|Not background checking the family they are marrying into|
Janis of The Momshie Diaries
|Marry too young and/or without getting to know their intended well enough|
Melanie of Sparks from a combustible mind
Di of Pensitivity 101
| Choosing unsuitable romantic partners|
Paula of Light Motifs II
|Looking for love in all the wrong places|
Lauren of ISS Attitude of Gratitude
The Curious Case Of ….
….. The Life Choices We Make
How curious are you as a person?
Season 2 – Episode 03
Mini-Series – Part 1
The Curious Case Of Love is in the Air!
“Oooh not long before the most magically romantic time of the year ………………………………!!”
As l explained yesterday in the introduction to this new mini-series – The Curious Case Of … these questions have arisen due to the responses l received on one of the questions in the last game of Fancy A Weekend Quickie?!! which was What are five of the biggest mistakes that people make with their lives in your opinion?
That question received a lot of interesting responses which is hardly surprising given the nature of its content. However, what l found fascinating was one of the responses to that question by Janis of The Momshie Diaries and when l looked at it and others received l then thought that a Life Choices series within a series could be introduced for further discussions.
The response that triggered this was … Not background checking the family they are marrying into which l found intriguing on so many levels, and yet when you think upon it, it made a weird kind of sense. BUT, it then spurred even more provocative thoughts! So when combined with the other responses to the topic it made for further reading …. Marry too young and/or without getting to know their intended well enough, Wrong partners, Choosing unsuitable romantic partners, Looking for love in all the wrong places ………… and so there is a pattern emerging!
My thoughts on the subject – these are NOT the questions, they will be at the bottom of this post – these are merely my ponderings.
I find the whole background checking process unusual as a line of thought – and yet there is a side to me that says it makes for sense … but another side of me that says ‘But you are not marrying the family, you are only marrying one person surely? You might ‘inherit for want of a term’ a family, but that’s it right?” Isn’t love enough? But then, l guess it also comes down to finances and debts, and how people are not always honest with other people … so maybe love isn’t enough – maybe love is just too easy? Maybe , more is needed today from people? But, at what point do you start checking out the people you are dating? Is checking up on them a lack of trust or common sense? It’s not common practice currently, it isn’t not done, because it is, but it is simply not performed with a regular frequency by dating couples.
I mean is there an age that you should begin to think like this … or maybe it is not age specific …. maybe it is to be done in all cases .. the last thing you want is to be awarded debts from another person or be implicated in other nefarious activities that a person’s family might be involved with or the person you are seeing or dating is involved in, but simply hiding from you …
I never married too young, l was thirty when l tied the knot for the first and last time, l was married for thirteen years, and after year 7 l knew l was in the wrong marriage and looking back on my wedding day, in all honesty l should never have got married. She was the wrong woman for me, l got seriously burned by her and AND her family!! We were wrong for each other … it was that simple. We married after only knowing each other a short while – she wanted to get married … she wanted children and she wanted to be a stay at home mother. That was her whole dream for the rest of her life and ……….. it wasn’t mine.
We met in October 1993 and we were married in December 1994 – that was a bad move. We didn’t know enough about each other … sex was good, we ‘loved’ each other and that was enough for her and l married for the wrong reasons … the sex should have been fantastic not just good, l think l loved her, although l was 90% sure at the time l did …….but my parents were giving me a seriously hard time to get married … l was the unmarried oddball of the family – the black sheep – l married mostly to stop being labelled … very bad move.
I learned the foolishness of my ways, and l had a very unpleasant marriage – l didn’t stray, or become an adulterer – although she did, l was too trusting and then when l went through my divorce it was so bloody curdling, l vowed to never marry again! I made a mistake after that also, led by my dick and smashed headlong into a major rebound – not for the usual reasons, but because l was flattered by someone younger than me, but l was stupid and the next lass along l REALLY should have background checked because l had a successful business and she smashed my confidence and my business reputation and cost me dearly as well as lying to me about all sorts of things.
Thank goodness we didn’t marry, we were only together from August 2007 to January 2009 but she took me through hell and back … and l am surprised even today that 1] she didn’t kill me or 2] l didn’t kill myself so seriously affected was my mental health and sanity.
I had a bad habit of finding the wrong partners or allowing the wrong people to find me, l was quick to fall in love, and was a sucker for sex and flattery and compliments … l can’t tear myself apart anymore with honesty than that – l was stupid – but l did learn and after the last relationship .. l lived in a forty foot caravan in the middle of bloody nowhere with just my two dogs as company and only had a small fling which was a nightmare also in 2011 and after that l said NO MORE!!
I was convinced that my diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome in 2008 was the culprit behind my poor choices in so far as relationships as an adult ……
I lived in the caravan from May 2009 – October 2012 and apart from a few months of dating a lunatic and a couple of dates with others l decided that relationships and l were over and that l was an oddball. When l moved to my new house in 2012 l was content to live the rest of my life as a singleton – however, life teaches old dogs new tricks and l started talking to Suze in January 2013 after we met through an acquaintance quite accidentally.
We started talking and our first ‘date’ was on the 22nd June 2013, that was the first time we met as well although we had been talking for six months … l had decided that if l was to ever have another partner or relationship in the future and my life, then there would be no jumping into each other’s beds first and foremost, but we would get to know each other thoroughly as friends and know about each other – know how we ticked and if we ticked as friends.
Suze and l split as a romantic couple ‘technically’ 15th April 2020, we were still living together in Kingsdown until July as friends and we are still friends, and no longer lovers or romantically involved. We were together from June 2013 to July 2020 so seven years. BUT, l also insisted that we were not to live together until we knew each other completely, and more importantly she understood me as an Aspergian on the spectrum. We started living together officially on the 17th March 2015 and so we were under the same roof as a couple for five years.
As to my personal future with regards relationships – l am done with them, no more for me … casual flings may be dubious from this point in our lives but not impossible … the lesson learned above everything is to simply to get to know them first and to never live together!
So when l look at the statements above with regards my own small synopsis of my ‘love life’ and l look back to what l said at the top … ‘But you are not marrying the family, you are only marrying one person surely? You might ‘inherit for want of a term’ a family, but that’s it right?” Isn’t love enough? I can understand them more clearly ….
“Not background checking the family they are marrying into, Marry too young and/or without getting to know their intended well enough, Wrong partners, Choosing unsuitable romantic partners, Looking for love in all the wrong places … “
So …. to the questions …
People are feeling the strain of living with people they share life, love, house and children with and they are struggling ………. We live in strange times .. the pandemic has affected the very structure of relationships through paranoia and trust and just a general feeling of unease with people … it has changed the very core of people, society, love and relationships … right?
Do you think that ‘background checks’ should be more commonplace between couples who are dating and or those looking to marry or live with each other?
Do you think love alone is enough to see people through everything?
What are your views on people getting married/living together too young – are you in total favour of that or not?
What do you think about people not getting to know their partners well enough – is it something that should be looked at more closely whilst you live apart or something that can be worked on when you are under the same roof together?
What are your views on couples who are teenage sweethearts and simply wish to get married and yet they have never sampled anything else of life, they have never had other partners and the list goes on … but they are willing to sacrifice their life for living with one person only believing they are the right person for them?
Finally, which is the best love ? The one we think is right or the the love that finds you by chance or the love we source out with intention?
You don’t have to answer all the questions should you not wish to however, let me know your views below…