I am currently taking a bit of a break this week – l think in truth l have to, l have been running on full steam this year with all systems and engines go, go, go and more go and l need to slow down, take a break, a chill pill, hold my horses back and all the other terms you can think of referencing loosening up!
I have told myself l need to take this week or ten days or risk breaking down. Having had three or four physical breakdowns since the age of 25 l am able to recognise some of the signs especially when l start to slow down and in consideration to what lies ahead of me … the time and age has come to start listening to my own advice and slow down.
I have a feeling that this year is not yet done with me and will pull on many of my energy reserves that are currently depleted and l cannot allow that to happen.
It’s not a forever thing l tell myself – it’s a moment to catch your breath and reflect upon your current window. But l really started to see the signs and hear the warning bells around the end of June … l was literally running on the fumes of an empty tank!
I feel guilty at times when l do take a break, like l am betraying myself – letting myself down – being lazy – and then l have to combat my Asperger’s – you see the latter really doesn’t like slowing down – it fears me stopping – l fear me stopping – l fear me slowing down – so my take it easy slow down time is still busy but just not as busy.
Now, l struggle to relax as l have just said, and l struggle to slow down and AND l feel guilty if l do – so l must do things that keep my brain busy, my body active and allows me to fidget and to keep moving ……… it’s not often that l stop. I am a restless sleeper with the thrashing of legs and things.
Earlier today l went for my morning walk, l am cooking dinner for Suzanne who is coming over later on this afternoon and we shall go for an early evening walk together but it’s another walk for me. I did the housework and hoovered the house upstairs and downstairs mid morning and then from 10.30 to 4pm l have spent that time actively in the garden, not reading on the bench, but on my knees getting dirty behind the bushes ….. so to speak. Now l am creating this post and l have another post to work on for later on this evening.
There are not many things that relax me to a 100% success ratio without me fidgetting all the time! Plus – even when l am doing things l enjoy – l many a time don’t get any real enjoyment or satisfaction from it on account of feeling guilty about chilling out!
I can’t just switch off and relax, l have to be active.
So, the question today is about relaxation and you!
Do you find it easy or hard to switch off, let go and relax or do you feel guilty for doing so.
If you find relaxation easy – what do you do to relax or what relaxes you and why?
Let me know below – Thanks – Rory