Morning Musings

Morning Musings Directory
Season 5 – Winter 2020
Series 5– Starting Anew
Wednesday 30th December 2020 – Walk Time 113 Mins
Live your life, just so you can live your life?

Live your life, just so you can live your life?

Starting Anew

I was planning on starting Season 5 – Series 5 Morning Musings next month on the 18th or something, but reconsidered – why start then what l can start now. Next year is all about ‘starting the new year 2021 with a bit more optimism’ than l find myself currently ending 2020 with.

Don’t get me wrong l am not demotivated or depressed, but l know l am not particularly happy with my life and l am trying to find ways of making me happier .. but like a lot of people – this year has been somewhat tumultuous and it’s been a hellovva of year hasn’t it? It’s not just been one thing – it’s been several and many and frequently many of several!!

I still find it hard to believe that in a little under two weeks time, Scrappy has been gone for a year – that hasn’t got any easier, l still miss her terribly and l am pretty sure that her loss affected me quite damningly too – she went and took a huge slice of my soul with her and l have felt pretty lost since that time.

Never mind everything else on top of that, which followed in the months after that has led me to my life today as l type. I think also back to January and the horrors and sadness l felt at watching Australia burn and all the lives, animal and human alike that had been lost…
… then pandemics, lockdowns and the fears and the deaths, the global deaths and it all adds to a long term covid fatigue – we all have it – even those who continually say they are fine, have it – they just are not aware of it.

If they don’t, you must ask yourself why don’t they? People have changed significantly this year .. l have seen it – in WordPress alone l have seen people change before my eyes and still they say 2020 hasn’t affected them … therefore, they are NOT even aware that this pandemic has changed their outlook on life.

I think of Suze recovering from throat cancer, we both hope for her sake that they eradicated it from her body and she doesn’t have this to dog her continually throughout her coming years – that’s not pessimstic that’s realistic .. once there – you are always wondering if it’ll come back and more importantly, will you?

Moving to Sandwich was lovely, but as lovely as it is …. l am still not happy, l am unhappy and so l must try and find a level of happiness that l am content with over simply existing day to day as l am … because where’s the fun in that? What’s the point to that? Why do that? Live your life, just so you can live your life? What’s great about that?

A couple of years ago, we all agreed to a post that l wrote that Happiness is very hard to define and each person’s reflection of happiness is different. Many of you said quite rightly , that happiness doesn’t really exist – you have to simply find what you like doing and do more of it and perhaps that result is a happiness or in the very least a sense of achievement.

I thought in 2020 even with all the upheavals that l might be able to redefine me … but l have struggled with that and so in 2021 l really need to ‘redefine me’ as l am not getting any younger and l need to discover my purpose properly. Suze occasionally asks me – ‘Why are you exercising, like you are?’ It’s a good question and it has many answers – but one of them – is because l am no longer ‘happy with me as a person’. That’s what l have discovered in 2020 about me … l want to make myself a better person. I am a good person, but l am no longer feeling complete. I need to know what completes me and once l find that out perhaps and maybe l can start to understand how to feel good about me again and maybe start to chase my happiness or my version of happiness again.

Only a few times in my life have l been truly happy, and in the last few years l have been unahppy – so that’s a good thing – as it means l am at least being honest with myself and not lying about it … get all the negatives out and then aim for the positive sort of thing.

I started a new route today … l aimed for 12,000 steps and achieved that easily. The route is above – l showed it initially yesterday in Dear Blog – 16.25 – 29/12/20. It starts from the bottom of my road and instead of turning left, l turn right and aim for the quay and continue walking towards the outskirts of town whilst keeping the River Stour on my left hand side. I walked the new circuit addition twice and then tagged on to finish … a Ramparts walk. It took me a little under two hours and would have taken less had l not stopped to take some photographs.

The weather was good for the walk, l managed to get started a little earlier because of that and yes, it was cold, but brisk and dry and once l started to warm up with the walk itself l slowly started to unravel from my woolly hat, snug gloves and comfortable scarf and swing into the warm pace of a good solid walk.

