Morning Musings

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Morning Musings

Thursday

“Granddaddy what did you do during the …. ?”

Walk Time 30 Mins

Of course the difference here is l am not a Granddaddy, a great granddaddy or even a daddy, l am just a Rory and if you wanted to label me for ease you could call me Aspie Rory or Rory the Aspie.

I retired early last night as in l was in bed by midnight – l watched a Walking Dead episode until 12.30am then turned off and was asleep within 5 minutes. That was slightly longer than my normal alseep within 100 seconds on account of yesterday being a strange day – that only a few people know about, Suze and l being two and one other who upon reading this will know who that is. However today some of you are going to hear about my yesterday after the walk. How my day just got weird.

You know everything is about Time, absofuckinglutely everything we do is about Time. Everything ties up with Time, Time is involved in every second of our waking hours and every minute of our sleep Time! There is good Time, Bad Time, Losing Time, Time Lost, Lost Times, Forgotten Times and then there are things called Bad Timing!

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Yesterday l experienced some Bad Timing! Which brings me to my quote today from the 1997 film Titanic starring Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet not that they spoke those or is it ‘these’ words no, that was actually from Gloria Stuart, and even then it doesn’t matter!

Because the words l heard in my head during the Bad Timing incident was ‘Granddaddy what did you do during the great Lockdown of 20?’ My answer to the unknown asker was ‘”Well honey, l kept my shit together pretty well considering the strains, unlike some of the others…”

Hold that thought …

I woke initially at just before 5am for my usual pee, and groggily stumbled back to bed, where l eventually got up long before my alarms went off at their usual 6.59am. In fact when l was in the shower l heard them go off – the droning bell of the alarm clock and Pink combined together – she was singing ….

So l finished my shower and went through and turned off the cursed alarm clock which had been clanging its heart out for five minutes and sounded like a battered cat by the time l got to it an l did a naked dance in front of my window and the daylight to  …

… which was the next song up! We all naked dance when no one’s looking and l have danced naked in my life when people were looking, although those dances were called Frugs then, as in ‘dancing the frug’ – aka dancing horizontally with more than one! So l danced the naked frug alone seeing as Suze was out on her morning walk.

I got dressed, watered the seedlings outside, Suze got back, we shared hellos and a cuddle and then l whilst drinking my coffee put on my walking boots, grabbed my camera  and swung out the front door into the beautiful blue day at 7.55am!

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Down the road towards the sea was foggy l could hear the ferry’s fog horns.

It was foggy this morning, mind you according to Suze who yet again failed to sleep she was up and at ’em’ and out the door before sunrise?? I was thinking when she said it … is there any point to sleeping then?? But Suze saw the sunrise which crested the ocean according to her at just after 6am. She got back at 7.35am or something. Two hours walking … just crazy.

She asked me this morning did l know how many new blogs were being created during lockdown across the globe? I said l didn’t know, but in my best Trump impersonation l answered with “A Lot!”

Suze is now once more thinking of starting a blog, l have heard this countless times over the last two and half years since l started mine “Well if you need help just ask.” Was the easiest answer to award her.

“Well l just need something or somewhere to put all these crazy ideas of mine down what do you think?”

“If you need help with it, just let me know babes, l will see what l can do.” I answered with a smile.

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The field pathways showed a spooky misty covering all around me, made even more errie by the fog horns from the ferrys out at sea where l knew the fog would be much much thicker.

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As l neared the copse, l could see how foggy it was on the golf corse.

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I decided to have a smaller walk today and headed to the fields for a small copse l know at the bottom of the ploughed field – real quiet. The fields were foggy … the copse was not.

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The copse was clear of the mist, but a cursory look behind me showed that the fog was still on the higher ground.

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Once in the quiet of the copse, l could let out a sigh of relief – “Fuck me the last 24 hours have been a doozy!” l said to the trees – no one else would be here in this section on account of their fear of meeting someone else on the track – it’s very slim here. The copse runs adjacent to the field itself and is only really about fifty feet from left to right and runs for the length of three fields. It’s a nice quick walk for a slow quiet stroll. A Thinking Copse is what l call it. It holds a middle position on a small plateau between fields – the middle platform of the decline, it sits on its own knoll.

The fog or mist if you prefer wasn’t present here, although there were the odd one or two floating tendrils of something. I was by myself and could just take my time. So l did …. and took some photos whilst l dwelled on what l wanted to ponder on ..

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I decided to walk the path that was adjacent to my main field as opposed to walking back on the longer side.

