Morning Musings

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Morning Musings

Friday

“ …. which then got me to thinking too”

Walk Time 40 Mins

I wasn’t quite sure where l was going to walk this morning … l never realised before this week just how many different walks we have here, l was doing a bit of spot research last night and the brief response is 83 walks!?

Have you noticed how at times, how funny Life is?  Of course there are times and moments when there is nothing truly funny about life and other times when life is so good it’s funny how good it is.

Two days ago, l was in a good place and happy that l was going to start a new poetry collection, l was foolishly under the impression that my relationship was in a good place and that all ‘we’ were having to deal with in addition to the loss of our little girl was confinement and restrictions on freedom and yet a day later and my life took a different turn. Now that poetry collection whilst still there has taken a downward swing .. it is to be fueled by different emotions. Sadness and uncertainty. A classic example of to not count your chickens before they hatch.

Walking down into my village.

Talks today as in after this morning’s walk and now my life is in a place that l am unsure where and what my future will be and whether l will be a man alone after lockdown or with a woman l have loved since first meeting her in 2013 … life, it’s funny isn’t it?

Then l thought, well this is all about mindset and coping with thoughts and restrictions and it’s about thinking – it’s all about thinking … which then got me to thinking too!

Today l decided to walk through the village – you will have read that l am in the upper part to the village that overlooks the coastal roads, but there is a lower village that is on the sea level itself. I decided to walk down there and take in the church and then walk back along the sea shore and back up the hill to where l live.

I was in bed early last night, 12.25am, and l was asleep by 1am and up at 6.45am – if anything l am getting a good night’s sleep but sadly Suze is not. She is suffering with a lack of sleep and l am trying to help her, but with her now voicing all sorts of things, l don’t always know where to start, l listen and l advise and l listen to some more and tell her l am here for her.

Walking further down the hill towards the church and the sea.

But l am scared and worried. I have to be mindful to NOT let my motivation drop and allow a depression in … l kicked my demon’s asses 3 years ago, l am not letting them back in. I have to go into survival mode now and get through this in one piece and help where l can if allowed. Because, there are times when my presence alone is causing upset. So now l shut myself in my small office and get on with my life wondering HOW my life has got to be here?

Suze knows where l am if she needs a hug, a cuddle or a shoulder …. l am here but l also go into her space and see if she is alright, l have been a stepping stone and a rock for her throughout our relationship, and l will continue to be until l am no longer needed or wanted. This morning l read that our lockdown ‘might’ continue till June ………. oh shit, l do hope not! For both of our sakes.

But all this has truly done is just make me so very sad and miss Scrappy all the more, she was my best friend in the whole world, both of my girls were – l could talk to her about everything and now l don’t have her. When l lost her this year, l thought no problem – l still have my best friend Suze and now this … it’s making me very wretched. My biggest fear was to lose both girls because of losing one.

But l believe in us … and that’s a positive.

***

I set off on my walk at 8am and was back through the front door at 8.40am not a bad walk at all.

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You are never far from a Percy or a Squzzle here … this one awarded me with yet another Bushy Tailed Salute as he scuppered along the wall after jumping off from the top of the stone cross.

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I am not a religious man in the traditional sense of the word, l have my own belief system and live by that code, but that doesn’t mean that l cannot enjoy the ambience or the beauty that can be found in both church and grounds and our own church grounds here in Kingsdown is no exception – it is a truly beautiful building, architecturally speaking …. St John the Evangelist, built in 1848 by a local of the time landowner – William Curling.

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The blossoms in the church yard looked stunning.

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But the graveyard is very quiet and serene, a great final resting place overlooking the seas.

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After leaving the church l headed down towards the sea shore so that l could walk along Undercliff Road and back towards home.

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The sea was not as choppy and windblown as it was earlier this week, but calmer and more sedate and calming which was gratefully received by this photographer, thinker and philosopher.

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Sometimes words are unnecessary you know?

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You just allow the sea breezes to carry you off to distant places…

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… just letting yourself go free for a while…

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… and not thinking, overthinking, analysing or overanalysing..

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… just taking in the beauty of our life and environment .. and sometimes ..

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It just takes watching a bird in flight to calm you down a few layers.

After spending a few moments enjoying the sea, the noises and the environment, l turned and walked home and eventually got to another lane l love and l’ll leave you here with this lane too … it is an unnaned road, they called them unadopted in England.

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I will catch up with you all again next Monday and Morning Musings.

Thanks for reading.

Rory

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30 thoughts on “Morning Musings

  1. I suppose one must count one’s blessings where they find them, so they say, you have a most wonderful place to be confined to…but who knows, someone might think the same about where I am…Be welll.

