing and what do you do?

How long do you leave it before you start to query the absence and sniff around for clues or alternatively are you not worried if readers you follow go AWOL?

Do you actually notice and or even care working on the premise they’ll be back eventually?

Let me know your thoughts below …

31 thoughts on “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow … When I’m Gone?

  1. If someone posts every day and they miss a day or three then I would notice. If they post on a more erratic schedule (as I do) it might take longer. I have no ‘close’ friends or connections on WP so I doubt I would contact them. I would definitely worry about you but would not try and contact you – I would consider that intrusive. I have friendships that were formed via Blogger and those people comment on my WP blog BUT I am also in contact with them on an almost daily basis via email and FB – So I have no real attachment to any WP bloggers (other than you) and my Blogger friends are friends for life and don’t depend on blogging to continue.

    1. Hey Grace 🙂

      That ‘s a good answer and l do thank you also – friend to friend – a few weeks back l had noticed you had gone quiet … so l visited your blog and discovered you were in a very dedicated ‘reading’ phase and were absent from regular blogging, but you made a post to that degree and l was able to relax and know that you and yours were all ok 🙂

  2. How long does it take for you to notice a regular blogger/writer/friend that you follow is missing and what do you do?

    Probably 48 hours because I don’t see all the posts anyway. If a frequent poster like you, Fandango, Jim, Di, Lisa, or Melanie didn’t post for 2 days, I would definitely notice and wonder what’s up.

    How long do you leave it before you start to query the absence and sniff around for clues or alternatively are you not worried if readers you follow go AWOL?

    Two or three days. I’d maybe ask around, or ask directly if I had previous email exchange with them.

    Do you actually notice and or even care working on the premise they’ll be back eventually?

    See above for noticing. Do I care? Well, I would hope they weren’t ill or dead! If they have simply chosen to curt back or quit blogging, I’d respect that choice. I looked forward to Angie’s daily posts, but after a year she decided not to post that often. I missed her and emailed. She’s posted since. Other friends have been gone for years and I doubt they’ll return.

    People do get tired of blogging especially with all the glitches…

    1. Hey Paula, yes l agree, it’s regular posters that are noticed very quickly – if l spot that then l visit the blog directly and check for either a recent post or in the last six posts to make sure l didn’t miss anything.

      i agree, some bloggers just suddenly stop and or change medias. Lisa who does my designs is no longer a regular blogger here like Dominque as they now post with increased regularity on IG Others switch to FB or even Twitter, and others still just stop full stop on everything.

      I also noticed Angie’s absence very quickly equally how l noticed your absence when you were changing your blog and l dropped an email to you both respectively for the time periods in question ..

      Of course, when some bloggers stop, they do stop for good, way of life and noted with truth is that the WP switch to Block and it’s many glitches is offputting to many people too.

      Good answers 🙂

      1. Don’t know if the comment I started disappeared or is waiting to be approved, but it’s gone, so let’s try again…

        I very much notice when someone doesn’t post on their regular schedule. With daily posters, I notice right away.

        How quickly I try to contact them depends on whether we are just Blog Buddies or have a relationship outside of WP.
        If I don’t see your morning post before I go to sleep at night, I assume it’s WP being glitchy. If it isn’t there when I wake up, email would definitely happen. If that wasn’t answered, I’d used other resources to do some serious sleuthing until I had an answer.
        With people who are just Blog Buddies, I might give it a little more time

        I have done the same as you… read through posts looking for clues, left comments, looked for a contact page, sent emails.

        I am grateful for the folks who reached out to me, and was honestly surprised that my absence was noticed by so many people. It’s nice to know. I guess the expectation that I’m unnoticed or not missed is old baggage from childhood🤷🏼‍♀️

        And although none of us “owe” an explanation for an absence, in future if I’m away for longer than a day or two, I will let my readers know. I don’t want people to worry🤗

        *~*~*~*~*

        Now the cynical side of me is asking if people were genuinely concerned about ME, Angie, or were they upset about the break in THEIR blogging routine?🤔
        Theoretical question. No answers necessary.