Everyone is affected by this lockdown, whether they can see it or not or know it or not .. everyone is coping with things differently, some do it better than others, some are more visible with their coping methods and strategies and others are not … some people if indifferent to people become even more indifferent to people, some people if introverted become more so and introversion becomes even more deep rooted, some people become more bound by some of their traits. Others display characteristics that they normally wouldn’t display readily, some quiet people become noisier, some noisy people become quieter. Nosey people become shy, and shy people become nosey.

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For a small stretch of path it is very secluded…

Social ambiverts become introverts and extroverts go nuts, whilst some ambiverts display themselves to be crazy and cooped up extroverts!! Everyone deals with their own bat shit crazy in their own bat shit crazy way! Unproductive people become productive, productive people can become lazy. Stay at home people suddenly find they miss their freedom whilst others cope with being home more because it’s not a huge change from before the imposed lockdown.

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…. and currently not often walked meaning ….

I was, before lockdown a guy who by far and far spent most time living and working from home. I enjoyed going to Deal my closest town, once sometimes twice a week not for people contact, but people watching and browsing the shops if l had an appointment. But it didn’t worry me if l didn’t do it. A few times a month Suze and l enjoyed going to town to have a coffee – of course the latter is a no go at present.

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…in addition to it becoming more overgrown, no one can hear a tree fall …

But let’s look at some reality – l am not a recluse or a hermit but l have lived pretty damn close to that style of living and it doesn’t bother me. My actual interact with real people contact on a scale of 1 – 10 on a daily basis is [partner aside] probaby about a 2, on a weekly basis 1 – 10 about a 4 and on a monthly basis 1 – 10 about a 6. But if we then look at say Suze’s scores there is a huge difference and whilst Suze is not an extrovert in normal no lockdown mode’, l think she may well be when there is a lockdown.

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... but it’s all just so peaceful here.

Suze’s scores on a Daily , Weekly and Monthly actual interaction with real people contact would look like this on a 1 – 10 scale …. 7, 9 and 10. Therefore looking at mine again … of 2, 4 and 6 there is a huge difference of social contact there.

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In times like now, today – sometimes it’s the smallest things which are noticed more…

Suze is not just struggling with the lockdown which for the UK is now 24 days long, but really struggling with it. So in just over three weeks Suze is starting to unravel and lose the plot a bit .. In the meanwhile l am settling into it all very easily and my most concerned time was a few weeks back in the early days going in to the shopping mall for a curbside delivery – l was panicked. The reason being is that like Temple Grandin l too think in pictures … and l didn’t have any current archived images for what a modern day lockdown looks like.

But now that l have, and l am more calmer about it all … l am not bothered. But my social interaction wasn’t really healthy to begin with on account of my Asperger’s and social indifference to society and interaction with real people. So really, why should l be affected or effected any differently?

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“Granddaddy were you there the day the confusing nanny bombs dropped?”

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Mmmm ….

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“Well darling, we live in strange times …

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…. and it has become a strange , strange world …

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But yes, l was there when the strange and confusing nanny bombs dropped …

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When for a moment in time, life seemed to stop and go backwards ..

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… and l realised that l seriously had to hold my shit together and not lose it in whims of madness and be as strong as l could… considering we are in a lockdown.

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But yes, l was there the day that the confusion rained all over me like some kind of gone wrong golden shower!

The day that Suze suddenly declared she wasn’t sure if she wanted to live with me any more. That she loved me, and wanted to be with me, but maybe as a neighbour and that she needed time out. That it wasn’t me, but the lockdown made her think and look at herself and did l think she could be an international volunteer? That she wasn’t happy with her job, her life and that she needed to travel more and she needed to help more people! That she felt trapped and helpless and bored and she needed to see more people. That she wanted to work with me on a business, but she missed Scrappy and this was a tough obstacle and she loved me, but she thought that we would be better off living together as a couple under two different roofs.

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Yeah, l was there when those bombs dropped.

So, l strolled along today with my thoughts and my camera and eventually l reached the end of the path and started home again … to a new crazy day under lockdown. Goody, l wonder what today will yield?

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Thanks for reading.

Rory

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26 thoughts on “Morning Musings

  1. Nice of the universe to match your morning music to the feelings of the day…🙄

    I like your little copse, your Thinking Place…like Pooh’s Thotful Spot.
    Very nice that it was clear in the middle of the fog too…
    I think Gertie might need to spend some time with you, and you with her.
    💌💌

  2. I think a blog would be really good for her!!

    She can let everything out and stay anonymous if she wants – that’s what I do… I started mine before this – shortly after all my surgery stuff cause I needed to let stuff out …

    I didn’t research blogs – had no idea how worked… didn’t even want to read one because I didn’t want to be influenced on how I did mine.

