The Really You!
Season 1 – Game 12
What is or who is The Really You? No, really, as in really you? Who are you really? That’s basically what this game is about – who are you – who is – the really you!
Every week – just three questions – about you to tell us!
[A little deeper today in that dig!]
How well do you handle stress?
Every day stress l can handle pretty well – l have an ability to detach from low to mild to middling high stress and mentally walk away from it. I avoid high stress like the plague – because l know if l lose it – there is no instant calm to me till l burn out which pending upon the reason l lose control could be anywhere between 25 minutes to a day. But that is explosive stress levels as l call them.
I don’t often see them, but l know when my stress is building. In truth l can hold a lot more middling to high stress levels than most people BUT at that level l may only appear to be stable to those who don’t know me. I usually have signs l am about to blow.
How well do you handle your anger?
Well it all depends upon the level of anger we are talking about and the level of stress that is running hand in hand with it.
Basic Anger 1 and it’s nothing, l ignore it. Basic Anger 2 and Stress 1 again l can ignore it. BA3 and S2 l start to get a little bit edgy but it’s still managable and this will continue as easy to manage until we are at the likes of BA 12 or something silly high and S10 because at that point l am ready to go nuclear! Anything above a Basic Anger level of 9 and a Stress level of 7 and l am not the person to be around and at that point – people are just best leaving me alone – people have found out the hard way that when l say leave me alone, l am actually being polite to them.
The Aspergers – or autism if you wish allows me to detach to a lot of the hassle and the stimuli around me, but if it is pushed to the extreme – l lose control and then you are dealing with an absolute nightmare. I don’t strike out at anyone or anything like that – but l start busting things up as the black rage consumes me and it can last maybe an hour before l burn out or longer pending how long the stress has been building up. I am like the Hulk except the green part – but it takes a lot to get me there, but if there – you don’t want to see me angry!’
I have always had a problem with high volatile anger levels and l remember way, way before l was diagnosed with Aspergers  and by this l am referring to the mid 70’s l was experiencing extremely high levels of stress with my parents, father, mother, school life and bullying and undiagnosed spectrum disorders and it was being suggested by doctors than l was mentally unstable and needed locking up – l had a very volatile anger when l was in my teens to my later 40’s. I never once received any kind of support for my anger, stress levels or volatility and had to cope myself through stimulation and keeping busy.
I have only ever hit 2 people in my entire life, a school bully in Australia at the age of 11  and l broke a school table over his head and broke his collar bone and my father just before leaving home at 23  when he was threatening to kill my mother and l punched him … broke my thumb and his nose. I left home for good not long after that.
It’s rare when in an anger mode that l hurt other people unless l am being provoked or goaded and in the two cases where l was – [father and bully] l reacted.
l started self harming when l was 5 and was self harming till l was 50, which is only really 6 nearly 7 years ago this year. But hard core and serious self harming started from my early teens [10/11] and lasted till mid forties. Self harming was the only way to keep my anger in check as l aged. Then l acquired the learned knowledge that it was ‘people’ that fucked me off the most – so l started avoiding them.
When was the last time you really lost your temper through stress?
As in a nuclear anger level that was Friday 17th March 2017 and it lasted for three days till 20th March 2017. But that was a real nasty episode – 15 Anger and 12 Stress and those are rare.
However last night l lost my temper momentarily when Suze was driving us to the night out. We were cut up in lane by a bus driver, who not pleased with that – when pulling into the bus stop – then wound down his window and proceeded to swear at us loudly as we drove past and l demanded Suze to stop the car and l was ready to get out and beat him black and blue with an Asperger’s rage – but she didn’t and l didn’t and l calmed down 15 minutes later in the restaurant. But this is happening because my stress levels are at dangerous levels currently. I am seriously stressed at home and a little volatile. So it wasn’t going to take a lot to set me off.
The problem with me is l don’t have moderation nor regulation buttons – l am all in until l am not. So – handling stress these days is simple – avoid people on bad days or stress days.
So there we go folks!
Three basic The Really You questions for you …
… now it’s your turn!
If you create a post with your answer please do remember to add a ping back to this post – l am currently not getting all the links and so sometimes l never see your responses, so a manual link in the comments also helps out – Cheers Rory