Dear Blog – 18.55 – 06/08/20

Photo by Sophie Dale on

Keeping Track of New Journeys!

A Different Approach to the Calm before the Storm …

Item 1

This weekend, Suze will be [with my help] creating her first ever blog – it’s been on the books for a couple of years now – but she has always struggled with a genre – a topic of interest ….. until now ……

Item 2

2020 as a year has been , mm – how shall l put this? Well the truth l guess … a bitch! Perhaps more of a Bitch Slap and even more candid l would actually say a Murphy’s Bitch Slap! Every step of the way this year, Murphy has been present in not just my life, or Suze’s or Scrappy [RIP], but everyones – yours too.

Item 3

Life is about journeys, trekking, taking paths and walking down them, exploring new territory or territories. discovery – it’s a full on adventure – for the good, the bad, the ugly, the fugly, the not so pretty, the shitty, the gritty, the bitty – done properly and with some risk or risque attached you can lead quite the extraordinary life and lifestyle … you can if you want.

Item 4

Goalposts widen all the time .. now this is where this post and the itemisation starts to get tricky so l do hope you are keeping up with not just me, but are keeping up with me as a person and me as a blogger? It’s imperative that you know both of us to a certain degree ..

1] You should know l am an Aspe …

2] ……….. this means l have autism.

3] You should know that l like to live my life in black and white and l hate not just sudden changes but anything that dances in the grey and confuses logic? I am not unemotional nor overly emotional [unless it’s about animals or those close to me] .. I am not particularly social, l am not anti-social l am more of an asocial character or selectively social – l tolerate … I am not a full on introvert, nor am l a full on extrovert – l am however an ambivert – this means l can swing into either zone but personally prefer the middle.

4] I ‘normally’ don’t cope that well with widening goalposts or moving the goalposts if you prefer and YET this year all l have done and learned to roll with is widening goalposts as in starting with one goal or target and then that moves to a new location and so l have learned to move with it. It’s like Suze and l split in April …. BUT that wasn’t entirely true, it was and it wasn’t and you will have read before that l made reference to my life was becoming complicated …………… because of wideing goalposts!

One of the complications is that whilst l live again as a single bachelor – l am not an actual bachelor – l am actually still in a relationship with Suze – but after five years of living together – we just don’t live together anymore under the same roof – Suze wanted her own space but wanted to keep the relationship …….. that was a little complicating … so we are in a relationship and we are a couple but we are also FWB [friends with benefits] not to other people but just to ourselves. Of all the compliations this year that has been a tongue twister – but not life threatening, just confusing to an a black and white Aspie….

Item 5

Life is l think meant to be complicated , l don’t think life is meant to be simple nor easy, but challenging – if it is too simple or too easy – l think you are doing something wrong! So therefore with that piece of objective logic complication and complexity is the new black and white normal. If you accept that – then Murphy becomes almost myth like and unequivocally impotent!

My life is complicated but this Aspie is learning to cope with the new leanings and rollings of complexity……..

Item 6

I was with Suze today as moral support to her visit at the William Harvey hospital in Ashford, Kent to see a maxillofacial consultant – l wasn’t allowed to attend this appointment with her, but l will be with her at both the consultant’s request and Suze’s at her next appointment on the 17th August when we learn the results of today’s blood test and the final prognosis of her cancer.

Suze was diagnosed with Tongue cancer this morning and the blood tests were to determine if it is early stages or if it has spread to other parts of her body such as her neck, jawline, abdomen and or stomach. Hopefully that is not the case. Tongue cancer is very curable if caught early enough and Suze is above everything a fighter and l am above everything else a motivator – a clinical kicker of arses if l need to be. I have said to Suze we will beat this together and we will.

I am not going to pretend and say Suze isn’t upset or that l am not, because we both are … although truthfully Suze’s immediate reaction is a state of surrealism as in she feels more third party about it – it’s happening to someone else – not her. The calm before the storm l feel…

So l just wanted to say thank you to you all for your well wishes and concerns – currently Suze is as well as she can be considering, she is optimistic about her future and to quote someone – a dear friend of mine – we are not all ‘doom and gloom’ about it – so worry not – it is just another track to be walked, another journey to be trekked – a different approach is all that is required to get from A – B this time. But you’ll C we can do it.

I will keep you updated to Suze’s Journey and her new blog when that goes lives ..

 Thanks for reading folks – I’ll catch up with y’all again soon!

33 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 18.55 – 06/08/20

  1. I’m very excited that she’s going to FINALLY start her blog! Is she going with the Banshee idea still?

    You certainly ARE having your flexibility challenged this year! You’re doing a kind of “yoga” whether you want to or not😉😂 I think you’re doing an excellent job of staying flexible. It’s difficult enough without the Autism wiring. For an Aspe, it can be near impossible, but you’re doing it!✨

    We’re all having challenges and opportunities for growth. I absolutely agree that life is an adventure from first breath to last. 🎶💃🏼

    My thoughts will be with you and Suze as she slays the invader and recovers her health!💪 🌊🦄💫🧸💌

    1. Hey Grandma, l honestly don’t know what she is going to run with ideas wise .. but l do now think she is going to finally start, l too am excited for her – it’s a real positive step – the other one and that is one you and l have discussed before is that she is going to not be so hesitant to ask for help when she needs it. Big steps for Suze.

