|Morning Musings Directory|
|Season 6– Spring 2021|
|Series 6 – Identifying Forwards|
|Sunday 28th February 2021 – Walk Time 70 Mins|
|Hang in there! Things are slowly gonna get better. I feel it!!”|
This morning’s five mile round trip walk.
I had a good walk this morning, not a hike or even a mini hike … l was out the door at 10.40am and l was back in the house at 11.50am for a five mile round trip, so l was quite impressed. I didn’t take many photos on the walk, despite the gorgeous weather and it was truly beautiful today – a slight chill in the shade and a slight breeze in the wind, but outside of the shade it was a welcome warm sun and of course when you are walking at my pace, it doesn’t take long to heat up. I am not wearing an abundance of layers in the mornings when l walk now. I am dressing again for streamlined speed. So by the time l had walked the first quick mile in around the 13 minute mark, my warmth was with me for the remainder of my miles.
I read an interesting article the other day which – l suppose was reading that my mind needed to see and absorb – l am finding that l am struggling with a few conflicts of late and l can’t seemingly get any rest and respite from them. As is typical the way of the Aspergian and deep thinkers alike … at times we need to really hard core our thoughts and try and hammer down with concrete certainties who we are and what we believe in.
This article was interesting because it was asking the question about people and their sociality following the pandemic and how the forced inclusion of people to their homesteads had introduced to the more social and popular people a form of introversion or asocial behaviours which they were otherwise unused to and how it had also made a huge impact on existing ‘introverts’ and had motivated them to recede further into their bubbles and their worlds. The ambiverts were equally affected in so far as they can balance normally between the two other traits and they too were struggling.
I used to always joke that l am a selectavert and as Grace once corrected me [rightly], l am an ambivert but l am also on the spectrum with my autism and l can departmentalise being social. I don’t need lots of friends, l don’t really need lots of people and l don’t really need huge community interaction to survive, but l do need people to maintain balance .. because autism – cares not for people – l say that not as ‘autistic people care not for people’, but autism is not bothered by people and the presence of people, because autism has this uncanny ability to troll its host and convince them that they need ‘space, distance and exclusion from society’.
I know this all too well, because when l was living in the middle of bloody nowhere [2009 – 2012] with just Dora and Scrappy on the Fens in Lincolnshire in a caravan on a DIY stables where people were not often seen l was at my best and YET l was also at my worst. A lot of autistic people don’t like society and they care not for the balance that people award to their worlds – because people are confusing and are noisy and are indicative of trouble usually, and autism tries to protect its host from that by encouraging them to steer clear and become a 100% paid up member to asociality.
Peace is good, people are bad, socialness sucks and asociality is heaven! Is the credo for a sane life!
But of course it isn’t because people balance autism out when done right anyway … not always, but quite often and more often than not when people are being sensible they can balance autistic people out …
This article further explained that people are going to have to relearn and retrain themselves to be social again with others and to not be so selfish and act like mindless morons and although l found this funny, it’s actually true .. with people not interacting with people on a regular basis l have noticed a distinct lack of positive social attributes even here in WordPress but most assuredly outside in the real world. I remember speaking to Suzanne about this last year on the first lockdown here in the UK, that if we continued like this [which we have], then people would revert to their baseness and would display their true colours to society in the coming months.
I wrote earlier this week a poke in the eye poem about slow selfish walkers and about how they are fast becoming completely clueless to social etiquttes and graces …. where people are no longer controlling their emotions and or their impulses on one hand, where social distancing on the other hand has become an excuse for almost an extreme disdain for people. People are accepting social isolation as the new norm, but are no longer being mindful of others – their new displayed behaviour has become in some respects quite feral and unsettling. People are in the main, social creatures of social habit, they need social contact ….
I have noticed and l have commented in posts of my own, written about it, ranted about it to my friends – but how people’s rudeness has escalated to very high levels literally over the last six months, how tolerance as an attribute is no longer tolerated by people, how being mindful of other people’s feelings has become almost a thing of the past …
Social isolation and frustration from people, and also social symbiosis is lost, as societies of people we are completely out of sync with each other, our balances are shot. People are selfish and abrupt and just rude and even thick skinned people are starting to feel the brusqueness of a people who are no longer able to be specifically social and polite.
You know, generally it takes a lot to insult me – l am pretty thick skinned and YET, on at least a dozen occasions in the last 12 weeks people here unwittingly have insulted me – l say unwittingly, because if l thought they were doing it with deliberation l would be erupting on a nuclear level in blog. My very close friends know all too well how rankled l am becoming … l am normally pretty passive.
Now, l don’t need people – not everyday, l don’t tire of my own company, l like being by myself BUT I ALSO DO enjoy being able to get out and about in the places of sociality .. being able to walk freely around a shop or just mingle with people – l don’t have to talk to them .. but l am feeling the strain. The walking allows me to mix with people without mixing with people and l can live with that.
But what l have recently come to understand about my conflict with my blog – hit me today whilst walking … it’s not my blog l am struggling with – it’s people – l am struggling with the asociality of people – people who normally DON’T behave like they are doing are causing me the biggest headaches and Aspie stress l have known for a very long time in my three years of blogging – l sometimes feel that my blog isn’t a place of sanctuary but a warzone.
A friend of mine recently responded to an email l sent them which was a full on rant and trust me when l say ‘this was a full rant,’ l really mean it, l was edging very close to nuclear blowout and hitting the DELETE button to the blog – this person is an absolute – excuse my language – but a fucking rock of sanity to me. I have three rocks of sanity in my life and two are bloggers so they know exactly where l am coming from.
My friend’s response was … “I think the WP glitches and the bitchy people are getting to you more than they normally would. You’re suffering your own lockdown fatigue. And for whatever reason, February has been SHIT for everyone I know. You’re actually doing remarkably well for an orderly Aspie who thinks too much. Breathe! Let it go. It’s petty little crap. You’re just generally frustrated at everything right now. Your mouth and your gut hurt, that alone is background irritation even when its okay-ish.You worry about Suze, and that’s always in the back of your mind. Your life plans have been blown up, then put on hold.”
To my rock of sanity and you know who you are – thank you.
So this morning when walking, l had this epiphany and combined with the article l read about people having to learn to be social people again l realised that l too was becoming very affected by the social isolation even with my Asperger’s credo of ‘sociality is bad’ – and l am not being rude to people, but perhaps others with their frustration think l am. The walking helps me so much – fresh air, purpose, exercise and activity, the ability to think and clear my head, the ability to remind myself that as frustrating as people are, we are all frustrating in one way or another to someone else … even me!
WP haven’t helped with their small very annoying glitches and yet, in a small way they have, they are helping me ‘redefine’ my blog and identify what l need to do to continue and not press delete which would be seriously drastic. I have been making changes and alterations to the blog over the last few days …. but my friend is 100% spot on with this … “Hang in there! Things are slowly gonna get better. I feel it!!” Which is pretty good advice for us all l feel.
Let’s all hope so.
Anyway, thanks for reading, catch you again.