Do People ‘Really’ Want Honesty?

Do People ‘Really’ Want Honesty?

I always wonder about this …… people say they want honesty from people, that liars are bad, that the whole truth is better than a half truth or no truth and yet in the same breath say they want relatability they want resonation they want the truth! They don’t want fake news, they want the real news and then they stop watching the real news and tune into to more fake news because it is easier to swallow or then just stop listening to news because it is too overwhelming?

I always remember a line in the 1992 film A Few Good Men with Cruise, Nicholson and Moore about people not being able to handle the truth! I find myself questioning that more these days – can people really handle the truth and more importantly as much as they say they want the truth – do they really want the truth, do they really want more honesty?

What is honesty to people – does it start with them wanting it from others or just wanting it from themselves? Do people really hate liars? Is that because they don’t think they can trust a liar?

Fandango asked two quality questions in the last 8 days that l am sure you have seen and may well have answered already and they are :

21/10/20Do you blog anonymously? Why or why not?
14/10/20Is it even possible to live a normal life and to not ever tell a lie?

I find these two questions quite provoking which is not to be considered strange as they are in fact part of the wonderful series Fandango offers his readership weekly Fandango’s Provocative Question.

I find it fascinating because l was talking to someone only yesterday who conceded that the British public didn’t want the truth, they just wanted to bury their heads in the sand and get on with things and not face the truth because they probably couldn’t handle the truth..

I find Fandango’s question from this week quite fascinating because on one hand people say they want honest relatable content and yet people also say they want anonymity as well as no anonymity – which then makes me think, that people may not actually want the real truth at all, but a passable truth – a truth that makes them feel safe and less vulnerable?

Online Anonymity is a subject l have always been intrigued by. Years and years ago, 2005 l used to write on forums under a pseudonym – it was Pied Piper. I wasn’t really writing under a false name for any real reason apart from l believed more people would recognise my business name than they would my real name. That was the truth .. when l started my business TSKA and at that time l was writing on a big reptile forum in the UK, l decided to drop the pseudonym side and go with TSKA Rory Matier – Brand and Real names.

I found that by not displaying my name and who l was people trusted me less – of course, they trusted the brand, but they didn’t know me – it was a classic case of irony in many ways. When at shows or exhibitions l used to introduce myself and people would instantly say ‘So who are you again, is your name then Mr Tiska?

With business it’s always best to use your real name when online anyway to build and establish trust.

There are always pros and cons with regards online non business anonymity, it is a grey area and one l think in the next 5 years tops will change and it will become more or less mandatory for anons to display themselves as real people. With the way that other social media platforms now exercise communications – l don’t think there will be much of an avenue for anonymity and at that point l think people will really rethink how they display their expressionisms.

At my own concession l am too openly honest, but that’s just me and despite what many might say about everyone ‘lying’ – l tend to take that with a pinch of salt – not everyone does lie even in today’s world – but of course, then one must ask for the truest definition of a lie in today’s world?

So if being honest ‘is the best policy‘ is anonymity being honest and do people truly care about that anymore?

So we come back to the opening question once more ...

Do People ‘Really’ Want Honesty or only think they do?

Let me know your thoughts below.

49 thoughts on “Do People ‘Really’ Want Honesty?

  1. I think people prefer honesty to dishonesty (i.e., lying), but sometimes “brutal honesty” can be hurtful and most people will temper what they say so as not to hurt another, even if that means telling a little white lie, like “No, sweetie, your butt doesn’t look fat in those jeans.”

    As to blogging anonymously, I don’t consider that to be lying or being dishonest. Sure, maybe people present themselves in their blogs the way they want to be perceived without having their appearance influence how they may be received. It’s like the American TV show, “The Voice.” The contestants are judged during the “blind auditions” by how well they sing, not what they look like. When you blog anonymously, as I do, you can be judged exclusively by what you write in your posts.

    If it ever does get to a point where blogging anonymously is no longer possible, I may quit blogging.

    1. I think if people lose their choice of whether to be anon or not, l think many people will sadly disappear from the online scene – people like the freedom of NOT being visible and that is their personal perrogative.

      Well l have made the mistake of my ex wife asking for honesty on that very question ‘bum too big in this?’ I answered yes, but not to be nasty but only because she asked me to be honest! It’s a terrible question to be asked … do you lie to be nice, or lie to be easier and then if someone else comments on size of said bottom, you still lose for trying to be nice.

      I think the truth is simply better as an option or alternatively don’t ask the question from me EVER about bottoms.

      Good answers .

  2. I see a difference between lying about objective and subjective things. Opinions are entirely subjective, and don’t represent any sort of objective truth. A lot of our opinions aren’t particularly nice, so why be nasty if there’s no compelling reason for it? I see Fandango just mentioned the scenario of wifey asking if her butt looks fat. If you like how her butt looks, regardless of its size and what it’s got on, it seems like the best thing all around to convey that message instead.

        1. As in the general Egyptian Mummy as in King Tut? Well l am sad to read you may not be feeling 100% but good to see your sparkling humour is still wonderfully present 🙂

  3. Ashley brings up a great point. Opinions are subjective. I also agree with Fandago that “brutal honesty” is often just brutal.

    For me, I prefer the plain simple truth. And if asked, I will tell the truth. My opinion… yes, your butt looks fat. Dont ask if you dont want a true answer.

    Back to your reasoning, I think most people do want to bury their heads, carry on and hope someone else will chase the monsters away. I’d rather know what’s REALLY happening. Information and ALL the information helps deal with the situation.

