|Episode 4||25/12/2020||Brisker 25 Directory|
I set off for a 10K walk this morning around 9.35am. I was debating whether to walk 10,000 steps or 12,000 as l should be doing. My OCD , exercise routines and me are at loggerheads constantly … the OCD demands that l do everything that my exercise routines demands whilst l sometimes look at them both and say ‘cut me some slack, l am tired!’ But l have motivationals all over the house you know? Those slogans of positivity …
… and at times they can be your nemesis equally as much as your motivator! Like the damn FitBit demanding that you complete 250 steps per hour and even if you are busy it’s buzzing on your wrist … like now … must feed it!! Be right back!!
I enjoy my walking, my exercising l really do – l enjoy watching the change in me physically – l am achy these last few days because my calf muscles are at a new exercise stage and this means that as the muscles develop and progress to a new fitness regime they feel the strain – so l will ache for a couple of days whilst they adjust.
I have also upped my indoor cycling time to 35 minutes a day broken into 2 sections – one of 10 minutes and the usual 25 minutes block. I am slowly introducing a further 35 minutes on top of the 25 to make for a total of 60 minutes daily cycling … so this means that my right knee ligaments and tendons feel the strain also … achy muscles , make you tired .. but cutting slack doesn’t get the job done, even with baby steps!
The stomach battle can be at times a little demotivational – considering l wasn’t an enormous weighted blob when l first started and further considering all the exercising l am physically doing and it literally is going to be the last thing to give up … but l enjoy the challenge …… what l don’t enjoy so much is ‘feeling guilty’ if l don’t exercise to my own targets and expectations … so l do, because l ‘have to’.
Those who understand the why ‘we have to’ know exactly what l mean … ‘no pains, no gains’, ‘can’t criticise the targets you set and didn’t make if you didn’t set to the work‘, those sorts of things. I have a long term goal of defeating my stomach fat and hopefully also a 25+ year gastrointenstinal disorder through diet and exercise. It can be hard being me or a person like me because we are at times our biggest enemies, we are our biggest motivators and also our biggest critics! We have buttons we press to make sure we implode if we don’t do what we said we are going to do.
Matters not what others say, so if you are thinking of saying ‘don’t be so hard on yourself’ – please don’t, because it matters not what you say because you are not … me, or us. We know already what you say is the truth .. BUT we have to complete our tasks before we allow ourselves to relax or chill out. Not doing it, simply means it doesn’t get done – it’s that simple – so l keep my long term goal in mind and l keep at it – through the obstacles, through the pain and so on – because in order to get it done, in order to achieve that long term goal l have to keep doing it.
This obsession styled personality of mine has cost me before … it’s a behaviour trait with me … hands up, l am the first to say it’s not a great attribute – but it’s the way l am made. I don’t do things in half meaures – l am either in it to win it or l am not in it at all.
It’s been a strange year for me – yes, l know, for you too .. but it’s been decidedly tough at times – tougher than l would like it. I am used to looking at myself reflectively, tearing my self into pieces, examining them closely, discarding what is not good and keeping the good bits as well as the bits that may have potential for adaption and evolving into something better.
The exercise and determination through at times gritted teeth is one of these ‘bits’. It’s also like a demon hunter or chaser or something – l am searching myself deeply when l challenge myself hard and l am looking for someone – it’s me .. but who am l going to be in 2021? 2020 has changed me without a shadow of doubt, l sensed the changes before the major changes began … Exercising as l am is almost like a snake shedding its skin through molting .. l am molting …
|I saw an image at Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #96 well over a week ago, and it stuck in my head and it’s been there for 11 days and l am determined to do something with it. I researched the image as well because it is so fascinating, and so people and also so Sandwich really in many ways and l have walking daily with that image in my head since l first saw it and trying to understand what captivates me about it.|
|Capturing a World of Emptiness|
I decided to walk 10,000 steps this morning and achieved this with three Rampart circuits and some mix and match. The streets were so charmingly quiet to begin with at the half nine to ten o’clock marker, a little busier on circuit 2 and much busier by circuit 3 and eleven o’clock in the morning. More dog walkers were out enjoying the sun and the quiet as they knew it and thought it, but not my quiet of an hour earlier.
I took a total of 235 photos and l dwindled those down to 63 and then edited those or rather used a light filter to improve the shadows and cropped them to display the image more suitably and then l further cut them down to a total of 24 images only and discarded all the others, but these 24 l think are the best and show parts of Sandwich you don’t normally see due to the traffic – the buildings remind me of the Fandango image also.
Hope you enjoy them and thanks for reading.