The Saga of the Furry Football! [4]

Poetry Directory

Miscellaneous Topical Posts Directory

Tuesday 10th November 2020 Progress Report!

The Saga of the Furry Football!

“People don’t stop to think

and appreciate the effort.”

“They just bite into the delicacy.”

The Art Of Baking Cookies For Strangers

I read this poem the other day on Kristian’s blog Life Lessons from Around the Dinner Table and it struck a chord of resonation within me – not directly, but that’s the way at times isn’t it … sometimes – some things do something to you? Kristian’s poem did something to me, and those three lines above just … l don’t know exactly what? But it just touched me.

I asked Kristian, if l could use those three lines for this post and she said yes. So my sincere thanks Madam K.

07th Sep – 112th Sep – 2
The Saga of the Furry Football!The Saga of the Furry Football!
07th Oct – 310th Nov – 4
The Saga of the Furry Football!The Saga of the Furry Football!

An update to my weight loss exercise programme – currently l am weighing in at 13 stone and my BMI is 26.9 and apparently is classing me still as overwight even though l am not gaining weight, but gaining more muscle – it still advises me to lose 9lbs or 5% of my body weight. Well l am not entirely quite sure how l am to do that? It says l should have a daily calorie intake only of between 1998 – 2569 and preferably the lower end of the range and target losing 1 – 2 lbs per week.

My FitBit informs me as l write this now that l have burned off just over 2100 calories today … but l am not counting how many l am consuming, so l guess that’s the next step. Although the figures suggest that the average male should be looking to burn off between 2-3000 calories per day, so l guess l am in range there. My average daily calorie burn off is between 2100 to 2500 pending what off bike exercises l do on the day.

I walk most days in the morning even when wet unless it is literally hammering it down and not wise to actually walk. I have tailored my indoor exercise now to reflect a more moderate level of healthy exercise so as to NOT over exercise which can make you take more weight on board.

I now only cycle once a day and l am currently on 25 minutes working towards 60 minutes per day. Each new day l add 3 new minutes, so in 13 days from today l will be cycling for 60 minutes a day five days a week. On the days that l don’t cycle l still walk and perform off bike workouts. When cycling l also perform on bike exercises like hand weights and upper shoulder exercises. I take one day off a week, with no exercise whatso ever apart from walking.

Despite the muscle mass gain, l am having problems actually losing the furry football itself [see below images left – 7th September and right = 10th November] and l now suspect this might be more to do with the gastrodisorder l have over that of not doing enough in the healthy department.

Since l last wrote briefly on this subject just under a week ago, l have really streamlined my diet. I went through everything with a fine toothcomb and took loads out that l considered to be harmful to my gut and both increased exercise variety but moderated my actual duration exercise to be more healthy.

So in essence it is only a week since l stripped everything away … by that configuration l should hopefully start to see a more significant improvement in a month from today….

... however here’s the 4th part to the Ode itself.

Part 4 – Butt Cracking Walnuts!

I used to love the eating of good food,
….. although not so much anymore,
With everything ongoing l am rarely in the mood,
… and eating at times has become a banal chore!

I have never been one for enthusiastic dieting,
… due to my stomach having a mind of its own,
In that department and is quite keen on rioting,
…. If it feels threatened by the exotically unknown!

It’s hard at times l jest with you not,
I am a qualified chef by trade,
… and yet some foods now leave me in knots
And in need of urgent dunny first aid!

In the last three months alone ….
…. I have given up all manner of sorts!
As well as acquired many new behavioural zones,
In which to exercise in my gelled sporty shorts!!


No longer do l overdo the caffeine,
Two black cups a day with invisible sugar,
Is all l allow myself to glean,
…. In the bid to reduce the fuller…
Figured look l used to display!
Back in the day!!
Not anymore,
…. Though for sure!!

I have given up mostly everything of delight,
In my furious battle to fight…
…the notorious furry football!
Who had become to me a bit of an eyesore!
Whilst not completely as of yet,
…on a strict diet of cardboarded water!
It would be a hard push to get ..
…. Much leaner than now for this walker!


I mean ….
…. I try to keep my diet clean,
So, no more do l partake in candies nor sweets,
…. White potatoes, fries, chips, or red meats!
Drinks are now merely semi-skimmed milks,
Waters and occasional coffees and no carbonated treats!
… or anything that induces a hic hic!
Gone too are the crisps and sweetened savoury biscuits,
…. No white breads gluten free or not,
Extracted everything once considered delicious,
.. and memories from afore are fast becoming forgot!
Bidden farewell to pastries, cakes, and cookies,
…. Ice creams, sundaes and sadly pizza too,
Junk foods and l no longer share a history,
…. And now foods are basic with not even a hint of BBQ!

However, now l eat more vegetables,
Leafy kales, spinaches, and mushrooms too,
Caulis, brocks and carrots complete the ensemble…
….. not forgetting the fish, eggs and ‘sauteed bamboo!
Okay the ‘bamboo’ isn’t entirely true,
…. But if l thought it would tip the scale,
In my favour to lose the belly voodoo…
…. I would eat dirty grass and trodden snails!!!