      I have felt seriously flexed this year, BUT l too am very pleased with how l have coped with it – l have astounded myself with my new found flexibility 🙂

      As long as we can, she can and she will and we will slay the intruders 🙂

  2. Murphy’s bitch slap is a new one! lol. I hope that Suze recovers well from any medical procedures she might have to undergo. Many congratulations on her the development of her new blog. May you flex well and continue to roll forward. 🙂

  3. Healthy wishes for her 🙏

    You can only take life as it comes at you, the best you can.

    I did not take my diagnosis very well, but I had watched my father before me. I was luckier than he was and caught mine very early – so there is always hope!! 🙏

    I’m glad you are there for her 💕 she will need your support. Stay strong 💪

    1. Hey Trisha, many thanks – l watched my father die with bowel cancer, he didn’t take his diagnosis very well and in many ways defied treatment – on the 17th we all sit down and discuss Suze’s treatment plan be this chemo or rad – unpleasant times ahead l feel, but l will support her as best as l am able and she allows. We have a good support team in place also, involving me, Suze’s friends and her family to travel with her to her treatment appointments so that none of us are battle fatigued by it and so that Suze is always surrounded my optimism, motivation and positivity 🙂

      1. That’s good, she will need the support ❤️

        The support I had was really good also, it held me up through some really tough moments. ❤️

        My dad had non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.

        Mine was Ductal Carcinoma (cancer of the milk ducts) no history of breast cancer ever in family – just me 🤨

        I don’t know if she is emotional – but it was definitely massive swings for me. (My poor surgeon lol) I’m a cryer – emotional and sensitive. That was hard and thinking back it makes me still feel those emotions. So just be aware.

        She’s gonna need you! I’m glad she has good strong support

        One piece of advice if she is open, if she is on Facebook – I was at the time … they have cancer groups and those people are a godsend!! They can tell her what to expect and what will happen, some with same situation and it does help. If she is open to that … some pretty amazing people waltzed into my life that way ❤️ I am forever grateful!!

        Take care 🙏 in my thoughts and prayers 😘✌️

        1. Hey Trisha, thank you l will pass on those suggestions – Suze can be quite a closed person, but l think she might like to at least be able to read people’s experiences.

          The lower tongue cancer has seemingly come from nowhere – yes l know we all have cancer cells in our bodies and something will activate them … but she wasn’t a smoker like me – l was a hard core smoker for 35 years and only gave up properly 2 years ago. She wasn’t a drinker – she wasn’t your stereotypical candidate and like you there is no history of this type in the family – it’s just seriously bad luck.

          Thanks 🙂

          1. I am very private myself. I was uncomfortable at first cause mine was the breasts… I was always really modest. Suddenly they sharing photos and things so at first I was overwhelmed by the diagnosis and then all these photos of other women’s breasts… but I can’t tell you how much that really helped me! Their stories and photos helped it not be AS terrifying – they gave me an idea of what I was about to walk through… you don’t think it would help – but it really does!! Tremendously – for me anyway

            Cancer cells lay dormant until turned on by something – can be hereditary or environmental… or even stress induced

            Stress can release hormones in the body that can turn on those cancer cells.

            They are always after me to not stress 🤨🙄 I know but ya know… life has stress

            Anyway,.. I wish her the best!! 🙏🙏🙏 hopefully caught early!!

            1. Hey Trisha, l just passed on your suggestion to Suze in ‘Facebook’ and she agrreed it was a fabulous idea and has said thank you x

              I would say ‘stress was Suze’s main trigger point’ she always takes the world onto her shoulders, but she has always had major history with problems of the throat and now for nearly a year a serious post nasal drop problem which arose from her being in hospital last year.

  4. Good I’m glad… they have groups that are centralized with what kind of cancer you have – so she can maybe find someone who is similar … people can be very helpful and when they know you about to walk through something like that, and they have or are currently going through it… they are more than willing to give heads up… I do that now for women myself. ❤️

    I also have the world on my shoulders alot- hence why I always get lectures at the drs lol … is just for right now. I’m almost through things. Nothing I can do about it

    Mine started with lumps in 2013… I didn’t understand how to check my breasts properly. I went to bed one night, and one exploded in the milk duct – I woke up in a pool of blood. Was scary

    They removed those and I was fine.

    In 2018 the lumps came back and more of them and with these the pathology came back bad.

    They rushed me into surgery right away. They don’t mess around with cancer / they gonna tell you bottom lines, you gonna make your decisions and then they gonna hit it. They are swift with cancer. The faster they go the better. But it’s overwhelming – you are trying to process while all that is happening – can be difficult. Is definitely a whirlwind. I did that with support – but they wouldn’t let me have my mom… so that was hard. I had to turn to others and felt alone.

    So I am very glad she has her family and you. ❤️✌️

    1. Well Suze was adopted, her adoptive mother died quite a few years ago, her bio mother is not yet aware of Suze’s condition and l am not sure how that will pan out.

      1. I only wanted my mom because my mom was who I would turn to, who I felt safe with and who I wanted.

        They wouldn’t let me have her because they said if she even knew I had breast cancer, it could have sent her into a loop of terror 😔

        I didn’t want that… but others literally jumped by my side. So I had really strong support – I just really wanted my mom through that. But ya know, can’t always have what you want

        That would be her decision on what she wants with that. Don’t add extra stress if is not necessary.

  5. Wishing Suze all the best. I’m sure she will kick this cancer out of her system. Take care. And if she has started her blog, do share her address. Take care.

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