It’s About Time! – No More Twisted Knickers



It’s About Time! – No More Twisted Knickers

Part 1

My thanks to Angie for her allowing me to use

“No More Twisted Knickers”

Mentioned in this post are the following amazing bloggers who l also call friends and their blogs …

Beckie of Beckie’s Mental Mess , Angie of King Ben’s Grandma , Renard Moreau and Ursula of An Upturned Soul

I read an interesting post this week from a friend of mine Mindfulness Monday ☮️ Make a Change  which in turn inspired this post l have been meaning to pen for a few weeks however, l have been battling TIME problems! It’s always TIME & BALANCE!

In  Dear Blog – 11.25 – 25/08/19 l wrote “l still would love for someone to write the perfect How To Balance Your Reading Post with regards blogging!”  Ursula answered this very well with …

I could offer up some advice about this – “l still would love for someone to write the perfect How To Balance Your Reading Post with regards blogging!” – since I’ve been in the blogosphere for a while-ish time, have been through some of the phases and stages which all newbies go through to become no longer newbies, have made mistakes and whatnot, and have experimented a lot, but I blog differently from you.

You’re very focused on things which I don’t focus on with regards to blogging. I’ve learned that some of those… best not to focus your focus on them.

You’re trying to please too many people (the ones you call your readership). In the blogosphere that’ll wear you out… much faster than that sort of thing wears you out in RL.

…. and probably didn’t realise at the time what her response would trigger within me … which was a very deep set of questions aimed at my inner core and stabbed at this terms called ‘People Pleasing’ which gets a lot of terribly bad press. It took me some time to actually answer Ursula’s comment that day ….

“You have an ability Ursula with your written words to make one stop dead in their tracks and think.

Your comment here is no different.

I had a longer answer here, it wasn’t rude, but l have edited it, because l am thinking about what you have written.

To a degree you are correct and yet not 100% but l can see how you would write what you have. But you have made me think in more ways than one.

For that l thank you, not in so far as the ‘people pleaser side’ but the fact that you made me think on something l am working on.”


August 25, 2019 at 5:58 pm

People Pleaser or Pleasing People is there a difference?

Well considering that comment exchange was made nearly six weeks ago … should tell the reader exactly how long some comments do indeed stay with me. I don’t tend to simply dismiss much of what people say. It took me a bit of time to answer Ursula at first because it ‘shocked me’, yeah it did. ‘People Pleaser .. Me? Am l? Really?

Am l, am l a people pleaser?

No, l am not … not the way many might interpret it  – but l do try and please me and that is really hard, in fact it is MUCH harder to please me than it is for me to please you, my readers. I struggle to please me, l struggle with balance and l struggle to balance the pleasing of me and finding equilibrium and inner harmony.

People pleasing really does get such a bad rap doesn’t it? Well not all ‘people pleasing’ is bad – it is only really bad if it is detrimental to your mental wellbeing and if you are allowing yourself to be manipulated by others.

Having spent most of my former career years involved in the ‘service industry’  – it can make understanding the positive elements of people pleasing very awkward as a concept. Retail, catering, the escort industry especially is and are all about pleasing people – so are some people more prone to people pleasing roles than others? In fact is people pleasuring –  people pleasing? When l ran the exotics business my whole role next to husbandry and political conservation of species was in fact involved with pleasing people and to a degree being a people pleaser for profit.

There must be a difference surely, not all can be bad? But then l thought well okay, what about bloggers writing for audiences and readerships? Are they NOT writing to please others as well as themselves? Is that too not a form of people pleasing, or am l looking at this wrong? So then l looked at Ursula’s comment again …

You’re trying to please too many people (the ones you call your readership).

………………………………. right!

So Ursula wasn’t calling me a people pleaser per se … ish. She meant in reference to my ‘readership’. That l was trying to please too much/many of my readership at once … ish … mm. That made me think even further .. are we NOT supposed to please our readerships to a certain degree? Why should they they read us, follow us or even interact with us and our blogs ….. Well they do so by choice of course, but because we also encourage and motivate them to view our writing and readings…. no?

The onus of their engagement falls on them. But if we as hosts are wanting to be engaged and interacted with then we too have a responsibility to be communicable to our community which in turn must have an element of ‘people pleasing’ to it. As bloggers we not only write for ourselves but do we not also write for our readership? Otherwise if we purely wrote only for ourselves do we not fall into the pit of becoming too self niche?

