|Morning Musings Directory|
|Season 5 – Winter 2020|
|Series 5– Starting Anew|
|Wednesday 06th January 2021 – Walk Time 50 Mins|
|The Lockdown Blues|
|Dedicating this post to Ian Kay of Moon Is Rising with thanks for the intellectual banter we have shared today.|
|Taking shelter from a small overhead burst, the two of us huddled under a tree.|
I managed to get out for a walk today, the first since last Saturday. I started this new season off a week ago and ran it for three new episodes Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. I did so as l was exploring walks further afield in the way forwards to walking 15,000 step walks daily Monday to Friday and with a view to commencing 30,000+ step hikes on the weekends.
I didn’t write up the walk last Saturday for although l walked somewhere new, the weather was just starting to turn ………. nasty! That officialised its presence Saturday night when the heavens almost monsoon like opened up and rained torrential downpours on the town. This rain continued hard and furious till this morning .. but eased up for a break of an hour or so and so l grabbed that opportune moment and secured two circuits of The Ramparts for a total of 6,000 steps.
But since 11am, the rains have been falling again and will continue to drop till tonight and THEN l am informed, Thursday, Friday and Saturday will be ‘drier’ with even a possibility of some sun. We will have to see if there is truth to that l guess… but it was good to get out of the house for the first time apart from popping my recycle bins out on Monday night and bringing them back in Tuesday morning … it was great to be outside of the house!
... and why? Well l am starting to feel the effects and twinges of stir crazy. You can manage that with outdoor exercise … but when you only have indoor exercise, it’s not the same …. sure l have the garden, and l have fed the birds – but l don’t dilly dally out there in the heavy rain … l am crazy, not insane – there is a huge difference you know.
Suze said last year that living with a partner who has Asperger’s is at times like living by yourself, and that one could feel lonely and that was one of the reasons for our split. That saddened me immensely as l hated the thought that l had made someone feel like that … as l don’t try and upset people emotionally.
I don’t believe in loneliness but that doesn’t mean that l can’t sympathise with those who believe they are lonely – it simply means that l personally don’t believe in loneliness as a thing. Sure l can occupy my time very easily, but l have never said l don’t need people in my life to offer my life variety – because l do, most of us actually do.
I don’t have a problem with my own company, l have enough to occupy my time and mind , l can live by myself easily and have done so for many of my years … to the point, that at times people have likened me to a hermit – l deny that … l don’t shun people, l don’t even shun society .. l just don’t like all people and l don’t like all society … l like some.
But l live here by myself, in the lockdown – yes another one – during the pandemic – the same one, just a new variant – without anyone to actually talk to except myself and l have been engaged in that to the point of ridiculous humour … maybe. But what l miss in actual physical interaction – l miss the companionship of another person – not a significant person – just being able to speak to someone other than myself, l miss intellectual conversation and banter. Sure, one can blog but that is all textual it is not actual conversation.
I talked to my mother last weekend , l talked to Suze one day briefly last week, l might say Hello to perhaps 100 people while out walking, but l am not stopping for chat .. it’s a passing greeting. I don’t have a dog or a cat, and as much as l love the latter – l don’t want a cat and l am not yet ready for another dog as l am still grieving Scrappy. I miss being able to flirt with women … l miss that a lot actually .. l need flirting as a part of my stimuli – it helps me tick – when l could browse in the shops, l could chatter and flirt and banter away – it makes one feel human and useful again. The difference is ……………l just don’t need people in my life all day every day l guess, just sometimes …. is nice.
I am experiencing the lockdown blues , an example is, “You know you are starting to unravel, when you see signs in the gravel!” Oh yes, l am thinking of writing a poem about it … it’s not depression, for tomorrow is another day and l should be fine … but it’s that moment when everything just seems to be on top of you … you know?
It was great to get out today …………… everything was just sooooooooooooooo wet …. but l was at least dry for a while, till the squirrel and l took refuge under his tree.
Anyway … thanks for reading … catch up with you again.