Dear Blog – 10.15 – 13/05/20

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Only One Crazy Lockdown At A Time Please!!

Yesterday has gone, tomorrow’s not here yet and Today is the first day of the rest of my life! I awoke with purpose this morning, l was awake long before my alarm times which has been happening for a few weeks now. But l was up and walking a long block walk and working on my knee repairs and walk speed time. Morning Musings Season 2 starts soon now that l have my walking head on again.

I haven’t woken up with whatever partial song playing on my radio clock at 06.59am since the end of April.  My clanger alarm clock, with enough oompf to wake the dead was reset to the new time of 6.35am at the start of May and l have been slowly trying to beat that timing. A couple of days l oversleep and wake up at around 7am, but in the main l am usually awake from around 6.15am. But l go to bed earlier these days also, last night l was in bed for 11.30pm!!??

This morning however l was awake at 5.55am. So today l have changed my clocks to reflect this new timing, these new days of my life. The new time for the clanger is 6am and the radio is 6.30am. By the end of this summer l want to have my radio alarm set for 5.30am and my clanger for the later time in case the radio doesn’t wake me on account of the blaring wake up being replaced with a slightly lower toned volume!

For the next 5 – 8 months or maybe before 2020 is even finished l aim to be living under a different time zone – still UK time, but different windows of time. This time next year l am hoping to be owning and living in a static caravan perhaps on the Isle of Wight. I lived there in 2015 with Suze for a year at the start of our living together and l enjoyed my time there and miss it.

With a caravan l don’t have to worry about brick and mortar buildings and l can still have a nicely sized space big enough for my office as well – l guess moving into the smaller office last year has served me well. But l might also be able to maintain a smaller garden/compost set up too which would be nice. But it also will alward me more flexibility.

It astonishes me to think how much has changed since  Dear Blog – 14.05 – 02/05/20  and these new changes are in some ways off the scales. It’s official my life has changed …. l, we as in Suze and l think for the best or for the better not sure on definitions yet, but one of them.

I don’t think any of us folks around the world will forget this lockdown and what it has meant to our life, our lives, our yesterdays and our tomorrows and of course our todays. It has changed us all whether ‘all’ of us are even aware of that yet. It has changed people directly and indirectly, it has brought people together as one and at the same time politically driven them apart.

Crazy times! Crazy lockdown!

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Suze and l are just to be friends, we are still sharing the same house till we don’t, then we will live apart, but the one thing that is more important is understanding what it is you actually want from yourselves for yourselves not just from others? What did we want and need as a couple? Well if we look at four distinct areas of two people you have relationship, partnership, companionship and friendship. Of those where are Suze and l now and where do we see ourselves in 12 months time? Currently we are companions sharing friendship. Where we will be in the future is probably business partners sharing friendship.

The lockdown served as the catalyst or trigger to all of this happening, it wasn’t JUST the lockdown – but the latter served well – if you look at it unemotionally and objectively – way better for this to happen now as a couple over it happening somewhere in the future and ending really badly. This way we will part as friends. New territory for us both … l have issues understanding friendship in real time and normally do not keep my exes as friends. For Suze it is the latter also as she doesn’t have problems with understanding real time friendship like me. But we have l think simply grown apart … it took me a while to see it, but once l threw the compost around a bit l was able to see and think more clearly.

So it’s been kind of awkward and unsettling and bewildering and confusing for us both over the last two weeks. Neither wanting to really upset the other unintentionally or intentionally. Long talks were the answer and agreements made and understood and accepted as the new norm.

We both need to secure an income  can’t just keep living off savings or inheritance forever. Although Suze works she is on secondment and the company she works for is being taken over in September by another company, so with her being 59 this year, these are frightening times. Will she be kept on or not? So working towards another main income is a no brainer.

I am turning 57 myself in a few days time and l need to also have an income of my own. So we are hyperfocusing our energies into really studying, training and acquiring learnings for this. I have my eyes and fingers on the pulses of a couple of projects – one l have briefly discussed here before and well as privately with friends which is eBook marketing and publishing and l will write about that soon enough in The Studio Workshop which is starting this year.

I know a lot of people are very interested in making money online, like many are interested in securing an income from their blogs, or from Shopify Stores, Redbubble or similar and even Amazon or affiliations or even coaching and so on.  There are huge incomes to be made digitally, but we are all overwhelmed with information and trying to FIND the right one for you personally, can take time. But l think l have found the niches l wish to work in now.

