Things could be worse ………… l could be dead, but l am not!
I suppose l should be counting my lucky stars considering everything else that has happened since March 10th 2020. Some of you may recall that date but worry not if you can’t, we have all had a hell of a year, it was prior to the first UK lockdown on the 23rd March.
It was also the day that l started my dental journey after years of pain. Then we had lockdown, then we had the fifty shades of bat shit relationship crazy, then we had the big moves, then the new house and then getting on with life in-between the million and one further lockdowns and then l had that major tooth infection with matching abscess in December, that caused me to recreate the pumpkin head image and made me want to simply curl up and die. But then the dentists gave me antibiotics and things started to roll along again with even more lockdowns and then jabs 1 and now number 2 will be on the 10th June ……………………………………………. BUT where as l was hoping that l could restart my dental journey when the world got back to normal mid June as in next month … my mouth has decided l am talking like a wild man, “Like dude, that is so not happening man! We gonna give you a dose of major pain and infection now!!”
The journey also, l had hoped l could leave off until maybe next year on account of helping out Suze a fair amount financially to get her back on her feet since the cancer and trying to regain some finances to stabilise my own bank account ……but it looks like that may not be happening either. It will definitely now be a cheaper plan than originally discussed last March, but the journey has to start sooner than later … the wear and tear on my mouth since last year has been ever present and sadly the left side of my jaw has crumbled – l can feel the damage with my tongue and by the levels of pain daily, as well as many a time during the day l have an iron taste in my mouth all the time when l eat meaning l am bleeding and this causes even more problems in itself. Basically my mouth is giving up.
Generally my health is okay, my mental health is good, stomach wise has been bad but not overly aggressive, l have just gotten used to having a stomach digestive disorder that is well over 25 years old, l have accepted that l may never know what it is … but perhaps one aspect is the lack of qualitive mastication that could easily hinder digestion. Aside from all that as in pain, cramps, stomach discomfort and a mouth that screams daily in pain and bleeds, l am in pretty good health l think … l am not depressed, or stressed or reaching for a rope and a stout tree! But life is too frigging short to complain about little nothings … well until they become bigger nothings that then present themselves as major somethings like a tooth infection for instance.
I have been strangely philosophical in recent months and questioning the point to life – not in a way of ‘Ooh must find me a high mountain and practice wingsuit gliding without the suit …. but more along the lines of ‘Is this it, is there not more than this?” This isn’t open to discussion folks, these are not questions for you, they are questions l ask myself – so there is no need to have a conversation on this subject unless we discuss it in a 24 Hour Blog Question at a later date. I ain’t depressed, just cynically realistic and typically autistic, as that seems to be a healthy topic we discuss l have noticed.
Life is as we make it and my chapters are not yet closed or closing on the whole LIFE subject … they are merely quizzical and l have things l would like to do … not huge goals, but things l think l want to do and achieve, l say l think, because l don’t know what they are ……….. but one is getting my smile back as someone recently said to me and they are right … l haven’t seen an open smile of mine for 20 years – l don’t smile fully these days … l very deliberately merely offer a sideward smile which sadly resembles more of a grimacing smirk, so then l refrain from even doing that.
I seem to be beset with delays of one sort or another in the last couple of months, this is delayed, that is delayed, something else is delayed, through no one’s particular fault – just life being a right royal PITA combined with that damn annoyance Murphy who loves nothing more than giving someone else a bloody good kicking! So blog launches are delayed, gardening is delayed, posts are delayed, this is delayed ….. the list is bloody endless ………but things could be worse because at least l am not dead!
I have an appointment with the dentist this afternoon at 2pm, perhaps l can get this infection sorted out and then l suppose l will have to start the dental journey again and worry about the finances later.
Anyway, thanks for reading, catch up with you again at some point!