Simply asking you all …. but?

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Welcome to  Season 2

Simply asking you all …. but?

How are you doing?

Strange question perhaps considering, but you know in essence – it isn’t – not really? The very pace of things physically, emotionally, personally and digitally means that sometimes – it is the simplest of questions that become ignored and unasked.

In Dear Blog – 14.15 – 19/03/20 l highlighted a small case of the madness that is circulating around us all … where upon one of our neighbours – otherwise a friend of some four years – had nearly jeopardized our friendship over of all things – a tree trim. I knew that an apology was needed from the neighbour to Suze – but how was that going to be acquired and not create a feudal conflict between neighbours?

Now from my point of view l had to approach this very differently, and only a few will perhaps understand this …. but being on the spectrum and aged in my middle fifties, therefore an adult – l still have two sides to me – l have the logical unemotional side and l also have the emotional side to me or the empathy side.

Many think that those of us on the spectrum have no feelings for people and we do … but at times our feelings completely overwhelm us and we have to react or switch them off or we will just mentally collapse or burnout!

Sometimes our feelings are not present because our logic is ruling us only. It can be a very difficult relationship to live with. We have to try and balance and we of all people are NOT great at being in another person’s shoes – so it really is very hard to be two people as one person!

Those on the spectrum will understand what l write and those who love and care for those on the spectrum and therefore are very close to our thinking understand and appreciate this … but it can be very hard for them as well.

Why?

Because they are not US and we are not THEM!

So last night, l was trying to figure out a way that was more suitable for Suze who as an empath doesn’t want conflict but was upset and l didn’t want Suze apologising to our neighbours first as that wasn’t right – but empathy ambassadors always try and do things the polite and diplomatic way sadly! If left to me, l would have destroyed the friendship on the principal – BUT – these are very different cirumstances – there is a lot of fear abound due to a lack of quality information and so l had to try and think of all possible outcomes from all possible pathways from many different shoes! Why so complicated?

Because that is autism, that is Asperger’s — that is the way we think.

In the end l created this message’ ….

Dear X,

Here are my contact details as promised on Monday. At this current time of uncertainty as neighbours and friends we need to stick together and help where we can.

Suze

Suze emailed our neighbour this morning, the moment she got up and not long back we received this …

Hi Suzanne

Thank you for this, for the offer and generally caring about us. We really appreciate it.

X and X rang yesterday afternoon as well. We are fortunate that our ‘new’ neighbours are so good.

I’m sorry about the tree the other day. In mitigation from a personal point of view I was concentrating on trying to see how much I am able to do in the garden but when I saw you as I came out of the shed I remembered our telephone conversation. Over the years, three out of our five boundary neighbours have made their thoughts very plain on what they would like done to the tree, hence our enquiries to KDC and a solicitor, leaving aside the cost to us of some of the more drastic preferences of other people.

We appreciate the amount of shade it is casting for you and would like to suggest that, keeping the overall balance and shape of the mature hornbeam in the forefront of any action, that  two, possibly three lower branches could be removed to help the situation. We removed the ‘matching’ branches on this side when they were smaller. I hope this would help you and that this is not going to be an issue between us.

We hope that the excellent relationship that has built up between us can continue and offer you our best wishes.

Must go, I have managed to bring my hair appt forward to this morning and decided it is a necessary action as I will get very irritable if it continues to fall over my glasses!!!

Will be in touch

X

So, there we go an appology that is acceptable and a solution for the tree.

But as l was thinking about all of this yesterday and reading the comments to the post from; Sadje, Gary, Angie, Melanie , Paula and Suzanne.

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It made me think of the content for this question … today l will be approaching another neighbour and awarding her our contact details and helping hand should she need it during the next 12 weeks as this will be a very trying time.  We have to NOT just think of ourselves, but others because at times it will not be the rest of the world that helps you out, but your community.

Here in WP we too have our own communities there are many of them, we look out for each other where and when we can. I see a lot of concerns and worries amongst my readership and my friends alike and so l ask today’s question …

How are you all doing?