The garden l shall write about today is proving to be a nightmare and an obstacle at the same time not all the faults are of my making, or lockdown or relationship status – but environmentals are playing hard ball again. Admittedly with the current emotional situation, whilst l have been gardening and composting my motivations have been a little subdued of late!

This WILL be the last time l am here for a summer and this season will be the last one, the concept of 366 Days of Gardening sadly will not see completion … l am hoping my ability to relax in the green side returns, but l find that brown fingered gardening is more relaxing and l am producing some excellent compost!

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Anyway … a heads up for you all – thanks for reading! But from today it’s one step up a time!

Ps: Yesterday l had my hair cut by Suze – grade 2 – dang that’s short – haven’t had a cut like that since l was in my later twenties!!

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18 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 10.15 – 13/05/20

  1. You are perfectly right, this virus situation will or already had changed us…
    I’m sorry for the situation but as you said, is important to find out what everyone wants for themselves not for the others…
    Who knows what the future will bring us…
    Seems can be done a lot of money online…I need to find my way through it too….🤪 it is indeed difficult to understand and find what is working…🤪
    In the meantime, I wish you a wonderful day!

    1. Hey Ribana,

      Sadly there are many victims to this event in our lives, Suze and l still have our lives though and a happiness ahead 🙂

      Have a lovely Wednesday afternoon and evening Ribana 🙂

  2. Things are always changing. And Murphy, that pal of yours and mine, makes sure it’s at very inconvenient times.
    Hoping for as few bumps as possible in your road into your future!
    💌💌

  3. It is good to see that you both have accepted the new situation pragmatically. I wish you both all the best. Take care.

  4. Wow, so many changes! You did say at the beginning of the year that this year would bring many and big changes…did you already have this in mind? I’m sad and happy for you at the same time. Doing what is best for all parties involved is not easy. Wishing all good things for you my friend.

    1. Hey KK – was this part of the changes? Well the lockdown bit … no, but the potential of Suze and l experiencing problems as a couple? Sadly yes, l saw that back in August.

      How are you doing?

      1. Doing okay. Seems like the number of cases is slowing down here a little bit. Wearing all kinds of extra protective gear has become the new norm. I go home with lines on my face every day that stay there for a few hours. I haven’t seen my husband since January but we FaceTime a couple times each day. We are used to long distance luckily but are very much looking forward to when we can be together again. I have been really struggling with what I want to write about. Have lacked inspiration. Other than that all is well.

        1. Well l am always glad to hear that you are safe and sound …. that you are protected although probably not from the stress. Hopefully soon you’ll be able to finally get to see the Hubster again 🙂

          As to writing, yes l should imagine that can be both difficult and awkward due to inspiration … but hey – that’s the way of life 🙂

  5. Change is never easy but you are strong and will get through this. I have great admiration for you and Suze in the way you are handling this. I think it takes a special kind of love to say “Even though I can’t be your happiness, I want you find it.” I wish all the best for you and Suze.

    1. Hey Ruth , thank you and that’s exactly it – there are many reasons for this to come around, but ultimately Suze is looking for something and l don’t have it. She changed after the menopause, after Scrappy’s death and during the lockdown. We still care about each other – but we have agreed that this is for the best 🙂

  6. I love change, wasn’t always this way, wish I had embraced it much earlier in my life, well before I had irrevocable commitments. Relationship changes are the most fraught ones, but you and Suze seem to have that under control, at least for now. I wish you both smooth sailing ahead.

  7. We are all changed but maybe we were changed before the virus hit, we just didn’t realise it. Maybe 366 gardening becomes the 366 micro gardening challenge. You have brilliantly shown it in a grand scale, now do it with the limited resources you will have available. My circumstances are different but things will change. The available world has shrunk, my job is unlikely to survive, my old career just wont fit with the needs of our son and I’m getting older. Can’t fight it, just got to work with it. Sending you a manly hug sir.

    1. Indeedy, this is the point exactly Gary – all lockdown did was trigger what was lying beneath … l said this to Suze – yes 366 will return just differently. I need to get through the next 12 months in one piece and like many others start again.

      Manly hugs back my friend 🙂

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