Dear Blog – 22.21 – 22/11/19

Same Page Or Not?

The stress is phenomenal at times. You find yourself living on a knife edge – waiting for a sign, any sign, but you are waiting for signs that are not going to come, not unless you leave it too late and when it is too late, you’ll not forgive yourself – so it’s knowing when you both agree to letting the loved one go – when you are both 100% committed to the same page.

The time has been getting closer, we both know it .. admittedly l was ready a few weeks ago to say goodbye, reluctantly – it will always be reluctantly, but l don’t think Suze is ready yet … she knows, we both do, we talk about it every day – that moment is getting close.

Watching a loved one deteriorate, degenerate irrelevant to the functionality of other things – weeing, pooing, drinking, eating, sleeping, walking [just], on the scale of life – Scrappy is functioning … but her K9 dementia is destroying her, injuring us – not us, us, but us, watching a loved one slipping away like this, it’s damaging, daily, nightly, a dog that hardly settles at night, that paces, paces, paces, paces a constant flow of pacing, just pacing, not knowing where she is most of the time, not knowing whether she is coming or going – it’s a damager to your mind, to your emotions to your love for her …. it’s demotivating and depressing, and damaging and destroying – it’s dangerously depressing.

I am low, seriously low, yeah l will bounce back, tomorrow’s another day … it’s stress. Suze is stressed, we are both in the book, the same book, we are both reading the same chapter, we are just not yet on the same page   …. but that’ll be soon l feel.

Sadly.

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20 thoughts on “Dear Blog – 22.21 – 22/11/19

  1. And you’re both just wishing the decision would be taken away from you. Not that you wish her gone, but unless a fur-friend is in visible pain or cant do the daily life things, it’s always hard.
    It’s always so unfair when a good soul leaves by inches.
    Hugs to you & Suze.💌💌

    1. Hey Kim, cheers – it’s a day by day process now. Scrappy is a Kelpie cross staff, and you probably know Kelpies are pretty hardy dogs, the other thing is their true grit and determination – for simply not giving up … so despite everything else about her ailment wise – her willpower for staying upright at times is astonishing … one minute we think she is about to go, the next sure she is limpy, but she is saying ‘worry not we all have bad days right?’

      The difficulty is finding the right day to let go, when you never want to let go.

      1. Yes exactly. I have been in that position, it’s the hardest thing in the world. Each extra day is wonderful but also hard… so hard. Feeling for you.

        1. Thanks Kim – yes everyday is a joy – the dementia is frustrating at times, but then you see her spark again and it’s a great feeling to be recognised. Night times are her worst.

          We have her while we have her and now just embracing each day, it’s the best we can do.

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