  2. I’m sorry you are having a bit of heartache in these moments. I don’t know her or how she is generally so I can’t really tell you any truly wise advice.

    Ya know when 9/11 happened… many I knew were soul searching… there was an immediate rush of people joining the military or rushing to be closer to loved ones or just searching for what life means to them…

    In a way this feels somewhat similar – is an event that kinda rocks you to your soul? And obviously all this is unprecedented and most definitely on a larger harder hitting scale.

    I think many are re-examining their lives and looking for purpose or meaning? I think that’s human nature? All this completely threw everyone off.

    I guess I would say give her space like what you seem to do… if your presence causes stress… maybe she is feeling you aren’t quite understanding her?

    So if that’s the case, just make sure she knows you love her and cherish her… remember why you fell in love in the first place.

    Are there little things you can do ? Like maybe prepare a special meal? Or take over some chores she dislikes? Maybe leave love notes ? Maybe say what she means to you and why you love her so? Maybe make her a special mix tape?

    You know her best so use caution where you think. Just giving ideas or thoughts from the perspective of another woman – understand your worry or unease

    Wish you the best ✌️

    1. Excellent advice – l do know her very well, l would say and she would agree l know her more than she knows herself – l am very easy going partner .. Suze has never had to want for anything … the space Suze wants is not so much me … but she feels guilty , and it matters not that l tell her not to worry about such things – that is what l mean by upsetting her ‘space’ – so l tend to leave her be.

      We share housework, BUT when she is like this her OCD goes into full on mode and l am not to touch anything. We share the cooking anyway. As to the luvvie dovey stuff, we were like that just prior to the Menopause stepping on board and now well, that’s been cooled by the Big M.

      With me on the spectrum, there will be things l will miss, but equally l am pretty good with noticing more than most might – Suze needs space and she’ll have that … if we get through this challenge great and if we don’t then as sad as that is … then that is how karma would rue the day.

      1. You have a very healthy outlook. Life huh? Well you sound very level headed and mature… I wish you the best ✌️

        Ps I have not hit the M yet… but I’m excited not to deal with that “thing” every month! (I’m so over that lol) Otherwise I have no idea how that hits 😮✌️

  3. The ocean is the perfect place to center yourself. Just the sound of the waves, the scent of the air… it’s totally relaxing and energizing at the same time. The gulls calling you off to explore the horizon…

    They are serious about keeping people away from the beaches here. Police everywhere. I subscribe to a community newsletter for my favorite beach, so I get pictures at least.

    Things are changing, as you know… the weather goes from sunny to stormy and back to sunny. It’s best to ride it out, be prepared for ANY kind of weather and keep yourself safe.

    Your village is truly lovely!! The sea & the woods… gorgeous! And an old church too. Thanks for taking us along and sharing the beauty.
    💌

    1. Hey Grandma, well l think if where we lived was busier – l mean we are a tourist trap in the summer months – but with the 10 month a year Holiday village here, l think those who wanted to escape here for the summer holidays did so just prior to the lockdown. So whilst we are busy in holiday season, there is a goodly chance that this village will not see it nor the maddening crowds. We are a little bit off the normal route – so the police do not have to moderate our shores so much.

      Cities and city parks are seriously monitored and policed though.

  4. Is very good that you are positive Rory! We don’t know what tomorrow will bring us but as long as there’s respect, understanding of each other’s need and care, I believe there will always be a solution!
    I guess this period people have too much time to think and overthink and is not always positive…
    Take it day by day! Your village is wonderful! Is the perfect place that I dream to have my cottage by the sea someday!
    Stay strong Rory! 💪🏻😊

  5. This to shall pass as my mom and grandma use to always tell me. And one day will be looked back upon with a sorta sepia tinted reality. A time that exists that should not exist and eventually will fold back into whichever dimension it arrived from. My thoughts go out to you in this time Rory. It is difficult and I am not even in lock down considering I am essential service provider lol as a cashier/customer service. I go to work to home and back again. Today I have to go get gas so that is almost three weeks since I last entered the gas station next door. Who would have thunk this one? It has all the earmarks of The Stand by Stephen King and the Left Behind Series. Those two are the ones that are so close to what is going on here right now. But that is just my brain making those connections because well……I am imaginative and a writer. It just makes sense. Sorry I stole the comments and wrote you a letter. 🙂

    1. Hey Jay-lyn, write me a letter or leave me a comment – all works here – but you are right, l was thinking about The stand the other day spookily errie.

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