Dear Blog – 21.15 – 08/02/20

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A Case of the Giggles Fit for the Hyena!

According to the professionals the ‘ol meteorologists aka the weathermen or to be more correct the weather people – the weather centre – whichever – those who supposedly and with ease forecast the weather conditions! The UK is about to receive the blowjob of the century – like that of Stephen King’s ‘Storm of the Century’, we here in blighty are about to receive ‘One helluvva BJ!’ It is supposed to be like the notorious 1987 ‘Little bit of wind and it was nothing to worry about!’ saga from Michael Fish.

I don’t think l have trusted another weather report ever since, preferring to simply suck it and see on the day … however tomorrow, a nasty madam is expected on the shores of most of England again, and apparently where we are South East England is to prepare for the worst!

So who knows what might be arriving from 2am tomorrow morning … until it strikes no one knows what potential damage might be present … l will be post dating some Morning posts just in case we lose power here through outages. So if you only see morning posts from me for the next couple of days … that’s why, Storm Ciara has smacked us! If you don’t see anything after that – well l guess she smacked us seriously hard!

Anyway … that aside, more news from the humdrummery of my life …

hyena

Have you ever got a case of the giggles fit for a hyena? Do you know what l mean? When something makes you laugh and then it makes you just laugh for no reason at all – but it’s got you so bad, you can’t stop? Well that happened to me last night at around 5pm!

Yesterday, l had 35 bags arrive which was the soil that l had ordered – 25 litres per bag which is the equivalent to 16.5kg – an easy weight really … you would think? Suze took these through the window and it’s not that a day in our life is latticed!

However we started shifting them from the front of the garden to the back of the garden a 200 feet round trip for 35 x 25litre bags. Me being me, typically and thinking 16.5kg was an easy weight said to Suze l would start first and so off l went and started to cart the bags around.

However after two trips of doing one bag a time or 16.5kg of weight per trip, twice with a total of 400 feet and 33kg, l decided that surely if l could do one bag at 200 feet round trip and 16.5kg, that l could do 2 bags at 33kg and all for 200 feet, therefore reducing the overall carry time. The carry time for 16.5kg was for picking one bag off the pallet at the front of the house on the driveway and walking the 200 feet around the side of the house and up and down a wee flight of 3 stairs and through the open gate and up another small flight of three steps and onto the lawn to walk to the back of the garden to a predetermined area where l had sited a pallet ready for the bags – what could be so hard about that? It was taking me 2 minutes tops!

I mean l used to carry 60kg of bulk weight on my right shoulder when l was 40 so ‘surely l could manage 33kg of weight or 16.5kg under each arm?

Well, l think l forget something at times,  l am 56 … ooops and nearly 57 to boot, and whilst l am fit……tish – l am not fit – l am no longer a smoker [woot woot 8 months now!], but l have had a buggered shoulder which is healed but still healing and have serious stomach issues currently with a stomach that feels the need to carry an extra half a stone of bloat! But the biggest thing is that l am NO LONGER 40!!

So, l pick up two bags of 16.5kg and have one under each arm and proceed to walk the 200 feet which takes me longer than 2 minutes – it takes me four minutes and by the time l have finished the first 200 feet and put the bags onto the pallet my arms are longer by a good foot!

I realise that was a seriously bad move, and so having now hoisted four bags total from the front to the back, resume again on one 16.5kg bag per journey – Suze joins me by the time l am dead to the world on my sixth bag and the giggles have started … and l don’t know why? I am impressed with her shifting one bag and by the time she has finished shifting her fourth bag, l have just shifted my 9th and l am not just giggling, but laughing like a hyena.

When she asks rightfully ‘”What is wrong with you? Why are you laughing like this?” , l am a giggled mess and can’t answer and l honestly don’t even know why l am laughing – perhaps it’s through sheer exhaustion and acute tiredness, perhaps it’s through some kind of warped surreality that here we are shifting 35 bags of top soil in the twilight hours and one of us is laughing like a lunatic? Or perhaps it is the realisation that despite ordering 35 x 25litres of top soil that l suddenly realise we still don’t have enough soil!!?

I honestly don’t know …. oh no, there is no pun here folks … l was still laughing an hour later whilst taking a shower getting ready to go out for a meal with Suze and her brother and his wife at our favourite restaurant in the village.  We had a great night, l was well ahead in the old laughter stakes as well … l seemingly couldn’t stop laughing and l don’t even drink!

I’d had a busy Friday and was absolutely shattered by the time we walked down to the village at 7pm – l had spent four hours in the garden sieving a tonne of compost and then l shifted those bags and then we walked down to the village – l had done my exercise for the day!!

During the meal l discovered something strange about Suze too which had her brother and l rolling in laughter – Suze told us all she was going to salon the next day to have a procedure performed on her? “A procedure performed on you? That sounds somewhat omnious – what are you having done then?”

“Oh l am going to be facialised tomorrow.” She answered all innocent like.

Well upon hearing this, both her brother and l looked at each other and laughed.

Suze looked somewhat baffled … “Why are you laughing??”

“Well darling, after all these years l didn’t know you liked that sort of thing?” I answered.

“Of course you do, l love getting my face done at the salon!” Suze snapped. “Facialised!!”

“No, no, no darling, l think you mean you like to receive a ‘cream facial from the salon?” I answered her.

“Which is what l said l love being facialised!” She answered again to more howls of laughter from the brother and l.

“No problem darling, l’ll tell you what – l’ll explain later on when we get home.”

“Fine whatever!” Suze snapped. “Maybe you can show me what you are both laughing at then??”

We had a great meal,  and afterwards we walked home and when there l asked Suze to sit down so l could explain the visual …..

……..  Suze from this point on will only say “I am receiving a cream facial from the salon!” Ha ha she did indeed laugh and go her usual beetroot red!

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[This is NOT Suze]

Thanks for reading catch you next time …

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10 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 21.15 – 08/02/20

  1. No, no, no, no….NO! I would have died laughing too! Ugh, now I have an image in my head that I don’t want! Dang it, JB!😠😂

    Hope the (weather) BJ is gentle, JB. 🤣

  2. Oh, sweet. blessed laughter! Laughter has lightened many a load and shortened many a journey. Good for you! It made an impossible job possible, didn’t it?
    Wishing you all the best, as always, Rory. May none of the projected fears take place and you be undisturbed in any way by this weather experience!

    1. Wow – so you have had the storm since yesterday evening then? We had the winds just starting at around 7ish – light at first. Suze says that by 4am the world was howling a gale – nope didn’t hear it!

      Here we are at 11am and in truth l have seen harsher winds – it’s blowy for sure, but not like they built it up for Kent.

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