|People not being true to themselves and living their life off other people’s standards of life.|
Grace of Just Tawkin’
|Not following their heart|
Jennifer of Paperkutz
|Worrying about what other people think of them|
Angie of King Ben’s Grandma
|Not treating themselves like a best friend|
Angie of King Ben’s Grandma
|Not believing in myself enough|
Sadje of Keep it Alive
The Curious Case Of ….
….. The Life Choices We Make
How curious are you as a person?
Season 2 – Episode 04
Mini-Series – Part 2
|The Curious Case Of … You Being Youniquity You and Only Youniquity You!!!|
As l explained in the introduction to this new mini-series – The Curious Case Of … these questions have arisen due to the responses l received on one of the questions in the last game of Fancy A Weekend Quickie?!! which was What are five of the biggest mistakes that people make with their lives in your opinion?
It’s like something Dr Seuss would write isn’t it and he probably did anyway or similar … quotes that come to mind are “Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” or “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”, “You are you. Now, isn’t that pleasant?”, “Only you can control your future.” all of these are fitting for the realms of uniquity and especially youniquity you too – even some of my own designs are suitable “Why be ordinary when you can be remarkable!”, “Trying to fit in, conform? Be proud to not be part of the norm!” and like Dr Seuss, l too could go on … however, the most important question is this… who are you really and are you happy with who you are or alternatively, are you really the you you were born to be?
For years and years, l struggled with my own identity … l genuinely didn’t know who l was and more importantly who l was supposed to be? My parents didn’t really help my personal situation .. my father was never really that happy with his son and always wanted him to be someone other than he was and despite what my mother might tell you now and how very ‘proud she is of her son’, that was not always the case.
I was considered even from young an oddball by both of my parents and my sister …. rather annoyingly, l never really was doing anything specific to make them feel that way about me, other than simply being me … but ‘simply being me’ was never good enough and my parents tried to mold me into a better son personality … l wasn’t allowed to be me … l had to be the person they, he or she wanted me to be … but never were they simply satisfied that generally l was actually a pretty happy child … yes, there were times l am the first to say when l was not a happy camper! Living with my parents was tough, but when left to myself and on my own l was always happy … but my father could not have a loner as a son, and my mother could not have an asocial person as he son .. therefore it was always being suggested that l was odd because l didn’t have ‘many friends’.
Well l did have friends, l had enough friends on one hand only to keep me happy, l was always of the opinion, too many friends is just an awkward crowd that leads to shit and stress, which is why l have a design that reads “I am not anti-social, just allergic to people’s bullshit!”, although when younger my go to phrase was simpler … “Less people you know, less shit you have!” That is still applicable today and so much so l threw that onto a tee shirt as well and have a bright orange one which l wear proudly!
For most of my childhood and teenager years, l was two people and three if you include the time l wore masks to protect and project myself . l had more personalities than most multipersonality split personality characters and at times it was horribly stressful and overwhelming and l had to take considerable downtimes JUST to recover. I would wake up many mornings in the years between 13 – 16 wondering not just who l was, but what was my name?
From the age of around 12 – 19 l lived two lives, my life and my conformed life or the uniform life that others wanted to see … one life was quiet and reserved and the other was social and out there – trying to balance those two lives was like being Jekyll and Hyde and was never easy! I was constantly worried about who l was and what people thought of me, the latter because l grew up in a household where my father belittled and berated me daily, challenged me daily on my sanity and sexuality [the latter because of my dreadful shyness around the opposite sex], accused me of taking drugs and from a mother who also accused me of being too soft and odd AND probably demonic and in need of urgent exorcism!
Trust me when l say it was awkward knowing who the fuck you really were and who the hell you were supposed to be when trying to please so many people at once when all you wanted to do was simply be …….. you!
When l left home l was away from the confines of my family and finally, l could breathe real world air … l started to explore everything about me …….. l was no longer always having to be completely someone else . l say not always … because in my twenties l developed a series of alternative identities and l lived them and this became more prolific after an incident in my life that changed and shaped me forever more. I lost people very close to me and l changed ………… dramatically.
In some respects l stopped caring about what people thought and that included my family and some of my friends too …. l just started living my life and that life involved risk and challenge and adventure and l found l could do that – l could live that identity as a different persona, same person, but l had two sides like a coin, a very dark side and a very light side and then unknown to many was the third side ………. the inside – the inside of both sides, was the real me.
In my twenties, thirties and my early to mid forties l was of the nickname ‘the oddball’, or ‘the odd one’ or even occasionally, ‘the one of the very little inner balance’ – BUT because l was good at what l did and that was mostly in a professional sense and capacity and it was the 80’s and the 90’s, l was able to get away with my own personalised and special brand of idiosyncrasy and uniquity – no one batted an eyelid. Of course whilst l was always thinking l was an outsider to the rest of the world and l thought that back from the ages of around 5, l NEVER knew of my own Asperger’s or autism, just that l was different to …. the others!
…… and yet despite everything as l aged, things always got out of hand, out of control and spiraled wildly to the point of terrible grief, disdain for me as a human being, suicidal tendency, hating who l was and not knowing who l was and not believing in myself or my capabiliries, having very low self esteem and this stayed with me for many years. I was fine when masked up, l was the life and soul of the world ……… BUT when l was alone, l despised being me and struggled with my existence as a human being.
In 2007 l was formerly diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome and a giant can of worms was opened and thousands of questions popped out and thousands were answered in one mighty bang and now all these years on … l no longer have questions about who l am … l know who l am, l am about 85% happy with me as a human being, BUT … l no longer wear masks … l am me for the good, the bad and the fugly … l am not the oddball – although l do think the rest of the world might be!
This introduction to this episode is a very brief journey into self discovery – for l could write a book on that journey and never be done ….
It took me many many many and yes many years to finally understand who and what l was and by that time l was pulling off the various masks l had donned from the age of maybe 10 and throwing them away for good and finally accepting who l was and who is that you may ask?
Me, the one who is youniquely writing this post as me, that’s who!
Now to the questions … don’t just answer these questions simply, give them some deep thought first…
How true to your real personality, your true personality, your youniquity personality are you?
Be honest, not just answer how you think you are to be read, but are you truly you?
Do you believe in you and your ability to always be you and true to your personality or are you at times mindful or wary of those around you and how they expect you to be and behave??
You don’t have to answer all the questions should you not wish to however, let me know your views below…