Gees, but it’s been one of those weeks, you know those weeks when you say ‘Gees, but it’s been one of those weeks!!
Well this last week or so has been one of those!
Are you one of those people that has the ability to easily upset others? Sometimes you don’t have to do anything specific – but you still manage to upset people. I remember a couple of people who used to use that line on me all the time or rather it was more to to the tune of “Rory , you have the trait that makes people want to hit you or punch you or berate you or simply act aggressively to you, did you know that?”
Well in truth, yes l did … l am not entirely sure why people feel this way .. l mean the two people who used to use it the most were 1] my father and usually this was during harsh physical disciplining .. a fancy name for aggressive and abusive spanking and 2] my ex-wife who felt the need to justify her many temper outbursts! BUT, these two people weren’t the only two who voiced their views on this particular subject or trait … there were others too. My ex landlords when l was renting the caravan used that line when exercising their rights to cruelty over myself and my dogs “Rory, you need to stop doing what you are doing and if you did we wouldn’t have to act this way!!”
Well to ask me to stop doing something which l am usually clueless about is very hard, because l don’t know exactly what it is l am doing to piss you off, so you may as well simply ask me to stop breathing and a few people over the years have asked that also. Apparently the thing that annoys people is a trait of mine that brings the worst out in people at times … but l am not sure what it is, because it has never really been explained to me.
I asked Suzanne, today about my bad traits when creating this episode, “Darling which traits of mine bring the worst out of you?” She answered with “Now there’s a question” and then furnished me with the following …. “Lack of moderation, Hyper focus to a point where it could be damning and Your restlessness at times (constant walking to and fro) and apologizing to others when you are not to blame” to name but a few … so l know l can prove to be very annoying to people at times.- but that is just the traits that annoy Suzanne and l can recognise those as very specifically autistic natured or Aspergian. I think it might be safer to say that sadly at times my autism behaviours can be annoying … failing that, it’s just me! I annoy people … it’s no biggie we all annoy people from time to time!
We all have bad days, niggles, rants and raves, and irksomeness, vexations, annoyances and so on – shit happens. However the point is this … if l have annoyed anyone in the last few days, weeks or whatever – then l apologise to you now – obviously none of it is deliberate or specifically aimed at anyone in particular and l am not being deliberately rude to people with intent.
I have had a rough few days, l haven’t been stressed per se or depressed – l am alright as far as those emotions travel but l have felt the absence of Scrappy a lot in recent weeks, and as l said only yesterday to Ian – l am feeling somewhat empty. I had conversations about dogs with both Di and Cage last week and conceded to feeling reluctant about getting another dog. But it has been well over a year since the passing of Scrappy. It’s the longest time ever that l have not had a dog in my life since turning 30 when l adopted my first ever dog with my then wife, Frascal [ that’s the dog’s name, not hers]. For 27/28 years l have had dogs in my life as companions. I have also had cats and l adore cats – but it wouldn’t be fair for me to have a cat here in this town and on this road and also, it wouldn’t be fair having a cat with the birds l encourage into the garden out back.
But l have been giving a lot of thought to having another dog in my life. At times, late at night l find myself crying for a few moments remembering all of my lost packmates and at the height of that pack l had ten dogs, and l keep having unsettling dreams, which usually translate and interpret to having or rather not having a dog in my life.
It’s been a rough year .. l know, l know we have all had a rough year .. but sorry – reflectively l have had a really rough year – last year was hell in so many ways … my relationship splitting up, losing Scrappy, Suzanne’s cancer, house moves, bloody covid and lockdowns and everything being pushed back in so far as plans like dental repair and business opportunities. I am no different to 95% of everyone reading in one way or another .. mental fatigue – it creates and makes people freakishly grumpy and unpleasant and upset and rude and angry and horribly pedantic never mind carrying stresses and depressions and an overall tiredness and weariness – it’s effecting us all differently – which is why most of the time l tolerate more than most – but it doesn’t mean that l don’t or am not feeling my own losses and frustrations in different ways to others.
This rental is one that doesn’t allow pets, but l am a good tenant, l pay on time, l treat the home like my own, l maintain, repair and update as is required, l don’t have any debts, l pay my bills, my near to neighbours think l am a good person, only recently has Edward next door asked if l will be one of his ‘key guardians’ in case he should fall. I am doing everything a responsible person is supposed to be or should be doing. I will give it a couple of months extra, by which time l will have been in my property here for ten months, and hopefully my rental agents can come and do an inspection – something they have not been able to carry out because of lockdowns, their last one being June – so if they can see the property – maybe they will say yes to my request of getting myself a dog.
I have a few changes to make in the house here. I am going to offload my leather couch, it’s too bulky, there were two identical couches, so when we moved we had one each – but Suze is in the process of selling hers and l have decided l want something a bit more flexible. i am also going to sell the plastic transport boxes which are stored upstairs and take up the spare room and serve no real purpose, BUT, l want to turn upstairs into an exercise room where l can have the treadmill, the bike and my exercise gear which will free up the loungeroom here and also l will get a bit of digi kit like a second TV or maybe a music player. If what Bojo says is correct, then with the vaccinations and lockdowns easing l can start to offload some of the stuff l have here for sale .. but l think an exercise room would be a good thing to have.
Thankfully l was able to get out into the garden over the last couple of days and spruce up things, also had a change around there in preparedness for this season’s growing windows … it was good to get out and do some weeding and tidying up. Suze and l have a few projects lined up with our gardens for this year .. we are also not going to be growing as much vegetables as originally planned or thought and so l feel this year might be more heavily leaning towards ornamentals, herbs and fruits and then vegetables rather than the other way around. We are going to sand down the bench and do that up, as well as sand down the chairs and paint them in different colours and Suze’s garden front is going to go through a massive overhaul.
Probably doesn’t look like a huge change … and yet by simply shifting the bins around and moving the table across with a few small alterations … it created more workable space and more importantly more defined workable gardening space. When you come out of the back of the house – instant right is to be herbs, fruits and vegetables and instant left is to be the pretty ornamental side.
This is the main growing side for herbs and fruits and vegetables including the two small raised beds seen in the previous images. Having everything edible growing on one side of the garden, makes life much easier.
Well, l think so anyway … hahaha!!
Suze is coming over to join me for a small afternoon stroll, the weather’s cracking which helps enormously, but we are making it a regular routine for her to come over a few times a week. Anyway, thanks for reading, catch you again – soon.