Morning Musings

Morning Musings

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Season 1 – Spring – Series 1

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Wednesday

“Is it Still Just You You’re Talking To Then Or??”

Walk Time 65 Mins

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Couldn’t resist capturing this image this morning – it was just stunning! The sun was just kissing through the branches and dappling the leaves.

This morning l woke up at 6.07am, that was the first time l saw, the last being 1.02am after lights out – so just a wee bit over 5 hours sleep, seems to be the new average now. I am surprised in truth l am remaining asleep for this long on account of my stimulated brain going into overdrive, but equally l am not as l am so very tired when l do hit the sack each night!

Upon waking l heard the familiar rustle of fabrics walking through the house. This told me that Suze was just getting ready to go out for her morning Nordic pole march and by 6.10am l heard the back door slide shut and she was off into the morning.

By 6.12am, still lying in bed l knew a few things ….1] It’s Wednesday morning, 2] I had eased up the blind and knew the morning to be a smashingly cracking bright and sunny blue day,  3] I remembered my name was Rory, 4] My brain was still crashing around and l was struggling with focus and 5] My stomach whilst better than yesterday still felt like a 15% problem!

6.15am, l swung my weary body out of bed walked into the bathroom and had a pee, came out, walked through to the back of the house and the conservatory and pulled on my walking trousers and socks, grabbed a sweatshirt and an overshirt and my walking shoes, swung by the office, picked up the camera and then walked to the back of the house again with my shoes on and slid open and pulled shut the same sliding door that Suze had left by ten minutes ago. The time was now 6.20am and l was ready for my own morning walk time! But where to go?

Kingsdown is as l have written before sits on the Kent coast, in the district of Dover. The village is split into two main parts – lower village and upper village – you’ll not read that anywhere, that is just something you become aware of when you live here. We sit in between Walmer and St Margaret’s and our nearest town is actually Deal 3 miles away, with the bigger town of Dover just under 7 miles away.

The village is sited on the White Cliffs of Dover on the northern side. Some of the upper village literally sits on the cliff edge but most of us are down in the rolling valleys which are still hilly anyway.

The village and immediate surrounding area l have recently discovered has 83 walks including 29 variations so in essence 54 unique walks on account of the fact that we lie on what is known as the Saxon Shore Way and the White Cliffs Country Trail.

The Saxon Shore Way is a long distance footpath that starts in Gravesend [Kent] and ends in Hastings [East Sussex] – this is a total of over 160 miles. We are a very popular spot for holiday makers, tourists, trekkers, hikers and bikers alike. We have a large scouting camp site here as well as what is known as Kingsdown Holiday Homes.

The beachline here is shingle and we are not that far from the famous Goodwin Sands which lie offshore and these are a stretch of sandbanks that run for 10 miles lengthwise and  six miles out from the beach. They start roughly just outside Ramsgate [Pegwell Bay area] and run down to just outside Dover, with the vast majority of the banks being off shore to Deal. They have their own history as you can imagine and hold the wrecks to hundreds of ships and the lost souls of thousands of people.

Occasionally in photographs l have taken when out walking of the seas,  the astute readers may have seen the shimmer of the sands because many a time they are visible and to the unknowing might appear as if we are circled by a lagoon reef.

So this morning, l decided to take a different trek, this time to go into the Golf Course territory and up on the cliff’s downslopes facing upper village. Yesterday l was on the otherside of the golf course with Suzanne for our evening walk – the shots are below …

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Top of Golfcourse overlooking the lower village on the shore and Deal Pier in the background. 6.12pm – slightly misty.

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Looking towards Dover as a ferry leaves port heading towards Calais. This particular walk would take you to the monument you sometimes see in some of my photos [The Pointy Obelisk] and into St Margaret’s itself.

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As l sat on that bench these two gulls occupied my lens space.

This morning’s walk ….

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I walked down my street to the bottom, took a right, took a left and walked alongside the stables and once at the end took another right and walked up the lane that runs alongside the golf course grounds. It’s all a combination of smalled wooded lanes here.

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Whilst walking to my chosen destination for today, l began to think about last night’s conversation with Suzanne … she says she is worried about my mental health, that l am like a ping pong ball and l myself compared my mental health to something like an 80’s platform game! My mind is thrashing and crashing around and l am in the middle of a full on data overwhelm … l am trying to train my brain to only create three posts a day and my brain is screaming out for me to create more to drain the brain – but it’s becoming a bit of an issue.

For the next week l am going to try and declutter my head and try to retain focus on a few topics rather than trying to manage too many. I cannot seemingly slow my mind down at present and it is always a little alarming when this happens. It’s not new as an experience.

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From the downslopes of the golf course, over looking the main bulk of Upper Village – l could just see my house.

The last one was in 2018, prior to that was 2012 and prior to that 2008 – these happen and l can recall all the moments it has happened since around the age of ten. They occur once every 4 – 5 years – so this particular time is a little earlier than normal. But l think personally that my stress levels are higher than normal for many reasons. I mean geeps it was only last week l was having to deal with Suze’s burnout – l have had a lot to deal with personally since July of last year and l have not had a break – so maybe it’s not surprising that my brain is starting to burn out a bit.