        1. Good insights – me personally, l was concerned for you … as you know, l don’t read on a regular basis, BUT that doesn’t mean that in certain situations that l can’t sniff a mosquito’s fart if l think something is amiss … my routine wasn’t broken … my grandma was missing, it’s that simple because she happens to be my friend 🙂

  3. If you didn’t post a post on your regular time I’d be worried and would email you within 24 hours. If any of my friends who post regularly or visit my blog regularly disappeared for a few days, I’d try to contact them by commenting on their posts or by email if I have it. Like when Angie stopped visiting my blog I was worried about her. Similarly Beckie disappeared without a notice and I’ve tried to get in touch with her via email but there was no response. In these situations, one has to trust that they are okay and getting away was a choice. I know of many bloggers who have simply deleted their blogs and are MIA!

    1. Hey Sadje, yes sadly there are way too many MIA bloggers, as Paula said above WP’s new block editor created even more MIA’s. I also tried to get hold of Beckie over several weeks and received no response, l hope she is ok. It’s good to know that we do have close connections with people to at least be able to be in a position of knowledge on how to contact those missing if able.

      1. Yes, that is true. I miss my blogging friends but maybe it’s their choice to stop blogging. Even Teresa is missing most of the time. I find her and then she creates a new blog.

  4. If things aren’t in front of my face, I’m slow to notice them, if I notice them at all. That’s the case in real life as well as the blogging world. In terms of community closeness, I think the nature of closeness depends on the nature of the community. The blogosphere is by nature a very transient community, so I see closeness as being in the interactions themselves even if people come and go. I would be unlikely to try to hunt someone down, because I figure they’ve got their reasons, and they’ll return when and if they’re ready.

  5. I have not seen anything from you in the last six hours since you posted this. I hope you are OK, Rory? Over the years, I have noticed when people have disappeared. I have few followers so it is easy for me to notice. If they do go without notice, I usually expect something negative occurred. Some return later with explanation. Sometimes someone else asks about the missing person and someone close to them solves the mystery for fringe people like me. I expect to write a final post when I leave. I think I could write a very funny one. But if I die in a car accident, I may have a few rough drafts in the queue but will go dark pretty fast. Beyond the Blog, I try not to think too much of these things because the realization of how quickly life moves on has always unnerved me.

    1. You are a genuinely funny guy Geoff …….. however, quite rightly said, if l was to step outside the house tomorrow and get hit by a bus, how would anyone know the truth .. except l would just stop posting one day and l might return at a later date to update …………… or not!!

      Mawahahahahaha!!! 🙂

  6. This is a community of practice, people doing similar things with similar interests. Sometimes, it’s noticeable when someone we interact with regularly fades into the ether, but after a few attempts to contact people, we tend to let them go – giving them space.
    If we really worry for them, we send the email from the contact page (which often doesn’t send anyone anything!), or we find someone who knows them.
    I’ve done that, and the results are mixed, from ‘leave me alone’ to ‘thanks, but I’ve had enough’ to ‘f-off’ so I don’t do it anymore. I think about them, look for them on a regular basis, but I leave it be. For me, it’s been a bit like the places where you once worked, made great friends, but once out of proximity, it doesn’t seem to matter as much. Mostly. I move on.

    1. Hey Cage,

      Yes l can see what you say … if someone told me to eff off, they would receive a double barrel back into their chest of leaded effs though, but l do know what you mean.

      Some people never look at blogging as a different social media and only review it the same as other platforms – so they come, they stay awhile and then they disappear and they never think twice about it or the people – whilst others have a deeper appreciation of everything.

    1. Hey Jenna, l see that a lot .. with those – l tend to leave them be, as that is quite final, that usually means a blogger has literally stopped or changed direction.

      Sometimes however, bloggers delete their blogs to start afresh.

  7. It depends on how often a blogger publish posts, like you or Ashley, I would notice straight away. If there was still nothing the next day then I would find a way to get in contact to make sure you’re OK. Doubt my absence would be noticed though!

    I think once you get to know a blogger and their personality, then I find it difficult not to become attached.

    1. I don’t think it’s NOT that you wouldn’t be missed but of course you have written it here – the regularity and posting frequency is one of the key elements to whether people are missed in the first place …. But are the people missed or their frequent routine?

      1. The people would be missed, their routine just plays a big part in wondering where they are, for me anyway

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