LUCK is actually spelt J.I.N.X
The dog’s nervous whine is what aroused me to awaken,
To see her lying besides my bed upon the floor,
Looking quite bewildered and somewhat shaken,
And staring quite fixedly at the wide open door!
I should have taken note of the mornings’ omen,
The discovery of the dead mutilated sheep upon the stairs,
Was present l can now see for a bloody good reason,
And not just to unsettle me and fool me into believing my nightmares!
However when l did actually awaken properly,
And again heard my dogs’ panting upon the floor beneath,
Did l so step into the corridor quite gingerly,
Praying that l was not going to see a bloody dead sheep!
Albeit, was startled all the same at the same ‘wide open door’,
Irrelevant that it led merely to a bright and sunny day,
And not to some torn apart carcass dribbling with gore,
Spilling out from a woollen coat of a once off white grey!
Perhaps if it had been a Friday and a thirteenth at best,
Might l have taken heed to the dreaded warning…
And recognised it as a unsettled guest,
Instead of simply scratching my balls and yawning!
I am not fazed by dreams of doom, gloom or mystery
Most are greeted by me eagerly as humorous times,
However l should be really more careful, seriously,
And not think all night terrors are there for my rhymes!
But it was a Saturday, in fact only two days ago now,
And the day itself passed quite peaceably without a hitch,
The dream interpreted as that and a non omen show,
However, it was the day after that became known as the bitch,
It is true that ‘clumsy’ should have been my middle name,
For l have been involved in blunder for most of my given life,
And at times l feel that someone uses me as a piece in a game,
Just to test me in so far as how much l can take in physical strife?
I have had a game since December, that was way too fast,
For my olden aged computer and needed top spec,
A good friend said l could have his last,
To replace my own which was fast becoming a wreck!
I awoke excited and without incident the very next day,
And knew that my six month wait had finally come to an end,
For the new model was arriving shortly … hooray!
Yet unbeknownst to me evil forces were already gathering!
Imagine my horror, when just minutes before their arrival,
That my trusted hub should decide to falter, snap and break,
And that no amount of trickery from me would prove helpful,
The facts were simple, today was becoming a mistake!
British Telecom assured me the replacements would be with me on the morrow,
And l knew l would simply have to muddle on,
Pushing aside the lack of the Internet with some sorrow,
After all l had a newer computer in which to dedicate my concentration!
It was great to finally meet up with other gaming colleagues,
But the bad luck was not over as of this time,
For the little evil minions had decided they still had uncompleted deeds,
And were eager to test me out and stretch my freshly stressed mind!
The set up was easy enough, no hardship, in fact quickly done,
Sadly the new game could not be loaded as such,
Because it was internet based, and this dowsed the fun,
Yet no problem, l had a new hard drive and plenty to touch,
If not for the extremely bizarre incident involving the door,
The afternoon would have been fine,
But how the ‘wide open door’ became unhinged and fell towards the floor,
Was something that sort of plays upon ones’ mind!
How on earth the damn thing became severed from its hinges,
And tumbled heavily towards the ground,
Was a matter of some confusion to us all and caused cringes,
Especially from the one caught underneath whom only could frown!
That aside it was still a great afternoon and sad was l to see them go,
For more reasons than one might well think,
I needed their company later, more actually their intellectual know,
For sadly once gone the newer contraption started to falter and blink!
I was beginning to think that perhaps l had befallen to some curse,
Where bad luck, misfortune and downright simple jinx,
Had some deal with the devil and were present to make situations worse!
And that maybe, l needed a rebirth like the phoenix!
Before ten minutes had passed, and my friends were down the road,
Not one but both computers were acting like the insane,
Failing to understand simple commands and had gone into dumb mode!
Leaving me completely bewildered and with a creeping mental pain
Both mice decided to not work on either computer,
And the cursors were in a world of their own,
The keyboards failed to recognise me as their suitor,
And one of the C/D Rom drives completely broke down!
I am not technical in the slightest, l know how to turn things off and on,
So with so much going haywire and tits up around me,
It was then that l remembered the bloody dead sheep omen!
And that again l was stepping into the world of blunder reality!
Simple man made errors became the most incredible disasters,
With gadgetry not ever being the strongest part of my intelligence,
And two computers dazzling me brilliantly like gifted masters,
Doing exceedingly well to make mockery of my common sense!
The night was long and painful for this miserable gaming geek,
Who had two computers playing him up with an incredible zany style,
Determined to make him stressed out and freak!
And fully adamant that he would not be playing anything for quite a while!
An unusual occurrence happened around about two am,
Extremely early for me indeed, but l went to bed,
A thoroughly disgruntled and extremely befuddled man,
Hoping the next day would bring more joys and a clearer head!
And so there l still was Monday bloody afternoon,
Patiently awaiting the arrival of ‘new parts’ in the morning,
That didn’t look to be arriving anytime too soon,
With the new computer sort of ok, the ancient one switched off and snoring!
Is it just me that has crazy days, or am l not alone?
You know when things just never go to plan,
And if disaster is to strike it will do so at home,
Or am l just a clumsy blundering man?
Sundays’ set of technical errors, are but a few of the mishaps to name,
Albeit yesterdays were frustrating and irksome,
Life just seems to treat me like a pawn in a chess game,
Sadly l am coming to the conclusion, that l am quite simply cumbersome!
Normally l am out of odds with life, and bad luck relishes in my pain,
If l am not walking under ladders or falling down holes,
Stumbling over fences, destiny finds another way to make gains,
Whatever Lady Luck may do for others, with me is just a grim toll!
I can get lost going around a corner, trip over my own feet,
Accidentally shave my nose, even swallow spiders,
It just all seems to happen, and always to me!
Normal situations for most folk suddenly become for me a crisis!
Safest possible routes become major danger zones,
Household tools turn into lethal weapons or worse,
Microwave meals have been known to cause explosions,
I swear down l have some kind of curse!
I try and live an unexciting and quiet life,
Yet some kind of voodoo is at work,
That takes me forwards into all types of strife,
Making me at best feel like a jerk!
And yet here l sit, again watching my dog panting,
For no apparent reason and she’s staring at yet another open door,
I cannot but help think that perhaps this is actually the warning,
And that LUCK is actually spelt like J.I.N.X and that l am in for some more!!!!
© Rory Matier 2011
Guy or Bloke, Your Choice