My thanks to the following Prompters …
Shaken, Stirred and Fevery Too!
Don’t talk of peeves to me,
I am most horribly aggrieved already!
Assure you l do, it’s no funny caper,
Running out of dunny paper!
I’ve been a bit rough around the edges of late,
My tummy’s telling me it’s something l ate,
But l am not sure if that is true…
… sitting here contemplating the do do!
That aside, l am twelve feet from my TP store,
… meaning l have to somehow get through the bathroom door!
Which normally wouldn’t be a problem..
… but my butts not feeling so awesome!
In truth, this is quite the pickle..
… can l get up, wobble over and all without a trickle..
Escaping from the you know where,
The dark hole above my knees, aye! Up there!
Perhaps the answer is to simply let it dry,
… that would work, l can at least try!
I mean being here for a while ‘s not all that bad,
Am pretty well covered, at least l have my trusty iPad!
I can listen to music – let’s see what have we got?
Aye, great, Rocket Man … ah wait a minute l forgot ..
… about some of the **lyrics of the song ..
Mm, perhaps not this one … don’t want to be here too long!
Maybe l can use my own lyrics,
Stimulating atmospherics …
I am a rocket man all of my own,
Sitting here on the throne
My bum’s hanging around in space
Whilst it dries in the airspace,
Rocketman oooh yeah that’s me
Talking to myself all crazily!
Mind you, l can sit here and contemplate current affairs and life,
Think about the situation we’re all in and the world’s strife!
Enough by itself to make you feel quite poorly, down and ill,
Never mind sitting here, alone in isolation and trying to chill …
… whilst your arse is slowly finishing up and drying off
And you’re desperately trying not to cough!
Oh l know, l am being touched by 19, shaken and stirred!
Had it all week, the shivery fevers and aches and my eyes blurred!
But what can you do?
You must make the best of a bad situation work for you!
The virus is nothing if l am being honest,
… don’t misunderstand me, l feel quite demolished!
By its presence here this week in my home,
… Yet it’s not the 19 that’s the worst but being alone!
I mean l started talking to the kitchen the other day!
The fridge, toaster, the sink and even the soak away!
Talking to myself is something l can live with,
But my appliances answered and started taking the piss!
Good grief l never knew the oven was called Mike!
… or that he had heated desires of his own like?
The trash bin is a Pete who likes to lark about!
Joking with the rubbish before it is thrown out!
Michelle the pop up toaster,
Was a bit of a boaster!
She enjoys the occasional bout of pranking!
Some tickling and if l wanted to indulge, some dough spanking!?
The cupboards have a background in silent space,
Eerie nothingness overlooking the canned goods in case …
… something goes amiss in the evening?
The drawers complained about dust and requested cleaning!
Some might like a talking kitchen of their own..
… perhaps after all this, l can invent the talking home?
But it’s been so hard this week you know and now this?
… awkwardly difficult and then to get the C19 Virus!
Seriously l mean how has this happened?
I haven’t seen anyone real or even imagined!
Sure l talk to my kitchen and the loungeroom too,
… the bedroom, hallways and of course to the loo!
… but the only other person l have seen is you …
Or do l mean me too?
Good grief perhaps l have actually infected myself?
By myself with myself is that a thing we can do with our own health?
Can we give ourselves the flu by not seeing anyone else too?
That’s it – l ‘ve cracked the mystery question, it’s a break through?
Sitting here on the toilet, waiting for my own bum to dry,
… l have somehow magically managed to come by,
The answer to the pandemic that is sweeping through the planet!
Awesome! Of course l’ll give some credit to the watery closet!
It’s only fair after all, you know – we have spent time together,
… these last few days, getting to know each other,
I know l have given you all some shit,
…. to deal with and flush away as you see fit,
But that’s what friends do, they share ideas and observations,
With you it’s been my contemplations and morning ablutions!
But together we have finally cracked the mystery,
…. Behind the, erm, the ahh … the witchery!
Right, l feel better now … my bottom is drier,
… a little crusty perhaps – but the future is brighter!
I’ll get some new toilet paper now and fill up the roll,
So no more awkwardness later with an uncleaned hole!
But l am glad we had this conversation,
It’s really made my day, and l thank you for your patience,
We have a lot to look forwards to l believe..
…. The new talking home for starters will be well received!
© Rory Matier 2020
**And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
‘Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone