Yesterday’s Poetical Reflections

Welcome to Yesterday’s Poetical Reflections – a sub – series of my poetry directory in which l shall ‘reblog’ some of my previously published poetry.

Poetry Directory

Just Nuts!

Oh stop it, if you don’t know me, shut up!
Pretending to do so infuriates me, you absolute muppet!
I am none too sure who l really am, fact,
For all l know, l might be seriously cracked!
When you say that you understand my head,
Challenge you l do, for at best my brain is unread!

Then you ask do l hear whisperings and voices?
YES, damn it man, l hear yours … oh the choices!
Oh, you mean do l hear something other than you?
Mm let me think, let me listen to see if that’s true?
Alas no, l must be brutally honest, just your drone,
My other personalities are pretending to not be at home!

How do l know what is within the grey matter?
That’s your job, you psychological mad hatter!
I am as sane as that wooden table and chair!
Loony bin material l am not, so there!
Stick that in your duck pipe and smoke it!
No, l am not wearing that white jacket, its shit!

It’s so not at all with today’s’ fashion trend,
And no, with that on l will never be your friend!
Fancy words of wisdom are wasted upon me!
So what if l talk crap, it’s called being crazy!
Oh really and since when has that been a crime?
Look at government, political nutters in all the time!

Do they ever get hoisted off in that white van design?
For speaking political bollocks to mankind?
No, they do not, yet you see me as a threat?
Just because l said l was a bright red corvette?
It was a joke you moronically twisted ghoul!
Heavens to Mergatroid, l am no fool!

Aha l see, looked now at my file have we?
Perusing with a smile at my past history!
Yes there have been times it’s true!
l have not always been this happy and been blue!
So what, this life is brimmed with greatness?
My biggest fault is my puzzling Asperger’s!

Think you will finally see and wittingly find,
Outlook l have is due to that sitting in mind!
I am not crazy in the remotest or the slightest,
Highly intelligent yes, am one of the brightest!
Sadly oft misunderstood, by those who try to see,
Or pretend that they know the true inner me!

It’s a baffling genetically created disorder,
But has been with me since birth, it’s a boarder!
That pays me no mental dues or rent!
Apparently to some l should see it as heaven sent!
Which l hasten to add, that l do and l do not!
Basically because at times it can render me a clot!

For someone who is supposedly bright as a spark!
I appear to many as a raving loony, stark
Craving bonkers, inappropriately not right!
Acting strangely, writing oddly, prone to creating fright!
Publicly withdrawn, to be seen as socially inactive,
Blessing is that l am relatively creative!

So you see, to say that one knows me so well,
For me, that interpretation is a hard sell!
How can you possibly have that knowledge?
Musing about me, when in reality l am on a knife edge?
Finely lined, not for all to understand or see,
What’s going on in little old’ Aspergic me?

© Rory Matier 2009

Before l was diagnosed with my Aspergers [2008], many a time l was at the mercy of the medical profession for my odd outlook on life. They at times considered me quite, quite mad!

Of course it is all different now isn’t it ….. autism or Aspergers are not viewed as quirky, or odd, or, or …. oh no wait a moment!

This poem was written in the very early days of my diagnosis when l was still coming to grips with my new identity … if it reads in a disjointed fashion then worry not, that is how it was intended to be read, for that is how my mind was back then, disjointed and broken and jumbled.

12 thoughts on “Yesterday’s Poetical Reflections

    1. Hey Lauren, the very early days of my diagnosis were a nightmare for me … l had to tear my identity up and start to rebuild me from scratch.

      Many diagnosed today have more knowledge to work with than l did those 12 years ago, l came out of it ‘good’, but it was a hell of a journey and not one l would ever like to repeat.

      Just prior to my diagnosis in May 2008 was hell … in April l had a major breakdown and was battling the medical profession and crisis teams who were trying to section me.

      The poem, was written in March 2009 and l was a mess at that time – very unpleasant memories.

    1. Hey Sadje, back then it was hard, and back then, there was no one to help me through, so l had to muddle through it all with a family who kept on slamming hard and wanting to see me locked up.

  1. I can see Ben in parts of this one. It breaks my heart a little for the pain you suffered, and the bounceiness inside Ben’s head.
    I hope he keeps getting better at expressing himself. It must be hellish to not be able to explain thoughts and feelings…☹

    1. For me, for it to get easier, l had to accept it into my life. Initially l had a lot of anger, daily, hidden, dark, pent up – there were so many types of anger present – it was hard knowing how to deal with it and tackle the issues of pain and anger at everyone including myself.

      I still have a few issues as you know, not always understanding what people are thinking or why they do a, b and c. Autism travels at times with a form of paranoia and that can be hard to battle … l could write a book on this! haha!

      Instead, l am just planning on writing more topical content.

  2. Excellent expressions of emotions, Rory! You tell it like it is and that’s a plus in my book. Have a great day! 🌞

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