The walk itself is called Sandwich Haven and the River Stour runs around it. The walk principally is surrounding fields and was very popular with dog walkers, hikers, walkers, strollers, runners and cyclists alike. There are quite a few public footpaths that also veer off in different directions – like coastal paths and sea paths as well. It walks you past the Sandwich Marina and the industrial side to the town.

The river is hidden mostly by bullrush and variants of rush with tree lined pathways on the south side. it’s well maintained and it wasn’t often that l found myself walking in mud thankfully – because l really hate mud!! I would say each circuit if l was to push it without photography would take me roughly 25 minutes and it is 3500 steps long which is 500 steps longer than a normal Ramparts circuit.

It was a great walk and l was super pleased to be able chart new stomping grounds for my walking and of course future musings, so on that note … my thanks for reading, catch up with you again.

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19 thoughts on “Morning Musings

  1. In search of happiness or in search of your true self?
    Both can be a journey of discovery. I hope you find what makes you, Rory happy.

    1. Happiness at this present time would be not spending two hours writing a post for WP to then delete it and having to quickly start again .. if you view this post again Sadje, you’ll see the photos originally attached 🙂

  2. Happiness can be elusive. For me, I have spent much of this year finding gratitude which in turn has made me happy. I have fought the sad times with doing things which made me truly happy. It has been mostly a success. I know I have changed this year. How could anyone in lockdown not?

  3. #3, #5 & #8 are my favorites. And yes, WP is still extremely annoying!

    I had the “happiness” conversation with Older Daughter recently. She is very unhappy. She’s always looking for something to fill the hole she feels. I told her that outside “things” will never fill it. She needs to patch it up herself.
    But that aside, “happiness” isn’t sustainable IMO. There can be moments, but I aim for contentment. I have my long range plan to run away, and it WILL happen. Even if it’s a scaled down version.
    I don’t know for sure, but I think my purpose is to help people in small ways. It seems to be what I do. And it *does* give me satisfaction when I can lift or aid others.

    Good luck on your search, JB. It will come to you. These things always do. In *their* time… not ours. That’s the difficult part😉


    1. Yes l think the term these days is contentment – l agree with that. I think the biggest problem l have is the split personality side of Neuroaspie and Aspie – one is relatively balanced in the light whilst the other is swinging wildly in the dark – if people honestly knew what l sometimes battle with they might wonder like l do how l am not in a pool of my own blood at times.

      1. I’ve only observed autistic folks, I can’t know what it’s like to BE them, but knowing what I do… I’m seriously impressed that you’ve held up as well as you have. ALL the changes, ALL the uncertainties, the losses, and ALL the physical pain on top. I wish you any some of my other blog friends were closer. I’d break rules and hang out. Safely, of course.

        1. Thanks Grandma, it’s been a tough year for us all 🙂 Let’s hope for more fun in 21 eh ? Am quite eager to see the pumpkin leave the White House 🙂

  4. For me, happiness is not a thing to pursue in itself. It’s a byproduct of doing things I’m good at and/or being useful to a project. If I simply try to “be happy,” I will fail…

    1. Maybe, maybe for some, maybe not for others …is it a case of losing it – l know where you are coming from with this and l appreciate that. I can relate to that on so many personal levels of understanding … l think we do know when we are happy, but is happy the word.

  5. Not being pessimistic, just realistic… hmm, that phrase has got me really thinking. Is it possible to sound optimistic when being realistic? 🤔

  6. This is a beautiful post and an inspiring one. I ought to get my camera working and get back to walking and taking photos. Maybe we could do a virtual comparison walk, with photos?

    Do you cycle, Rory? It would take you further afield. Also, I think you should take up sketching! If you don’t already. 🙂

      1. Something to consider for 2021. I would think mainly a grid of photos and a short post, or possibly some prompts-challenges on the walk.

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