Morning Musings

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 Morning Musings

Monday

What a difference a day makes …

Walk Time 35 Mins

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This morning’s walk was slightly later as a set off due to yesterday’s exhaustion and feeling battered this morning as l heaved my legs over the side of the bed. After getting up and showering l didn’t get out the door till 7.47am. I found my note from Suze saying she was already out and had left the house at around 7.00ish, so not long before l awoke probably. My alarm wakes me up at 6.59am every day, so she must have more or less just got out as l was getting up.

There was no bright sun this morning … the weather forecast said there would be an enormous drop in temperature from the weekend and they weren’t wrong … in comparison it was like a winter’s day when l stepped out into Monday morning! I hadn’t gone forty feet down the road before l found a Percy eyeballing me … l could see it on his face “So where ya goin’ then, can l come?”

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There is always a Percy somewhere!

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“You are more than welcome to join me matey should you so wish, l thought l might walk down to the sea?”
“Well if that’s where ya goin’ l think l’ll stay put Mister, it’s a bit blowy today!” He answered me with and with that started to stare straight ahead again.

He wasn’t wrong, it was blowy, and colder and way more windier and l initally thought that perhaps it might rain considering the grey in the clouds above.

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Suze coming up the road, the golf course in the background.

By the time l had walked past Percy, a red dot down the road told me Suze was on her way back from her own walk, a shorter one than yesterday l thought, but she saw me and waved and stopped, and l walked down to her, and as l did l saw the most beautiful trio of blossom trees and had to photograph them. In the wind it looked like it was snowing in different coloured petals – sadly this image hasn’t caught that – but the blossoms are lovely all the same. You can just see a fourth at the very bottom of the road.

IMG_4696 (2)Trio of Blossoms blowing in the winds.

Suze asked if she could join me for my brief sea walk and l said yes of course darling … knowing that my quiet time, my morning musings for the day had changed. I didn’t know when l left the house what l would be thinking of, but l had initially thought they would have been lonesome thoughts, but l’ll not say no to my partner.

It’s three weeks lockdown today and of the many things which have happened in these 21 days – Suze and l have talked … we are always talking, but we have really talked and about a lot of things. Although it has been a real leaning on the events of 2017, the dreaded ‘post-menopause’ year and all the ramifications that caused us as a couple. That was the year we split up. We had started being a couple in 2013, Suze was in menopause at that time but by 2015 she was starting post-menopause and she was starting to change.

Not all of it was a pleasant experience, l am planning a series in this year concerning being a man experiencing menopause because of those days with Suze. By August 2017, things were so bad we split up and it was a very painful and awkwardly upsetting time for me, Suze and for both of us – but we stayed together because l didn’t think it was fair on Scrappy, who although my dog had grown so very attached to Suzanne and that it would have been cruel to take the two away from each other.

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What a difference a day makes in so far as weather changes…

So Scrappy became a glue for us, and slowly we started to heal again – principally the more Suzanne started to accept the post side to her change. By March 2019, we were a couple again, but it had been a very hard and emotionally trying period of time. It’s our first year again this year as a couple in a 7 years relationship. We will be 7 years this June, or is that right l ask myself occasionally on account of we weren’t an actual couple for 20 months?  Well we were and we weren’t … we were friends – not friends with benefits – we were friends without benefits but we shared my dog, who became our furry child. Scrappy had always been my furry child – all my dogs had been my children over the years.

I have had 12 dogs and 9 cats in my life since l was 31, so 26 years with furry companions. This last period of time from January this year has been the first time, l have never had any companionship since 1994. I had a cat growing up, Jasmine  next to my teddy bears she was my best friend, but when l left home  l had to leave her with my mother in 84. Jasmine died in 1993 at the age of 20.

Blimey, since hitting 50 l have noticed the years mean more to me and that l seem to be ageing quicker. I am 57 this year, next month – it seems like only yesterday l was 50?!

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I can’t help but think of Neil Diamond’s song Be whenever l see a seagull lazily breezing the airs above the seas!

I remember the day as a family we had collected Jasmine from her breeders in Australia, l had just turned ten, she was my birthday present … my parents had just bought me a breathing friend.

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Once a Nordic walker, always a pole walker!

The sea shores were really blustery, very cold and l was reminded that l wasn’t really dressed for the occasion and l decided to cut short my fuller walk along the coastline and up through the village to going up the seaside stairs and cutting back behind the houses and back home.

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It just looked too cold for a tee shirt and a light sweatshirt walk …

Of course, talking as we were about the lockdown and how we were talking more about us as a couple and how far we have come, the obstacles we have tackled, the challenges overcome ……. you still think. If you are like me, you are always thinking on your thinking on your thinking, and l was thinking more than just the normal thought’s and thinkings. It’s unavoidable … the very nature of our conversation on what was a pretty sore period for both of us, was and is still a point of concern … but as they say, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

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2020 was always going to be an interesting year from my perspective on account of losing Scrappy so early and wondering how we would be without her acting as our ‘couple glue’. But of course here we all are in April and what a year it has already been!

Thank goodness for trees … they are great for philosophy and thoughts.

Suze wants so much from her life now that she has emerged from her post-menopause cocoon and evolved into a very different person to the woman she was when l met her for the first time in 2013. I am super pleased that she has changed, but she has changed enormously and you can’t help but wonder at certain things … both said and unsaid in discussions.

Suze is unsure of her direction, her pathway and what the lockdown has done is made her stop and think and reflect … l think most people should take this time and do that for whatever reason .. many will not, many will not even see the lockdown for the blessing it is and treat it only as a hindrance, an inconvenience to the speed of their lives. It has made me think too and l never stop thinking.

It was a good walk and Suze and l chatted and talked and enjoyed ourselves – we talked of time and the consequences of time and how people look at themselves during moments of reflection like these … or rather – they should. I do, l look at everything all the time – because everything is about time, and time can change everything – l mean one only has to look at the difference a day makes, right?

Thanks for reading.

Rory

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15 thoughts on “Morning Musings

  1. So many things said and unsaid…

    I was just commenting to someone the other day about the slippery nature of time, about all the ways we think about time…My time, Your time, Our time, Make time, Find time, Waste time, On time, In time, Out of time…

    The sun had risen, but it’s hiding behind the clouds. The Weather Guessers think it might be sunny and 75 tomorrow or Wednesday 🤷🏼‍♀️ Maybe you’ll get our rain.

    Trees are wonderful! In so many ways. Shel Silverstein captured it perfectly in The Giving Tree.

    Be well… Be!

  2. I look forward to your walks…To be able to walk down to the sea – ah, how I envy you. To be able to walk more than a few blocks – ah, how I envy you. As for Jonathan Livingston Seagull – my guilty pleasure – the book is considered sappy by some but oh so dear to me as is the film and the sound track – Thanks for a great morning!

    1. Hey Grace, absolute pleasure – l am glad you are enjoying the strolls.

      On the book side, l read Richard Bach’s book when l was 14 in School as part of one of our English literature exercises. I loved the book for the book itself, and whilst l understood the moral of the story – that aside, it was if anything a thoroughly excellent book for self help and understanding and like you, l too loved it 🙂

      It was so much better a read than Kes or Lord of the Flies which had been previous reviews.

  3. Another beautiful walk! And in good company 💕
    The place is so beautiful! Even with a dark and cold day, everything looks beautiful!
    Your alarm wakes you up at at 6.59am, but why at 6.59am and not 7:00am? 🤪

    1. Well you are very kind and thank you … but it’s surreal in today’s world Lisa – as l am sure you know what l mean … you can look at the world and it seems normal and yet…

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