    I don’t typically like to follow what everyone else does… I find more peace doing what I find makes me happy.

    I don’t have a theme to my blog really ?? And I do it for myself – It’s just me bumbling around lol 😄✌️

    I just find it helpful because sometimes writing out what you honestly think helps keep you straight… it helped me a lot right before this – and thank god I had it when all this happened!! I would have been really lost without this.

    It helps though – not just getting everything out which is a release … but then also the connections you make with others.

    And the lockdown is hard… people are reacting to it in many ways. And will probably do so until it’s over and even still when we return.

    Adjusting to change is difficult … and the older you are the more set in your ways you become… when that is severely changed – it knocks you off your feet.

    Think of a beetle… walking along normally he is fine… but you knock him on his back and he flails like crazy trying to flip back over.

    All I can say is … the blogging helped me release a lot of things after my surgeries … it helped me breathe … and through this… it helps me smile and relax. Takes my mind away

    Ya know when I went through all my cancer things – I was lucky enough to have someone in my life at that time who knew I was overwhelmed and struggling …

    He just would say “I’m picking you up” and then he would just take me places or show me things or help me forget the world for a minute – take my mind away.

    That’s how I deal… I know the shit is there. I don’t want to focus on it cause it makes me feel panic… I do not like that feeling – so I will try to avoid by focusing on “my best life” lol ✌️

    I find funny things or music or this… so I think a blog would be amazing for her!! I think she would love it…

    And the community is amazing too ✌️ not to mention – I can now read things all over the world!!! Which I love!!! New thoughts, new things, new recipes ❤️

    Tell her yes – do that! It helps

    1. Well thank you Omatra for your response 🙂

      Suze will never blog – she has been saying it now for two years – sadly if she really wanted to write she would. She is an intelligent woman and if she truly wanted to blog she would be able to set up her blog without any help … but a person can say ‘ l want to blog’, l want to blog, l want to blog as many times as they want … but until they start to blog, all they are doing is saying ‘l want to blog’ which is a way of simply saying ‘l don’t want to blog because l don’t really want to write, but l want to talk to someone’.

      Suze wants to see her family she wants to see her brother, her cousin, her son, her grandkids – she doesn’t want to write, she wants to socialise .. that’s the difference between a person wanting to write and a person wanting to speak and socialise.

      1. Lol yeah I get it.

        It took me awhile too though … because I just didn’t think I would fit into a blog world because I don’t like to have to follow some sort of structure already laid out.

        Just didn’t figure would be something I would love so much… I knew I needed a release somewhere though

        Even if she only does when she feels like it or just for the moment – might help to adjust with her feelings? The more honest she is, the more she will connect.

        And as far as actually socializing … I saw someone make a make shift body (like a scarecrow kinda) with pants a sweatshirt with a hoodie and place the iPhone in the hoodie part while they FaceTimed their loved ones 😄❤️ … so you had a body and their face – and you could socialize sorta lol … not exactly perfect but very creative and cute idea for the moment lol

        But I do get it. I do miss my people too… tremendously!! And I miss my kids at school – very much!!! If I focus on that, I am sad… but if I redirect that creatively it helps

        I can’t focus on what I can’t have – I do my best to stay connected and find whatever other ways I can still love life ✌️

        Wish you both my best

        1. Excellent ideas Omatra – sadly as is always the way there is a bit more to this … this might be post menopause, this might be lockdown limbo, it might be cabin fever and stir crazy … until Suze starts to talk it out and make sense of it herself first no one will know 🙂

    1. Oh l know that, l think it really is is cabin fever – but l also remember what she was like with the menopause – hard to say when Suze is like this – time will tell – it always does 🙂

          1. They are talking about opening up the businesses here. Let’s see how it goes.
            When I have someone in my family all worked up about something that is not in their control, I give them a lot of space. If and when they want to talk, I listen. But I am not a good listener. I always try to jump in with my perspective, my explanations and advice. The other person just wants to talk and vent it out. You would be a good listener when Suze needs it.

  3. Oh my…and what bombs… 💣
    I hope this mad situation will be over soon and people will go back to their “normal” routine!
    Nature I see is beautiful! Gorgeous clicks as Scrappy would say 🐶 🙂

    1. Hey Ribana, many thanks – yes l don’t think Scrappy would have been impressed with the bombs but would have photobombed the clickitty’s as normal 🙂

      As to normal routines returning, l have just learned UK may well be in lockdown till June … mm, this’ll be an interesting time l feel.

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