Ursula’s comment made me think very hard indeed on a number of different topics, because l was already thinking hard on a number of different topics when l wrote the Dear Blog episode for that day and one of the pressing elements was about ‘balance’. Balance in blogging is the key to survival – Ursula had painted that out earlier in the comment in a round about way …

… since I’ve been in the blogosphere for a while-ish time, have been through some of the phases and stages which all newbies go through to become no longer newbies, have made mistakes and whatnot, and have experimented a lot …

…………. it’s all about balance!

…………… it’s all about time!

……………Everything is about Time and Balance!

And it’s all about people!

We will come back to ‘people pleasing ‘ another time but for Part 1 l thank Ursula  for making me deep think, something she is very good at, knowingly or unknowingly she is very good at that. If you are not yet aware of both Ursula and or An Upturned Soul l really do suggest you check her out. Sometimes her writing is so deep and profound l am left treading water till l can find my legs again, but she is unique and a true wonder for the reader.

Ursula of An Upturned Soul

Her comments here will become more apparent in Part 2.

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Post written to this awesomeness!

21 thoughts on “It’s About Time! – No More Twisted Knickers

  1. I have sort of balanced my blogging. Reading versus writing. It needs to become a habit so that you can do it with ease.

      1. Almost. I have reduced the number of post appearing in my reader, as notifications. That way the burden of reading is lessened. Writing can be done beforehand, scheduling the posts for next day take a lot of pressure off the mind.

          1. I think a couple of hours in the morning and same in the evening. A look see during the day to answer the comments. But if I don’t do that, it really doesn’t make much of a difference because I catch up in the evening. It’s a good system.

  2. Bravo! Tremendous post, Rory! Every word, every thought, every bit of this is what I was battling with myself over.
    Since my post last monday on, “Mindfulness Monday ☮️Make a Change” and reading Renard’s Worlds post, it all became so clear to me. The Limitations, Time, and balancing was what I needed to adapt to. I strived to do just that this entire week, and I’ve got to admit. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Yes, my “Knickers were indeed twisted”, and I had to find a way to untwist them before I hated my passion. Passion in which is my blog. I didn’t want to hate doing something I utterly love to do.
    I write for myself, I write for my dedicated readership, I write because it’s freeing to me. It’s my therapy. The bonus of this is that friendships are made, are cherished, and are so worthwhile to be a part of.
    The unwanted pressure of “people pleasing” has calmed down. I find my concentration has improved and I can still live my life outside the walls of a laptop screen.

    Again, Rory! You hit a homerun with this post! God Bless You!!!!

  3. Ursula always has something profound to “say” (write). Even if she’s doing a humorous post. I’ve followed her for a good long time now and will continue to as long as she continues to write. Currently I’m having a difficult time balancing BOTH reading and responding and having time to write something for my own blog. I’ll work it out in time.

    I have a cut off point (most days) of 2:30 – 3 pm. But there’s a phenomenon that’s been happening lately, which I call ‘the disappearing hours” where I think it’s so much earlier than it actually is, and I’m on computer until 4 or 6 pm. That’s not good, because it triggers my insomnia if I do that. Interesting post, Rory….I’ll look forward to reading Part 2! 🙂

    1. Hey Melanie many thanks – yes she does, sometimes a lot of what she writes goes over the top of my head on first reading, until l go back reread and reabsorb.

      This particular post will be l think 4 parts – we have had part 1 but they all tie in, next is Beckie’s post, then Renards finishing off with mine 🙂

  4. Ursula does send the mind, at least MY mind, off on some incredible tangents. I usually read her posts 2,3 or 4,5 times before I comment and the comments are usually long. Longer than usual even for me😉
    I have you to thank for pointing me in her direction a while back. And I think I found you through Lin at Dream Walden. This ol universe points us to where we need to go if we pay attention.

