|Strollings, Pootlings and Musings|
|Season 7 – Spring 2021|
|Series 7 – Inevitable Changes|
|Sunday 25th April 2021|
|More than a few changes in the airs…|
I am still not sleeping 100% well, it fluctuates between good, bad, healthy and unhealthy … my mind is very active or rather overactive at night … l have a few stresses and frustrations, irksomes, vexations, thoughts, musings and ponderings currently ongoing in my mind of late. Making decisions of this and that and the other too, not to make it feel left out.
I think on this blog, the new blog, plans and people, friends and sociality, community orientations and quizzicals to do with all of them … and more to boot. I am lucky if l can read more than a page in a book most nights … l have a hundred plus things l want to do every day and YET, that proves harder each day because Time is only as long as you can make it…. this means, that things have to change, therefore changes are in the airs … again. They always are, l would just like my mind to maybe take a break for a night – just to cut me some slack perhaps.
What didn’t help last night, was that my treadmill, the one l received on the 10th February so not yet 12 weeks of age … broke!! The platform underneath the running belt crumbled and has now rendered my treadmill dead in the water so to speak! I am a bit fucked off at that in all honestly, pointless being polite and diplomatic with my language about it – we all swear when we become angry – whether the cuss is a major expletive or something gentler, matters not! We all cuss and curse in our own ways! I did!
So l have written off to the seller and hopefully they’ll write back soon with some advice – looks like a new treadmill may be in order. I might have to go for a slightly more expensive model as l have been extensively researching what makes these things break?
Well the good news, it wasn’t me or my behaviours … l am a guy who weighs less than 15 stone, l have never been 15 stone, my heaviest was 13.5. Today l weigh in at 12.3. I never used it for running only walking and l gradually built up to the top speed of 6th gear and hit that and started walking with regularity from last Monday. I would use it sometimes twice a day from between 15 – 45 minutes pending my available time. I cleaned it, oiled it and looked after it ……….. so nothing l have done has caused it to break. However, beneath the belt is usually an MDF deck and sometimes if the walking frame is too short these can crack and then crumble ….. interesting!
So, this morning l took a walk in the reserve and around the ramparts to get some much needed destress chill time in before this afternoon’s gardening, phase two …. but also, l mentally wrote this.
Changes in the airs….
Sometimes, you wake up from the night before,
…. the next morning,
Different from the person you once were…
…. and yawning,
Asking yourself is this right?
To feel this way so often,
…. And discovering the previous days thoughts still haven’t softened?
I am none too sure,
… maybe it is, maybe it’s perfectly natural,
It’s simply the brain rendering new contours…
… and not the supernatural, but simply the mindfully nocturnal!
And yet, it happens so frequently,
… and it’s not that l am ‘not’ yet awake,
And these thoughts are swimming dreamily,
Around and around inside my mind like a niggling headache…
… no, that’s not it, that’s not right!
They are determined and precise in the way they invade,
…. my waking space each morning from the previous night!
Therefore, one must assume that the thoughts stayed…
…. From the day before,
From the person you once were,
That person from yesterday,
… thinking this way,
No differently to the previous day,
Still thinks this way, and the thoughts weigh …
Heavily upon your mind,
…. You slept on them,
And yet, still they stayed behind …
So that when you awake next, they too have become…
Part of you,
… part of the very fabric to your life,
They are now intrinsically true …
… to the woven materials of your mind’s mental wildlife!
Perhaps, that is exactly what it is,
…. The beautiful complexity of thoughts and philosophy,
Biorhythmically working on the analysis,
Of nightly jaunts into the darkened honesty.
…. The cynicism of us,
… The reality of us,
… The fuss of us,
The unnecessary superfluousness …
of us …..
© Rory Matier 2021