Season 1 – Spring – Series 1
“Indecisions Blinking, Precisions Thinking!”
Walk Time 50 Mins
I am penning this post much later than normal on account of indecisions, blinking, thinking and precisions and how they all tie up together. A fine example of this is – I never intentionally started Morning Musings to be a series – sometimes life changes like that doesn’t it? Life changes in the blink of an eye, life changes through precision and indecision. Initially this series was to be a sub chapter of another series of miscellaneous topics under the Feature of Saved for a Rainy Day. It still sits in that catagory but it is pretty far removed from the original concept of the feature itself.
It’s more topical and philosophical – it is a walking thinking series about what is going on around inside my head during these unusual times.
I mean honestly, who foresaw a lockdown? Who predicted a global pandemic? As time has moved on these last few weeks l do often go back to when Suze was dreadfully ill and in hospital last year with an unknown virus infection and cough – do you also remember – how the medical profession could not diagnose what it was? I have to concede to saying that thoughts l have been experiencing in recent times lean towards the so called C19 being around a little bit before it became a pandemic and a global concern.
Something a dear friend of mine wrote only last night to me in an email cemented this theory for me further …. her daughter may have had the virus before it was a ‘thing’ last year. My friend then asked the magical question of – had she too had it? We have these unknown viruses floating around all the time. Suze had travelled and she came back seriously ill, it was nicknamed ‘Ozzie Flu’. It does make you think though doesn’t it? About how life can just hang on a thread in the blink of an eye. Indecisions, blinking, Precision thinking … there is a bizarre correlation – a symbiosis – a synergy and an energy combined. It is enough to make you think, blink.
But Morning Musings has become a very different series for me … a true thinking adventure into my own deep philosophy. I mean l have found the time to walk in the mornings again … l used to of course with Scrappy and l have started again. There is always a reason that things begin l feel ………….. l have a feeling this series is going to become a regular for me this year – a diary of sorts – a journal. Sure, my blog is a journal, Dear Blog is a journal … but this series is different it is deeply personal.
This series will focus on me, my thoughts, my fears, my sadness and my aloneness – no, l am not lonely, but l am starting to feel very alone. Life changes in the blink of thinking thoughts and oh of course – the passing of time itself.
A slightly different approach to Bluebell Wood coming off the field.
I woke up this morning slightly later than normal 6.35am with 25% discomfort in my stomach, 25% arthritic discomfort in my right shoulder and a load of further discomfort in my mouth … oh no, an abscess! Just what you don’t need during lockdown. But in addition to that l felt dead to the world, l knew today was going to be a different day, l mean all days are different – but today had the potential of becoming a day l wouldn’t particularly like. As l sit typing now l know why. But at 6.45am l didn’t.
Lockdown is seriously hard for some which makes it hard for others….confusing too.
I had to deal with this problem in my mouth, a problem arising because having finally got the courage to go to a dentist to have long overdue work done, a bloody pandemic swept the world and locked everything down!
Story of my life l feel at times! I lanced the damn thing and swilled a strong mouthwash, l don’t have the time or an available dentist for a full blown infection, so a little bit of pain now will see me through to somewhere different in the future. Here l am at just after 11am, and the abscess has gone for the time being, so all good.
A small shortcut ….. a cherry tree shortcut. Brings you out into this field recently cut, you can see the Ripple windmill in the background.
First walker l have seen for the last few days for a ‘social distanced’ chat, she is walking into the wood.
Following the path brings the walker to this delightful hidden entrance.
I decided to take a slightly later walk this morning, until l knew where l was going to be pain wise .. the flare up is NOT as bad as it was yesterday – but still present. So l wanted a a longer walk but still a plateau walk with no hills. Suze was also starting late and l managed to show her a much longer and varied walk for her to take and once she was suited and booted she was out the door at around 7.30am.
By the time l showered and shaved and sorted my stuff out, l left the house around 7.55am but was back through the door at around 8.45am, so not a bad walk time – but l did slow stroll. In the end l opted for another Bluebell Wood walk. It was a beautiful morning to set off into. I opted for a different approach this time instead of the direct route and thankful in many ways that l did indeed choose the longer approach. In many respects it helped me declutter further … and it was as l was decluttering that l finally rested upon the thoughts of my walk around the beautiful wood itself.
Whilst walking and long before yet another discussion concerning life which would arrive later this morning … l was in the process of just clearing stuff out of my head and thinking on life as you do – reflections – thoughts – observations – wash, rinse and repeat ….
I could listen to the wildlife, l could hear a woodpecker hammering on a tree somewhere, saw woodmice playing in the shrubbery … l could just think about what l wanted from my life, what l wanted to do and how l wanted to live. I could take a chill pill and just zone out …..
… so what did l want? What do l want to do? What is my direction/ Where was l going to be at the end of the year, two year’s time, five? Was l going to be alone, in a couple, in love or out of love … a friend, a forgotten friend, a forgotten person … all this uncertainty – all these reflections … all this life and yet. What was next? What would be after leaving this walk this morning, what would be tomorrow, the next day, the weekend, next week, next month? Well l can’t answer any of those questions – irrelevant to whether you live a controlled life or not – life and the threads of change – not the winds of change, but the threads of change are in charge of your fate, your destiny and your karma.
Well l want as much happiness as l can get, l have lived a life with a lot of unhappiness, surely in my later years l don’t need more of that? I want some more adventure and l want some more challenge! OK, that’s the spirit so what are you going to do about it? What direction will get you there?
I mean life is made up of so many directions isn’t it?
You have to find your direction in life and then chase it down, seek it out … life is just way too fucking short to do nothing. To keep doing nothing… so what are you going to do about it? What are you thinking of?
So l began thinking about what l wanted to do …. l could control that … l wanted to throw myself back into a business, but l need to declutter my head, get my focus back and concentrate. I want to help people as much as l can, l want to motivate people again … but differently – how do l do that in 2020 and beyond … what approach do l take?
Well … first things first – get your concentration back into the game of life … way too many distractions.
Focus and think …
Indecisions blinking ….
Try to focus, try to find your concentration …
Precision thinking …. is needed.
I need to find my adventure and my challenge again … l want to write again properly – sure l want to start the poetry collection, it’s building in my head. But l want to publish some of my work, start to rebuild my confidence again. l want to plough into my new business, l want to market again, promote and prioritise what’s important to me. That’s what l am going to do … l am going to knuckle down and get this into action – this is something l can control even in the current climate – l can control this.
I want to promote other writers and encourage them to write books of their own … we each have a book waiting to be written inside us all – some have more than one too or is that more than one … two?
I have to focus on my needs, my desires and my direction … no more indecisions and blinking … now it is purely …
…. taking the path, the right path and making my direction count. Making a difference for me sure, but for others too. Now is the time for precision thinking.
It was a good walk this morning, a truly reflective walk … and l was glad for it … it cleared my head and walked off my aches. It prepared me for returning home.
Thanks for reading.
Catch you next week.