A Opinionated Truth Or Lie Is Better?

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Welcome to  Season 2

I remember many years ago and thinking – it must now be a good 15+ years ago – my then wife asked me for my honest opinion of a question she was about to ask me ….

“Please be honest with your answer Rory.” She said. “But does my bum look big in this skirt?”

Well l looked at her and tried to configure if this was a trick question – was she fishing for a compliment? Was she really after my honest opinion? Was she wanting me to lie or ‘honestly tell the truth?’ She was due to go to a friend’s birthday party and l knew she would want to look right.

15 years later l now know l answered the wrong way – l was asked for my opinion, l was asked to be honest and so l answered honestly .. “Yes, your bottom does look big in that skirt – my advice and this comes from working the women’s fashion industry for a good many years is to not wear white, but wear black. Trade it for your black skirt and your bottom will look more slender.”

You see that was my actual answer … l normally don’t give people the full answer to how l addressed the question l normally simply say ‘”I answered with a yes.”

However logical response or NOT my answer would never have been right or correct – my then wife didn’t go to the party and sobbed for almost two days. The man she trusted to tell her the truth did so, and she didn’t want to hear the truth – she actually wanted me to lie, but didn’t tell me to do so!  It mattered not what l did over those two days to try and console her, as far as she was concerned l was convinced she had a large bum.

So many people always say to others ‘Go on tell me the truth, it’s okay’ when the reality is we live in a society that NEVER wants to hear the truth no matter how much they say they do….

Society now prefers to only hear lip service, half truths or lies to make them feel better … and because they have become so used to hearing this from people, they have simply forgotten how to understand hearing the truth – the real truth when it is awarded to them.

These days whilst l am still very honest l have learned how to read the situation slightly better … If l am however asked a question directly – l will always answer truthfully even if it hurts, may cause upset or sadly worse and on the rare occasion the truth has been known to kick off controversy. Whilst l am very honest … l have learned to steer clear of being asked so called ‘You can answer me honestly’ questions.

So the questions today are …

Should we always tell the truth even if we know it could cause upset/hurt/controversy to the asker.

Is the actual truth better than an honest opinion we hold or vice versa?

Which do you prefer to receive  – the full truth no matter what or a lesser impactive version?

Let me know your views and comments below?

Thanks for reading – Rory

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29 thoughts on “A Opinionated Truth Or Lie Is Better?

  1. I think there are times when one has to be brutally honest, like telling people what is good for them and what isn’t.
    And the there are times when we have to be diplomatic. Answer in a way not to hurt the other person, even if it means fibbing a little.
    For myself, I expect honesty in most things from others. But I have stopped asking for validation from others. If I look good/ slimmer/ nice they will say so. No use asking them to lie!

  2. Honesty, in most things, is best. In all other cases, diplomacy – which is the hardest skill for any human to learn.
    I’d rather hear the truth than have people hedge, so I will be as honest as I can be without causing serious harm. Foster kids taught me that, and getting feedback on my writing.
    I still prefer outright honesty, even if my bum does look big.

  3. No matter how much it hurts, I always want the pure, unadulterated truth. I always speak the truth too, or I don’t say anything. When i don’t say anything, you know what I am thinking anyway. 🙂

  4. This is a touchy one for me… I don’t like sugar coating … I can’t trust someone like that, because I can’t believe their words to be true.

    I would rather know the truth… I respect that way more – I don’t have to guess or worry… and if I directly ask – yes I want the truth or I won’t ask.

    It’s ok if I am hurt by the truth – that I can get over… but to sugar coat a truth can lead to a lot more hurt.

    If I ever asked – do my scars look horrible? People can tell me an honest opinion… that doesn’t change that I have them, or how I feel about myself…

    If I was seeing someone and asked them that – their answer would have more weight because of who they are to me… I want to be beautiful to that person?

    Of course I don’t want to hear anyone say “ewww Oh my god! You have massive scars” lol … I would be a puddle on the floor

    But I already know I am uniquely beautiful regardless what anyone says… it may hurt for a minute, might make me cry but I still would appreciate the honesty. I’ll get over it

    I’d rather have a little uncomfortable hurt from the truth, than a sugar coated lie, while I’m thinking everything is fine when it’s not.

    That’s a hard one cause everyone is different.

  5. I guess I’d look at in terms of risks vs. benefits. Giving a negative opinion on something that’s inherently very subjective has a low chance of having a beneficial effect and a high chance of having a harmful effect.

  6. Q1 – Truth, truth, truth. If asked. You dont have to volunteer information.

    Q2 – All of our “truths” are going to be colored by our experiences…are they facts or opinions? Data can be manipulated for anything. Q2 is murky at best!

    Q3 – if I ask, I want brutal honesty. How can I trust what you say about anything unless you always tell the truth??

  7. Good question, Rory! I require very high standards of behavior from myself and yet I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or cause them embarrassment. So each such incident would have to be taken under advisement and carefully weighed before I could make a response – which is definitely an attribute of my natal moon in Libra! 😄

      1. No, Sun sign is Taurus, like yours. Moon is in Libra. As for the balance, it seems my life’s efforts have been directed toward harmony, like as a peacemaker. 😌

          1. Yes, it can be difficult, but time has shown me that a little oil can sometimes help to smooth out troubled waters. That may not be an appropriate word, in this case. For the “oil” I mean is consideration and compassion, both Libran traits and, come to think of it, Taurean as well, for both are ruled by Venus. Sorry, I do tend to go on, especially when it comes to Astrology. 😊

  8. Hi Rory, I am one who is honest. I expect honesty too. I really don’t ask things of others about myself and am old enough to take what they say if I have asked for honesty to take what they say in love and respect. I might feel hurt for a bit but will think about it assess what has been shared in honesty and I may agree or not. I may also realise the truth is real and I may need to examine some aspect. My feeling is if you dont want the truth dont ask me!

  9. This sparked a wonderful afternoon conversation for me. It actually brought to light a great many questions. My simple thought is honesty, please. I had two people in my young life who were brutally honest and while it presented a great many challenges at times I was always grateful to them. I knew exactly where I stood with them. Questions surfaced when it came more to the “asker”. Is it a real question? Is it an honest question? And on the receiving end, how does the “asker” listen? I think behind some questions there is an intuitive meaning that can be addressed or ignored. Does this dress make my bum look big? Big to whom? Is it the dress? Is it the bum? Or is it behind all of these, am I enough? In the eyes of you? In the eyes of the world? Obviously that’s a rather charged and layered question. But so many questions are. And to be honest 😊, I find that most of the time when someone asks a question, a layered one especially, they want very much to be heard, to be seen, more than being given an answer. Often times they already have the answer. They just need someone to listen to them so they can discover it for themselves. Thanks for the questions! 😊

    1. A detailed answer indeed Suzanne , many thanks for the thoughtful response and l am glad it provided and provoked an afternoon’s conversation 🙂

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