Are You Likeable?

Are You Likeable?

“Share your weaknesses. Share your hard moments. Share your real side. It’ll either scare away every fake person in your life or it will inspire them to finally let go of that mirage called “perfection,” which will open the doors to the most important relationships you’ll ever be a part of.”

― Dan Pearce

You know a lot of people tell me “Rory, you are quirky, but l like you!” or “You are quite a likeable chap, did you know that?” the latter confuses me a little – did l know l was likeable? Well perhaps, maybe, l guess so, l wasn’t really counting if honest, l am what and who l am. I know l am quite an affable guy – l get along with most people.

I have been known to break awkward or tense situations open to calm people down, l am quite good at negotiations and not upsetting people – and yet having said that – some people look at me without knowing me and instantly dislike me – others dislike me because l am too honest and more still dislike me because they find me annoying.

You can’t please everyone all the time and really you shouldn’t bother to try to. But the simple fact is l accept that not everyone likes me and l can live with that because l don’t like everyone either! That’s human nature isn’t it – we can’t like everyone even if we want to!

Of the people l do like, l like them, they are likeable people – l can’t think of many people l don’t like – l can’t NOT think of people l don’t like, but l don’t tend to hang around people l don’t like and more importantly, l don’t socialise with people l don’t like – life’s too short to bugger about like that!

It is suggested ‘everyone wants to be liked!‘ I mean is that totally true? Does that not make you a people pleaser and no one wants to be one of those! Or do they? Is being a people pleaser bad, as in truly bad ? No one sets out to be deliberately conflictive [in the main, there are exceptions of course] but the majority of people – don’t want to be disliked or unliked or just not liked …

However the question for today is …

What qualities make a person likeable or what makes you like someone else?

43 thoughts on “Are You Likeable?

  1. I like you Rory 🙂 I tried for all my teenage years to be liked, to fit in, but it didn’t work. I’ve hit a point where I think ‘if people don’t like me, then so what?’ The only person I should please is myself. À good sense of humour determines whether a person is likeable for me, if someone is a boring old fart then they can sod off 😜

    1. An interesting comment Ashley – very interesting – the age old debate and perhaps another question for tomorrow.

      The first question l would counter with is why do you think that?

      I ask this quite honestly with no sarcasm or derrogativity because this is always a very often asked question ‘ Liked vs Respected, which is more important?’

      Years ago, l used to answer like you and then l learned that actually in order to be respected, it is sometimes easier to be liked first.

      Okay, but then – you can ask 100 people that question L vs R and you’ll always get a mixture back and that then deciphers into leadership skills.

      So, for instance Politicians – you don’t have to like them but does your vote warrant respecting them?

      Looking at brands in retail,sometimes you find you like a business first before you respect them.

      As l aged, l came to realise that if anything a person needs both – to be liked and respected, to have a kind of warmthability to them or warmthauthority and that in order to be respected say as a manager you had to be liked first.

      But that was back in the 80’s, come the 90’s things were marginally different.

      So, a thoroughly interesting answer Ashley – but why would you rather be respected over being liked?

      1. I don’t particularly like other people, and I’m okay with people not liking me. But interactions are more tolerable when there’s a basic level of respect.

  2. Likable, not to be confused with lickable, means a few things to me. Chill people with a sense of fun and good humor are likable. They may be creative and imaginative, smile a lot, and act flexible about plans. You want to be around them because life is more enjoyable with more laughter and less stress.

    These aren’t the same people necessarily who will become trusted friends though. A good friend has the time to listen, is empathetic, shares true info, is genuine and sincere, will remember important details about you, is loyal, and offers help when she can. This person may not always be funny or the life of the party. Likability and friendship are two different things. Being likable to many is great, but being a great friend to a few (or one) is rare.

    1. HA! You made me look – did l write Lickable?? Then l thought, oh no have l spelled likeable wrong? But no, of course the small deviations at times in Western language especially American and Australianisms versus British English 🙂

      Although, l really do like the thought of being lickable ha ha ha ha!!