For me … I have found this week particularly hard because of my Asperger’s … and that is because l am two people, Mr Logical and Mr Emotional and sometimes those two don’t walk in harmony with each other or even the same age groups and that is where major conflict can begin!

Logically – l understand everything going on around me as the adult l am, but also logically l am finding the whole process fascinating and intriguing as a younger me. Logically, everything is way easier and not complicated as long as emotion doesn’t cause too many conflicts ……………

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Emotionally, l am struggling as an adult because l am concerned for Suze’s health because last year she was dreadfully ill with an unknown virus which created sepsis in her body and eliminated her immune system … what some people might not know is that sepsis will jump on board the pneumonia level of Covid-19 and makes any kind of healing … virtually impossible! With this kind of information, obviously l am concerned for her health and mine and yours too.

Emotionally as an adult l also have struggled this week because l worry about everyone and l want everyone to be safe … but l can’t just single think of this pandemic mess, l overthink it all – l can’t take one day at a time when l am forward thinking all the what ifs of the world – l should imagine some of you will understand this very well indeed as a problem. 

Emotionally as a younger me, l am just becoming overwhelmed by all of the emotion and want to switch over to logic which can make me seem especially a-social and uncommunicative and rude to people – once logics start to cut in – l start seeing the problem as an equation to be fixed in the shortest possible route and that doesn’t involve emotion – and then we are all back to internal conflicts and potential blow outs – which is why l have been in the garden a lot this week – not as a run away as l read somewhere – but as a way of trying to control my brain to calmer levels.

I cannot deal with watching the news daily, l mean we have to to keep abreast but the impact of this news upon us all is emotionally draining and that in itself is damning!

I can deal with the isolation, l can deal with the shut off from society – hell in truth l enjoy that – l can deal with talking to less people as l do have the online social and for me personally online sociality is much easier and in truth l don’t talk to that many people anyway.

So how am l doing?

Well l am a little peeved at the way the British government has handled and reacted to this situation. I am very annoyed at the complacency levels of our governments – not just with this mess but for the last decade as well – we have caused this ourselves with our greed and selfishness with our ‘oh it’ll not be too bad’, with the underfundings of importance like in the UK, the underfunding of the NHS, the military, the police force, the services, the infrastructure – the lack of properly understanding and accepting what we have done to our climate, the environment and the shape of our world.

Another virus strikes us down … we have had warning shots across the bow for years – no one in power obviously took those seriously enough l guess? But this virus is history making, breaking and changing.

I am astonished how miraculously billions of pounds are brought out of somewhere to cope with this mess, and yet it was never there for other issues equally as important? Globally, we have always thought, assumed it would never happen to us and maybe those monies would never be needed?

And yet …. well here we all are … This is a massive impact catastrophe on the world and it isn’t ‘just changing us’ – it is our change! This will become the new future of sociality – social online media will now be the future – sure it’s here – already – but after this pandemic starts to calm and the storms quieten down .. the new future will be here.

I get annoyed at the state of play with mass panic because that’ll not solve anything  and overall – l suppose l am in a state of perplexed complexity of anxiety – l know that is a mouthful – but if l stay focused and balanced between logic and emotion l will be fine … l mean classically how hard can that be?

The garden will see a lot of me in the next 12 weeks!

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But,  that’s me … how about you, how are you doing … really?

Are you ok?

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27 thoughts on “Simply asking you all …. but?

  1. Ok for now. I understand what you said about you being two people. I often have these inner dialogues and debate with myself, to the point I feel my brain is about to explode. Thanks for asking, wishing you good health!

    1. Hey Dream, l knew you would be able to relate to this – because it is very essence of our brains … l am super glad you are currently coping and you are in good health – same greetings of well wishes back to you – stay healthy 🙂

  2. Much of this resonates with me. I’m glad things worked out so well with the neighbors ☺️. I keep informed but am careful about too much news as I want everyone to be safe too. The distancing and isolation is ok for me but there is almost a flooding of thoughts and feelings for others. Outside is very good for me. I have exchanged contact info with most of my neighbors but there are a couple of new ones that I will reach out to today. Thank you for the reminder. Take care!