I retire to bed early and sleep for 8 hours,
…. Have three’ ish meals a day,
Exercise wisely that supposedly empowers,
…. The body in a friendly way!
Drink plenty of fluids and consume high fibres,
Use smaller crocked plates,
 … and indoor cycle for miles and bloody miles
,
Not forgetting the pilates!

As much ‘in the saddle’ exercise that l enjoy,
…. I also now have a variety of working outs,
That l can also deploy,
Like, hand weights, pelvic thrusts, and pouts,

Walking, steps, arcs and stretches,
…. Zumba dancing as well,
Oh yes mustn’t forget the push away flexes!
… It’s not all hell!

It can be fun, in a strange kind of way…
…. Knowing that you are working towards a newer you!
It just takes dedication and on more than one day,
…. And eventually you’ll hit the breakthrough!

I am, no word of a lie, losing the surplus fat,
…. I am it’s true building up solid muscle weight,
Admittedly my stomach is not yet flat …
… rather disappointedly, but its growth rate,
Is not expanding either!
… which is good news l have to say,
It’s made me a believer…
…. That exercise is the forwarded way!
My calves, thighs, and glutes are indeed cracking!
…. Probably could smash walnuts!
Given the chance with the muscle they are now packing!
… and shoot the broken shells clean out of my lean butt!

© Rory Matier 2020

A Guy Called Bloke Banner Poetry Directory 2 JPEG

44 thoughts on “The Saga of the Furry Football! [4]

  1. I would NOT eat dirty grass and trodden snails!!! EVEN if they were the magic elixir that would bring me down to high school weight when I thought I was soooo fat…

  2. Escargot isn’t horrible, but… I really dont think it’s a weight loss secret either.😂
    When I come to visit you, I’m bringing some pecans from my tree… we’ll put that claim to the test!😉🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  3. It’s not wise to put walnuts in your booty. Squirrel attacks are rare, but do happen. Once a squirrel gets in there…it will nest. You don’t want that.

        1. You are quite right, l am at that pinacle point of weight finally shifting to visibly show the loss, over the point where as much as you look it doesn’t seem to be moving despite your best efforts haha 🙂

          1. It shouldn’t be. Besides, health experts advise against these things as the weaken the stomach wall muscles. 👍

          2. Oh yes l do know, l know what it’s like to wear an additional layer of clothing under a heavy coat during these months, l sweat like a pighog so wearing gladwrap on your stomach would be terrible 🙂

  4. Thanks so much for the shoutout, Rory! I applaud you on your weightloss journey! I’m on one too, as you know. I’ll leave the snails for you, though. 😆

    1. Hey Madam K, always a pleasure – tell me something l noticed in one of your photos during workout …. your watch displayed a complete breakdown is that similiar to a FitBit?

      1. It is a fitbit. I can’t remember the name off the top of my head, but I believe it’s a Fitbit vibe. I love it. It tells me how many calories I’ve burned during a workout as well as throughout the day. I can keep track of the amount of water I consume. It’s really neat!

        1. Mm, thank you, l have l think quite a basic FitBit, l will look further into your make as l think l need to scale up a bit – thanks for the info Kristian 🙂

          How is your journey coming along? I remember seeing your ‘sweating shot’ and thinking, mm, if that’s you sweating, l must look like a drowned rat hahahaha!! 🙂

          1. Haha. I looked worse in person, trust me! 😂 It’s coming along. I hurt my back, so I’ve been having more rest days than I like, but I’m listening to my body, because I’d rather rest for a few days from soreness than be forced to rest for weeks from an injury. It’s also my birthday week, so I’ve been indulging more than I care to admit, but hey, life’s all about balance, right?! 😉

          2. Wow, to be 21 again 🙂 Got to be good. A Scorpio to boot – excellent 🙂

            I love music also, makes it easier to die to the vibes 🙂

            Well l will now have a dedication for you tomorrow morning to celebrate your day Kristian, what who you like to listen to ?

          3. Haha. Far from 21, my dear, but the 30’s have been enjoyable, for the most part.

            Music is life!

            You are too kind, Rory! It’s so hard to narrow it down because I love so many songs. Hmmm….. I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) by The Proclaimers, always brings a smile to my face. 🙂💜

          4. Consider it a done deal Madam K 🙂

            The 30’s have been enjoyable, for the most part. Mm, l am guessing with an answer like that, you are in your mid thirties then or approaching them faster than you would like 🙂

            I remember them with a naughty deliciousness 🙂

          5. I’ll be 36 tomorrow. Great guess. I lost my mom in my early 30’s, and I almost lost my husband, so those years were rough, but I have also gained perspective, grown a lot, learned more about who I truly am, rediscovered my inner child, and made memories that will stay with me for the rest of my life. Here’s hoping the last 4 years bring much of the same!

            Thank you! And I’ve made some naughty, delicious memories these years as well, but I hope those continue through all of my decades! 😉

          6. Good age, remember it well.

            Yes you have a rough era so far Madam K – BUT you are getting through and on with it – so well done.

            Salut to more deliciously naughty memories for you too 🙂

    1. Hey Eugenia, yes very much so, but as Sadje has offered l am now on the plateau – getting there. 🙂 Reminds me of Rome – not a single day was it built in 🙂

Comments are closed.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: