A Timer To Set Up The Heat?

A Timer To Set Up The Heat?

This afternoon, whilst taking a few minutes for lunch l was watching an episode of Loose Women and an interesting topic came up which was Setting an established time to have arguments. Well this aroused my curiosity and fascination at the same time, so l thought let’s pose it to the readership. What do they think?

It principally works to the tune of instead of just exploding at the time of an incident to each other, you should hold off, buy yourselves a timer and then schedule a time when you have the arguments. So it might be suggested as an example that next Sunday we are all going to set the timer for 1, 2, 5 or 10 minutes just to argue between ourselves.

Once the Timer is set and the first person to vent off has finished, the other person can then opt to respond or NOT respond at all. During the Timer period, the arguer is the only one to speak, and the listener is to be 100% quiet and not butt in or counter argue when the arguer is venting. If the listener decides to NOT respond, then nothing else can be said throughout the day with regards the vented topic.

I found this interesting as well as a little bit silly – l mean l can understand if this was about ‘Discussion’ and setting up an established time to discuss something. But most arguments and conflicts are a spontaneous combustion moment – so l cannot see how if something happened on a Monday and the established period to counter argue and argue was the following Sunday – how would that work effectively without bitterness and resentments from developing during the days leading to the official day?

Suze and l when together as a couple never argued, we both hate conflict with a passion. My ex wife and l argued constantly .. l should rephrase, she argued a lot – she loved arguments and l could never see her agreeing to wait X amount of days to argue. But then she was aggressive to boot, l wasn’t .. but in the end to avoid arguments and aggressions – l just stopped caring.

I text Suze about this question and asked her opinion and it was this …

We don’t argue

I think scheduling time for arguing is ridiculous as arguments usually happen as a result of something!

I agree with Suze, l don’t like arguments, l prefer discussion – but l also know my limits and boundaries and arguments with the wrong person can make me seriously explode because l do have quite a volatile temper, so l tend to walk away from conflicts more, which is what l would try to do with my ex-wife – sometimes that worked, many a time it did not and when it didn’t she would become aggressive.

So to the question ….

What are your thoughts on Setting an established time to have arguments?

Let me know below – thanks.

28 thoughts on “A Timer To Set Up The Heat?

  1. It would never work for me. I’d either say what I have to say there and then or would probably forget about it in the interim period.

  2. I think that asking for an argument is ridiculous.
    Personally, I hate to argue.
    All matters should be talked through and discussed before they escalate to argument status… just my humble opinion.

  3. I get setting up a time to have sex, but an argument…no way. Unless, of course, it’s an argument about when to have sex.

  4. My timer or thermostat is dysfunctional, meaning the one for my body, not the home. Hypothyroidism. Underactive thyroid. The thyroid is the bodies thermostat, though you may already know.

  5. What are your thoughts on Setting an established time to have arguments? That would have been useful to know about when my husband was still alive and we were still together (which we would not have been if he’d lived longer). In some cases I doubt the time frame thing would work, because folks are intrinsically different and some folks are masters (mistresses) at the grudge and have honed their skills in pouting and being hurt by things meant to be discussed. I always heard it said that married people ought not ever go to sleep on an unresolved argument. I found out that if the relationship has soured enough, that doesn’t ever work.

  6. Silliest dang idea I ever heard of! I’ve said to a Daughter or friend “I need to vent, please dont interrupt and dont take it personally” and just let go.

    But arguments by nature are emotional reactions. Discussions use thought. Scheduling emotions is ridiculous.

    1. Absolutely – but did you know it is now a thing being used by marriage guidance counsellors in the UK? One can see now, why so many marriages dissolve πŸ™‚

      1. The only benefit I can see would be that with time, maybe something that was irritating might lose some of its steam. Like maybe it was just a bad day or something like that. But like the other comments, it could make things worse too. Give a person time to stew on it, add on more stuff to it.
        People in general are just losing it! No wonder I’m a hermitπŸ˜‰πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  7. No … that is like scheduling sex 🀨 that’s ridiculous

    If we heated about something – sometimes I like to wait – give me time to process and calm down.

    But not schedule. We come back together to discuss when emotions not high. But I’m not scheduling that or using a timer ⏱

    No!! I don’t like that at all… that would just make me not want to care – ugh really the timer again? Lol

    Yeah that is not for me – time to cool down is fine… just not rigid with it

    Timer does not make it calm to me.

    1. YER!! Trisha l totally agree. πŸ™‚

      Seriously though l do, scheduling an emotional conflict is not good it means at times you are generating warfare.

  8. Hmm… I’m undecided with this. I can see both pro’s and cons. I’m swaying more to the cons though as I wouldn’t want to wait to a specific time because built-up anger/upset (that I’ve not said aloud) can make me unwell. On a lighter note, I would be useless in this situation as, due to my hearing loss, after their time was up, I would have to ask them to repeat themselves πŸ˜‚

      1. As the penguins said in the film Madagascar, “Smile and wave boys, just smile and wave” πŸ˜‚

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