      Like Ashley, Paula, you too have posed another question …. interesting and quite true – you can be liked but not a friend as there is a significant difference indeed 🙂

  3. I think there is no hard and fast rule for liking someone. If you click with the other person they’ll like you. But universally, a pleasant personality is more likable.

    1. Hey Lisa, it’s a strange world isn’t it? People want honesty … Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut only the honesty they want to hear not the truthful honesty 🙂

  4. I’m caught on the “people pleaser” part. It’s a term that has negative connotations. I enjoy making other people happy. Am I a people pleaser? Yes, but not in a fake, only so you’ll like me, way. I think that’s where the negative connotations come in.

    If a person is genuine, always their true self, and that true self is kind, generous with time or other non-material things, and respectful, they are likely to be well liked.

    I would rather be liked than hated, but the person that matters the most likes me… that would be me, and that’s all that matters

    I think respect gets confused with admiration. Basic human decency., that kind of respect is preferable to being liked. I would rather be liked than admired though. Admiration places me above, and I prefer to be on the same level. Even as a manager, I didn’t place myself above those I “managed”. My job was just different from their job.

    Fantastic questions. Lots to think about and discuss.

    1. Hey Grandma, l think you are right – with how some words are confused with others – there is a huge chasm of difference and distance with admiration and respect – l find it fascinating how many different answers have come back on this … including yours.

  5. I’ve reached the age where I don’t care whether or not people find me likable. Just leave me alone and let me do my thing. Do that and I’ll find you likable. Or not.

    1. Well okie dokie, l’ll go back and do my Blair Witch in the corner and not say another word 🙂

      I think you have an award winning slogan design Tee Shirt Mr Fandango …….. but curiously, how old are you?

      Were there dinosaurs still roaming in the backyards when you were growing up 🙂

  6. I must be unlikeable. Why? I don’t like being disturbed when I’m doing stuff, I tell people when they can contact me, and if they break the rule … well, they can bugger off.
    My foster kids called me Sarge, so that says something. My dogs respect me, my other half knows when to leave me alone (mostly), and kids tend to avoid me unless they want to ask for advice (says something, too).
    I’m not likable, and I don’t really care. Earn my respect through respecting my life choices and we’ll see where we go.
    Maybe these comments are some of the reasons I’m not likable — most people move away when I question their motives, attitudes, or criticisms. Although I mostly ‘listen in’ to conversations, I don’t stop myself when a person is being an ass, an arse, or an idiot. Or when what they’re doing/saying is likely to cause harm, especially to kids.
    Maybe my fosters should have called me a bulldog or a terrier …

      1. It depends on how respect is defined. To me, respect is giving a voice to all the participants, not denigrating others at any time (if you have a bone to pick, do it face to face), and understanding the world doesn’t run to the rules of one person. We give and take, and respect comes into it when we ask and can accept a ‘no’ because we understand that others have the same rights we do (that we is an I, too), we understand that there’s no obligation for any other person to consider the request as more than it is, a question with more than one answer.
        I hope that is an answer, but it’s a bit early for me, and no coffee yet. Must do that, and soon.

        1. Everything awarded Cage is an answer given – yours was an answer. I asked the question because l have a question lined up that arose from this question as respect was brought up, and l find it fascinating as a subject 🙂

        2. It is. My father thought he could get it by beating us, but he drove us away. I think you can only get it by giving it and being genuine in the giving.

        3. Well Cage, you know what my father was like – l loved him because he was my father, but never liked him and never respected him because of the very same reasons. It’ll be two years sinc e his death , next month 18th. I have not missed him. Occasionally, l have a twinge of regret but not my regrets, just his.

          I discovered things about my father whilst handling his administrations that made me realise l think how much he didn’t like his son.

        4. The lesson I learned from my father was to treat people as dangerous, and I was always wary, but I also learned to be protective to those smaller people who didn’t have any support (even in school).

  7. Love reading the comments. A lot of truth here. I think if you truly like someone you respect them. Of course I want both plus a humorous side too. I like, respect and think your funny Rory. I love your honesty too.

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