    1. Hey Suzanne, exactly – l just watch what l need to then back away – Suze however is addicted to it it’ll drive her insane … she’ll get hairs on her tongue!

      Have you noticed it yet? The change in nature? Like you we are on the outskirts not of a city, but a town, we live in a village, but already l have noticed a change in nature … listen carefully and you’ll hear it too 🙂

  3. I am new here and don’t know any neighbors, not one. I can neither ask for help nor offer any. I’m just staying inside and away from them all. My roommate left to go visit family, so I have 2 cats for company and the internet. I still take walks. Honestly, I feel a bit overwhelmed, especially now with the new orders.

    Stay safe, you and Suze. 💖

    1. Well we are all here for each other Paula, it may sound corny, not meant to – but there is always someone at the end of the keyboard here in WP – plus you need to chat, you have my email too 🙂

      You need to rant and don’t wish to do so online, you have my ear it’s yours 🙂

      Stay safe, smile as much as you can and keep talking to the cats 🙂

      Walks are good, air is good, exercise keeps sanity in check 🙂

      I completely understand the overwhelm .

  4. I am doing okay with regards to being on lockdown, personally. Ben being home is stressful and not knowing for sure if he’s going back April 6th (latest news) or in September, which is what the Governor recommends, makes it hard to plan for food. His diet is very specific, like many many autistic children, and adults. So far I’ve been able to keep up, with luck and an Angel of WordPress.

    I’m trying to think of ways to reach out and help others in our Blogging Community. My neighbors are both multigenerational families and we say hello but that’s it…🤷🏼‍♀️

    I’m busy with Ben, true, but not so busy I cant spare a few minutes for others. My email is open to one and all. I am good on food and money currently so I can offer help.

    Tell Suze to stay away from the news, it’ll make her sick!

    Worrying is such a waste of energy. It solves nothing. I understand it’s human nature and we are all concerned, but I’m trying to save my energy or “spoons” for actions I can do.

    VIRTUAL HUGS FOR EVERYONE!!!💌💌💌💌

  5. I’m really struggling, I broke down in tears this morning because I feel that my mental health is not strong enough to cope with 12 weeks of isolation. Especially with recent news, starting a new journey, we want to enjoy it but it’s become a more worrying time for us 💚

    1. Ami, l know WP is not people people contact, but it’s still people – we are all here for each other okay – we WILL get through this in one piece 🙂

      Or we’ll all become nut cakes 🙂

      1. I will explain over email tomorrow, my initial reply was vague. But yes, I just hope this passes as quickly as Ebola, bird flu, swine flu, etc did 💚

  6. Ask me again in a few months time when cabin fever has hit the neural pathways with acid bite …
    We have also offered help to all the people we know who live alone or are unable to shop or do things; we have to do this, people matter, whether friends or not. We are community.
    Thanks for asking!

    1. Hey Cage, l am glad to hear you are doing ok – great news to hear about the all round community as well – ah yes cabin fever mm, ha ha got to laugh it may be different ina few months – but at least you have the gardening and the writing, right 🙂

      1. I definitely feel there are two me’s. Thursday was one, Friday the other. Maybe it’s me but there are days when I feel more Aspie than our son. Here the feeling of social distancing is enhanced as our two neighbours are both elderly and have gone onto total lockdown. I only know they are there when they put the move the bin out to the garage door for me to carry to the road each week.

  7. I am so glad that you’re neighbor had the good grace and courtesy to apologize. That’s on less worry for you and Suze. I am doing well, as my life with my daughter and grandson is busy. I’m looking after his home schooling while my daughter is getting her thesis done for her PhD. Busy is good in today’s world. Less time to think and worry. Take care buddy.

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