Get Out Of My Room!!!
I was originally going to write this introduction up as ‘published by the lovely Julie de Rohan’ – however that isn’t acceptable in today’s world as it could well cross a personal boundary’… l don’t have Julie’s permission to introduce her that way and it might cause her upset or offence!
Whilst reading this afternoon, l came across an interesting post written and published by Julie de Rohan titled ... Food for Thought: Waking Up to Our Boundaries and in the post was a line that l found very interesting and intriguing as well, and this made me think very deeply indeed….
Boundaries make it safe for us to engage with others, without compromising our independence. They separate us from each other, while at the same time allowing us to be close. Rather than a barrier to relationship, boundaries give us the means to connect authentically.
But what if we don’t know where they are?
If our personal boundaries aren’t respected in childhood, we struggle to find them in adulthood.
Julie de Rohan
This did make me think a lot – it is very true – that if our boundaries are NOT respected in childhood we do struggle to find them as we age .. in fact l had no true sense of personal boundaries for me until well in my forties – although l understood the lines of boundaries for others for the better part … but not with me.
I suppose that’s the problem with being manipulated for most of your life and to a certain extent being a people pleaser [a topic we shall discuss at a later date] I only truly understood limits and boundaries with my Asperger’s diagnosis. A lot of people on the spectrum have great difficulties with boundaries – l say l respected people’s boundaries but things are very different these days as l explained in the introductory to the introduction
I grew up with most assuredly two narcissists, my father who respected no one’s boundaries what so ever not just at home but all the way through his entire life and my mother whilst not specifically a hard line narcissist, she too respected no one’s space or private time and even as l aged in the family with my parents the only time l became vaguely away aware of boundaries to do with me was when l left home …
But Julie’s post did make me think about children of today versus children of yesterday and is there a recognised difference in the term boundaries?
I couldn’t scream at my parents to get out of my room when young, it mattered not if l had a “do not disturb’ sign on my door and trust me l did, because it was simply a case of them walking in all the time – my time was never my time, it was always their time … of course l could yell at my sister and she me, but our parents never knocked, never called through doors, they simply walked in – they paid for the house [or he did], therefore our space, was his space, our time was his time …
Did you have personal boundaries as a child?
Do you struggle with boundaries now as an adult?
Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.