A Trip to The Alchemist

Alchy

Thursday Inspiration 44

This week’s theme is Potion and the picture is above. Here is the song snippet from “Love Potion No. 9” recorded by the Searchers in 1964.

A Trip to The Alchemist

Quick Bruce!! I need me a good potion,
A special one too,
Don’t want a crafted cream or a lotion,
Or some kind of insect stew!
I don’t want mushrooms and fungi,
Rats testicles, newts eyes and a dog’s tongue,
Or something that makes me cry,
I want a potion that’ll award me some fun!
No need to poison myself,
… and make my breath smell,
My belly swell or turn me into an elf,
… turn my insides out and kill the blood cells!
I want to be handsome and hung like a donkey,
… something to make me a stud muffin,
A right catch and spunky!
I want bright blue eyes, and ruffled hair,
… a smooth complexion…
… complete with a rugged stare!
I want to be six foot, no seven feet tall,
Built like a fortress with pecs of steel,
I want the princess to see me and fall..
… for me and do cartwheels,
Of joy,
For this mysteriously sexy boy!

What? You have a potion that is just right for me?
That will cater to all my needs…
… and my desires and it is fiery?
Well then proceed, PROCEED!

What is it, what is it – please tell me do!
I need her to love me and take me away,
From my current abode to somewhere new!
For some wild fun and rampant horseplay!!
I am tiring of my life in the swampy pond
… and am in need of some fairy-tale rumpy pumpy,
Like l have read in the books!
This toad’s tired of all the bounce and jumpy..
… in the rivers and brooks!

What is this potion of yours that will make my life,
… sassier and filled with all things fine?
That will encourage the princess to be my wife?
What “Love potion number 9”?
All l need do is consume and allow her a kiss?
… are you completely insane?
Are you taking the piss?
Most look at me with loathing and disdain!
Next you will be saying l need to be a blooming frog!
That she just needs to look my way,
… whilst out walking her dog!
She’ll just see me and sway..
… and think ‘oh of course l need to find my prince!
That warty looking amphibian is just the ticket!
“I’m convinced!”
That my man to be is over there in the thicket!”

Oh, never mind then Bruce,
Just the usual for me then,
Some lizards innards and crushed worm juice…
… and l’ll be off home again!

© Rory Matier 2020

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