    Our governments should not be telling half-truths or straight out lies to “keep people from panicking”. I think most people would agree that uncertainty is more frightening than cold, hard facts.

    To summarize… please tell me if my butt looks fat, but only if I ask. And tell me all of the facts so I can make an informed decision or choice.

        1. Well there is – it’s my brutal no grey honesty! I try to moderate and be nice but it comes over way too creepy so l just say it as it is i if l am going to be disliked at least dislike me for my honesty 🙂

  4. I agree with Ashley/Fandango on opinions. I will NOT give a hurtful response to someone I care about even if it means i have to lie a bit. I would NEVER tell someone their butt looked fat, but I might say that those pants are not cut in a flattering style. Blame the clothes! And of course if I’m not asked, there’s no reason to say a word if it’s negative. Long ago, a writing teacher told us that if we needed to give a negative critique of another student’s work, the rule was to say something positive FIRST. That has always stuck with me…

    As far as anonymity, I don’t care when someone uses one “pen” name, but if they’re gonna troll with a different one or become their own sock puppet, that is super uncool. In an ideal world, there would be no ID stealing and other hacker bullshit, so we all would feel okay using our real names. But that will never happen 🙁

    1. Very true Paula – l remember learning that credo years ago, sweet bitter sweet or candy bombshell candy – one of the golden rules of management – say something nice, then tell them something not so nice, then make their day again with positivity 🙂

      I always tell people who tell me off for beating around the bush trying to be nice – don’t ask me for absolute honesty then because l will give it truthfully.

    1. Indeedy, l agree with that. But do you also not find that with your Asperger’s [even mild as you say it is] that you have an inbuilt moral code metre? That it is very hard to lie?

  5. I know people who tell me they don’t lie, and yet they don’t divulge relevant information. In my book, that’s a lie by omission. Are they trying to be ‘nice’?
    We don’t have to be cruel to be honest. If someone asked me to tell them if the clothes didn’t look good, I’d give an honest opinion. It might not be a short yes or no response, because if they ask ‘does my bum look big in this?’ it’s a question of perspective. I may think it looks too big because the clothes are too tight — and so I’d say that, but if it’s because they’re wearing something completely inappropriate for their size, I’d suggest a different style or shape to lengthen the body or legs to cover it up. However, it would be an honest opinion.
    These days, though, I am guilty of lying by omission. I’ve annoyed a lot of people when I give an opinion because they were expecting something else, so now I rarely give an opinion. Because if I’m asked to give an opinion, it will be honest. I expect it, and I give it. And I try not to be cruel with it, but a lie to be ‘nice’ is twice as cruel when they find out how it really is, don’t you think?

    1. Hey Cage, yes l agree with you, why be nice just to make the real truth less painful to hear.

      I prefer people to either not ask me for an opinion or prepare for me to be truthful and sadly sometimes blunt.

  6. Most people are not ready to hear the complete truth. It maybe about personal stuff or life in general. They want sugar coated facts, watered down truth or half lies. But there are people who want it as it is, all laid out in black and white.
    As for being anonymous on line, it is not lying, just protecting oneself from possible harassment.

    1. Do you not think that the world we live in – fake news and false services and lip services means people are no longer able to understand what the real truth is?

      What would happen if you started to get harrassed on your blog even with anon? I ask because that’s what happened to Britchy she was harrassed online on the anon side and decided to stop blogging because of it.

      1. Not all people are like that. Just those who do not try to understand issues and most live a superficial life.
        As for anonymity, I don’t foresee that scenario but if I feel someone encroaching on me I can block them.

        1. That’s is very true – but can not the same be said if you were writing under your real name? We all have the ability to block and ignore.

          Late in 18 and early 19 l was receiving problematic emails via the blog – l answered what l could in email and then in the end simply blocked them here.

        2. I never got any emails regarding WP. Well my blog has already started under a pseudonym and I feel it’s going alright now. Maybe I will do a big reveal sometime in future and let everyone know my real name. Because it’s the only thing that I am not sharing right now.

        3. Maybe, but that is because Sadje wasn’t bad as a starting name for your profile – l think if you had start as JellyBean or something like that … and your name had been Sadje – well you can see what l am saying.

          I always use real names l prefer it that way, it’s one of the things l struggle with in WP strangely enough. But Sadje as a name is easy to accept as a name 🙂

  7. I think the statement that people “do not know how to handle the truth” is largely true. Often people react to the truth without digging deeper into the why’s. We are not a society of critical thinkers.
    I don’t mind anonymous bloggers especially if the blog is fiction writing or poetry but on some topics I think it is better to reveal yourself or at least your credentials so that you have credibility with the reader.

    1. Very valid points Ruth – l think like you when it comes to fiction/poetry that’s fine – but reality, topical l actually want to see real people.

      I do understand why people wish to go anon, but at times l struggle with it more so, because l like to address people by their real names.

  8. I grew up with a mother who strongly believes in white lies and thinks it’s always better a nice lie than an harsh truth…..I normally go fir the harsh truth,once is done and over you at least don’t have to remember the lie you said🤣but I feel like lots of people prefer a good lie🙄

    1. Hey Ortensia, l think you are right – l think people have become so brainwashed by fake news and that as much as they hate it, they prefer it at times to the starkest reality.

      I want the truth – otherwise if l think someone is not being honest with me l badger them like a wisened labrador with a bone, till l get it 🙂

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