Suze said she was worried about me talking to myself and that it had become more frequent … l have noticed this myself but l am not unduly worried by it. Everyone talks to themselves, they hold conversations with themselves, they answer themselves … everyone does it! It doesn’t matter that l am on the spectrum with Asperger’s – you don’t need to be autistic to talk to yourself! People talk to themselves everyday [in their head], but sometimes that doesn’t cut it – you need to voice your feelings and thoughts and if that means out aloud then that is what is needed.

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From this vantage point you can see many of the walks l take daily. The image above shows the ploughed fields l cross to visit the various copses and retreats. You can see Bluebell Woods and many of the lower lanes. it’s a beautiful spot on a sunny day. Whilst the lower image displays the Badger’s Copse and other walks l am yet to take still.

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With the above image you can clearly see where l walked yesterday by the horses – directly in front of their fields is the lane l was walking on and the strange shack to the bottom left and heading up is the exact spot l was walking down alongside the outer fence. Shots like these give the walks perspective.

To the left of the strawed heap in the ploughed field is where l was walking last week.

In these  last three images there is something like 20 unique walks of which l have walked over the last few days only 5.

Writing as much as l do, l am always talking to myself – a lot of the times during the writing and creating and equally as much as when l am about to publish. I am quite unsure how one quantifies what is considered too much talking to oneself?

I am only worried about my mental health because l know l am heading to a mind awakening and a mind decluttering – an emptying of the brain is needed. But also l have a lot on my plate like many others around the world. I am worried about this global mess – not the contagion – but the state of people, the economy , the after effects of being isolated and technically loving it as l do and having to interact with people again, trying to configure a new business strategy for us as a couple, planning my 2020 garden season and as gratifying as that can be it can also be horribly stressful and unsatisfying, worried about my partner’s health, worried about my physical health – so it’s little fucking wonder at times that l am talking to myself more and more!

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With the image above – so panning further right from the upper village you can just see the green expanse of the scouting camp and marginally to the left of the radio towers is the Holiday Homes Village [for the wealthy] – the towers are on the cliffs edge that overlook Walmer.

Talking to yourself isn’t a sign of poor mental health but of good quality mental health – it allows you to sound off and listen to how some things sound – which is a great way of knowing if for instance something you are writing reads and sounds right. You can and l do self motivate by talking to myself, you give yourself a pat on the back and there are times when l need to have a clear idea of where l am going …. but equally it is done to remind myself l am not alone and or forget how to speak.

I lived by myself for years with only two non talking dogs and horses as my go to buddies, l lived in a marriage for fourteen years and for half of those years, l had a partner who hardly ever spoke to me  …. if not for talking to myself – l think l would have gone nuts long ago … l am more worried by those who DON’T do it!

As l was taking the downward slope photographs l had a squirrel [Squzzle] join me – here she/he is at about 60 feet away.

I think Suze is more concerned with my pinging backwards and forwards mentally at the speed of light … l am too in truth .. but l just need to declutter and clean up the inner vaults a bit – so no biggies, not really.

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A little bit closer to an image you see me take fairly frequently from the other side of the valley.

But back onto perspectives …. below is a shot taken from just below the image above overlooking upper village and the houses in which Suze and l live.

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When l am up here l always try and find the house l live in …

…. ours is right beside the house with the brown wood apex fascia in the middle of the shot – l can just see our hedge and our conservatory. [That’s on the right]

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The shot below is right behind where l was taking the village photographs and that house is where the really wealthy live right on the cliffs edge overlooking the seas and France.

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Whilst this shot is me inside my conservatory after returning from the walk this morning looking back over the hedge on that house in the distance or what is technically five minutes away.

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Anyway, there we go – another Morning walk … l have a busy day ahead of me and a busy week, l already a busy week, and now l have a busier week with trying to declutter the data overwhelm!

Right, l have some shredding and gardening to catch up with – thanks for reading and l’ll catch up with you on tomorrow’s Morning Musings – have a terrific day ahead folks!

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20 thoughts on “Morning Musings

  1. Couldn’t you create a “declutter” file and type it all out but not necessarily post what you’ve written? Would that help? I’m sure you’ve thought of this. Or voice record your thoughts on a mini recorder while you’re going about your day…walking, shredding, NOT during meals though😉

    I talk to myself out loud all the time! If that makes a person crazy, I’m crazy with you🤷🏼‍♀️💌

    1. It’s crazy times Grandma, l have given all sorts of thoughts a thinking but there are just too many, what needs to be done is a proper decluttering and filing at the same time 🙂

      Aye Crazy Rocks!

      1. I wouldn’t think so, not with the garden6in full swing. Your phone might have a voice recorder or there are apps.
        I don’t want you to wind up in a complete locked up, shut down with “TILT” flashing in your eyes.🤯

  2. Not only do I talk to myself outloud but I have entire conversations using different voices. I even argue with myself – I don’t think I’m crazy at all LOL Dang, but I so envy you your walks.

  3. 65 minutes was a great walk! You live in such a beautiful place! Perfection for me!
    Sometimes we need a break, so don’t worry Rory! Stay safe and try to relax a little bit! 😉

  4. Lovely walk, enjoyed it immensely! Thanks for sharing, Rory.
    I, too, have conversations with myself. 😊 It can be very creative, can it not? And sometimes most helpful, too.
    I really like the idea of answering yourself with a Scottish dialect. Yes, very creative, indeed! I couldn’t go that far, though. Just have no talent for accents. I’d have to imagine the response, I guess.

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