The Teddy Bear Stories – Rosie Bear and Wild Thing Gorilla Bear
This is a very small and in truth painful tale, but Rosie and Wild Thing are two of the last in this series aside from Tiggery which l shall write about in a weeks time there abouts. I do remember telling you that sadly not all of the ‘rescues’ are nice and cuddly like the bears themselves, this is one that isn’t so soft ..
I can’t throw a bear away whatever some might say, l can’t physically bring myself to discard of a bear in my possession. Once a bear is part of the clan, it stays part of the Bear Clan, and Rosie and Wild Thing have been a part of this clan since 2007/8. Wild Thing was bought for me by my girlfriend for part of my Christmas present back in 2007 and Rosie Bear was bought for me for Valentine’s Day 2008. So, respectively 13 years and 14 years mostly is/are their ages.
They were bought as a tokens of love and celebration not just for Christmas and Valentine’s Day but for the joyous news of trying for a baby and ‘a supposed’ pregnancy which turned out to be deliberately false… I rarely write of the relationship prior to living in the caravan, but l have written about it in the past, maybe in just glimpses, because in some ways it is still raw to the nerves especially given my background and history.
Long before Suze was in my life – which to the unknowing was 2012, l was in a relationship during my divorce from my ex-wife. My ex and l had been married from December 1994 – March 2008. We officially seperated in February 2007 and were divorced by March 2008, but in real honesty, my ex and l although living in the same house – we only shared a roof, as l had been sleeping downstairs from 2004. A long complex and complicated story sadly, that doesn’t live in this tale.
I started living in an old butchers in Dunsby in Lincolnshire from March 2007 with my four dogs and 3 cats and l was reasonably happy … but l made a mistake – l do openly admit to this … l wasn’t hit by a rebound, l genuinely met a girl and fell in love, l fell hard and l fell fast. She was 10 years my juinor and she was the first woman in my life for many years who had actually shown me affection. I divorced my ex-wife for mental cruelty and unreasonable behaviour , but l wasn’t allowed to cite the adultery she had committed as the law in the UK had changed and suddenly l wasn’t allowed to divorce her for mental cruelty, unreasonable behaviour and having sex with another man or politely known as adultery.
My ex-wife wasn’t happy with her husband … she had wanted children, don’t get me wrong, l had too – but l was very worried about my mental health, l was and had been from the age of 30 experiencing mental breaks, l was in a world of hell, a self harmer, l blacked out constantly, l felt inner rage … there was no way l was going to allow myself to bring a child into the world .. l was obviously broken and quite possibly beyond repair. My wife considered her husband weird and so she sought solace from guys she knew at work, friends and where ever else.
When l was living by myself, l was happier than when l was living with my ex-wife, l can’t deny that – l had all l needed in the world with my dogs and my cats … but being a typical male and having come from an unloved marriage of many years, it didn’t take me long before some younger pretty thing would make an impact in my life. I was working in an industry that had power and prestige and l was on a good income as a sole trader. I was respected and well known for what l did and what l traded in.
I would have loved the opportunity to have been a father again and my new girlfriend knew this and knew my history. Our first Christmas together in 2007 was a like the Christmas of the Century and l felt very happy. By 2008, we were discussing children and trying and so by May 2008 when l was told she was pregnant, l was over the moon. But 2008, was a very strange year. Late 2007, l was first recognised as potentially being on the spectrum …. this made more sense. I had always put my poor quality mental health down to simply bipolar … maybe with a twist.
In June, a month after the supposed pregnancy l was diagnosed as being Asperger’s Syndrome and suddenly things changed with us as a couple … by August, apparently there was a miscarriage. Which might have been true, l can’t say because two of the biggest problems with my girlfriend was that she smoked a lot of weed [no, l didn’t] and she drank a lot of cider [no, l didn’t] and l couldn’t get her to drop either of them without her resenting it.
But her behaviour was changing, she wasn’t the woman l had met and fell in love with. There is a lot of darkness to this story, that l may write about somewhere in my future again, but by November 2008, my girlfriend was not a nice person to know … she was no longer present nor pregnant and in December she turned around and told me that she had only pretended to be pregnant so that we might marry, but l hadn’t proposed to her so she was tired of playing the game and so decided to end it … the other thing was even simpler and crueler she didn’t want to be pregnant with someone with my illness as it meant all our children would be stupid!
It was a rough time to say the least, and we split up as a couple in 2009, once more we simply shared a roof …. but when we split up, she threw Rosie Bear and Wild Thing out of the top window of the house and into the garden and l couldn’t have that … so rescued them back again and hid them safe away from her evil ways. This is a hard tale to write because it has more depth and darkness than l have shared here. But of all the crap from that relationship and all the horrors and upsets and bitterness, l managed to salvage and rescue the essence of the love that l felt with these two bears when l got them. They’re my bears, they stay with the Bear Clan and they are happy for it too.
And that is the story of Rosie Bear and Wild Thing Gorilla Bear’
So there we go another tale for The Teddy Bear Stories – my thanks as always for reading.