How Often Are You On The Menu??

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How Often Are You On The Menu??

When was the last time you were either on your own menu or should you wish in so far as interpretation – you were on some one else’s menu?

Now what do l mean by this? Well a few weeks ago a dear friend of mine expressed her frustration at always being in demand for other’s own expectations of her time. Now whilst she didn’t go into further details per se … it did indeed make me wonder further.

People are so often so selfishly greedy of taking advantage of others in so many ways and thus doing increasing their demands and expectations of another’s time, good will, freedom and generosity and that by doing so they actually sap a person’s enthusiasm and spirits. The person who is being drained by others can stop to feel good about themselves and therefore they take themselves off the life menu.

If l was to use my current situation as an example – Suze wants her independence from our relationship she doesn’t wish to feel pulled on by another and wants more freedom – now at her own concession and admission – l have never pulled on Suze’s time or her goodwill and have always given – but her family and friends drain her out completely!

In truth however – my Suze is of the Carer Behavioural Type – many people are and if you want to see them – look out for the empaths – they are of the Carer Behavioural Type l talk of. Most empaths are usually also in this type of work … not all, but many. Sadly many empaths have their energies drained by those who unknowingly and unwittingly most times but not always enjoy nothing more than draining empaths.

An alternative term for empaths is highly sensitive people.

Ironically – in many ways it was Suze’s friends and family that finished us as a couple as well as Suze’s reluctance to say NO to people’s demands of her time and generous nature – ring any bells with anyone – maybe you? Maybe you give too much of yourself away to others??

But you don’t have to be an empath to look after yourself, to take control of your own wellbeing, mindfulness, health, mental health – it should be on everyone’s ‘crib sheet’ to look after themselves – and yet! Many people forget to do so ….

When was the last time you put yourself onto a menu of wellbeing or alternatively and open to very broad interpretation when was the last time that someone special in your life put you on their menu and wanted to take all of you and your mental and physical state into consideration [want to pamper you – however that needs be].

Let me know your answers below or create a postal response of your own, your choice.

13 thoughts on “How Often Are You On The Menu??

  1. When I was younger I would give myself away to anyone and everyone who needed something. Low self esteem made me think it was the only way to have value.

    I learned how to value myself and how to say NO! I still don’t do it often with my daughters but I do DO it if the request will really drain me.

    Ben… Ben regulates himself by me. I don’t know if the autism makes him sensitive or if he’s genetically sensitive, but he is calmer when he’s with me. Most of the time. Nothing is 100%.

    He doesn’t drain my energy in the Psychic Vampire sense, he just has a lot of care needs. It’s part of parenting. I may be the Gramma, but I’m his primary caregiver. I do this voluntarily.

    I haven’t pampered myself or had anyone offer me pampering in many years. Not anything major anyway. There have been little things that made me smile, or unexpected gifts that cheered me.

    I recharge by watching the sunset at night. Or sharing a laugh with friends. I haven’t gotten drained in a long time. I get physically tired, but that’s my life. Emotionally and mentally… still got my Zen🦄🌊

  2. Like Angie, I was the sort who would give too much of my time, energy and care to others when younger. But now I have learned to put limits on myself. For my family, specially my daughters I do give care and time but not at the expense of my own self. Love for children often pulls you out in all directions but one has to be fair to oneself too.

  3. 20 years ago I was in that boat as well. A good counselor and a special man in my life (who I eventually married) made me realize the importance of being able to say “NO”. It’s a small word that has a lot of power.

  4. “when was the last time that someone special in your life put you on their menu and wanted to take all of you and your mental and physical state into consideration [want to pamper you – however that needs be].” – And the answer to that would be never. I’ve never been anyone’s priority but then I never asked to be, well that’s not true, I have asked to be but it never happened. Matter of fact I asked my husband to do that, to be more thoughtful about HIS health to lessen the caretaker burden I am shouldering – not gonna happen. (This post pushed a lot of my buttons especially because of things that are going on in my household right now.)

    1. Hey Grace ,oh l am sorry l didn’t mean to cause you any angst Grace – l can read it’s a very moot point for you, but thank you for taking the time to answer honestly and candidly always appreciated 🙂

  5. I’m a very selective empath. I can sense the mood and needs of those I love when I’m with them, and I can sense tension around me as a survival skill from how I grew up. But in general I’m not an emotional martyr and I was criticized for that while dating after divorce. A lot of these guys expected me to have huge amounts of time for them and to cook for them and pamper them after I worked all day. Nope! I mean, I might start to do some of that in a loving caring reciprocal relationship, but I’m certainly not going to throw it all out there upfront in a desperate bid to please some man I just met! I guess I don’t understand dating and that’s fine. I get hugely resentful when I’m not appreciated and I will quickly walk away. Sadly, I have not been “on the menu” for anyone else to pamper except briefly for ulterior motives.

    1. Dating must be different to the dating l remember Paula – surely guys DON’T expect an entire relationship type of arrangement upfront from a night out or am not sure if the term is still valid … but does courting still exist??

      I think your view is pragmatic – relationships are supposed to be two way intersections – communications, sharing.

      Also l totally agree with your selective empath – l have empathy but l am not a muppet and if l think someone is trying to hoodwink me my Mr Cynical steps in and says … “Seriously!!?’ and then l walk away from the thing.

      Thank you for giving a great answer to the question 🙂

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