    1. Hey Grandma,

      Yes Ursula is an absorbed read – in recent weeks in fact since her comment that landed on the right day or the wrong day pending reflection – l have had that phrase in my head – like a seed and have been working and whittling with it into a little pointy stick to poke into the ground to tie my stalwart rope to …. good grounding is what l am saying! Ha ha

      1. Your pointy stick, eh? I see…🤔😂
        Being a Taurus you’re bound to be “grounded”. Earth sign and all that. Also stubborn as a bull and full of 🐃💩! 😂😂

  5. Cool post, Rory, I’ll keep an eye out for the next installments 🙂

    You’re right, I wasn’t calling you a people-pleaser.

    I don’t view you as a people-pleaser, however you do try to please/give pleasure to people and you do succeed in doing so. You do writing prompts and other interactive activities for the blogging community, so focusing on pleasing your readership is logical.

    I’ve been a people-pleaser, was trained by narcissists to do that, failed miserably at the job, didn’t please anyone especially not myself, so I eventually quit it. The quitting process is a bumpy one – I fell back into people-pleasing mode when my blog got a lot of attention a few years back (thousands of views a day, and lots of comments most of which required long thoughtful replies) and I ended up going through a blogger burnout due to it.

    A few months ago I read a post by a blogger who couldn’t understand why another blogger said that they felt “overwhelmed” by the comments they received on their posts. I’ve felt overwhelmed by comments on my posts because people shared their problems, life stories, and asked me for help, advice, answers to difficult situations, due to what I was sharing in my posts – my own life stories, problems, and my answers to difficult situations I’d been in.

    I shared the bit above because

    a) what the blogger said about the other blogger stuck in my craw (like what I said bugged you) and when something does that it’s worth exploring within why, you never know what you’ll discover, it can be insightful and perhaps liberating, maybe you’ll find the solution to a problem. It’s worth sharing it on your blog as it may help others who are experiencing something similar.

    b) it shows how we all experience this activity known as blogging differently. It’s not at all the same for everyone because we’re all different and approach it in our different way.

    One of the things I’ve finally penny dropped learned is to please myself first and foremost when I blog. I write for myself, and sometimes it turns out to be for someone else too.

    Most of my “readership” aren’t other WP bloggers, I get about 400 to 600 views a day, with referrals mainly from Google and other browser search engines, with a few from forums, reddit, FB, Twitter, and the occasional other blog… most viewers are lurkers, don’t leave a comment or Like, unless they go to the effort of doing so which takes time if they don’t have a WP account. So… I don’t have a specific “readership” who I’m writing for, so I write what I want to write and read and those who also want to read it will find it if they’re meant to find it.

    I don’t rely on the WP blogger community for support. It’s lovely when I get it. I’ve met some awesome WP bloggers, like you, Melanie and Angie, and many others, some of who no longer blog.

    Which means I don’t have to do that thing bloggers who blog about blogging are always advising bloggers to do – “Like” the posts of those you follow, make “great post” comments, read every post every blogger you follow posts and Like and comment. That’s exhausting 😉 That’s blogging social media style.

    Many of the bloggers I follow on WP don’t interact with other bloggers, they just post and that’s it. They may not even follow other blogs. It’s more old school blogging, where your blog is a journal with long entries which you leave lying around for others to read if they happen upon it, want to.

    That’s what I mean when I said – I blog differently from you.

    Thank you, Rory, for your words and thoughts shared.

    1. Hi Ursula,

      Top notch answer – absolutely top quality – one of those responses you can use to refer to. It was received with hearty thanks as indeed was the comment that day back in August. I have said before l appreciate both posts and comments of depth, not many people understand that , but you do and for that and your presence here l am grateful.

      I use you, forgive me as a learning curve, there is always something of true intrinsic value in your posts, so thank you again for making me deep think 🙂

      1. I have no problem with you using me and what I’ve said in a post or comment as part of your learning curve – I’ve done that, I did it recently with something you said in a comment on one of my posts. You inadvertently hit upon something which used to be a bugbear for me and I just went with the flow. It was nothing to do with you, everything to do with me.

        Don’t worry, I rarely take anything personally… blogging has helped with that. It’s full of learning curves and actually learning to enjoy the curves you take when learning.

        Thing is… what you learn through blogging can ripple out and make RL easier.

        1. I am glad you have said that 🙂

          Because your comment in August serves as the link pin between all the posts of this particular series of 3 – 4 posts they all link, they all have something to do with learning curve – as said and as you have also discussed here today – there are lessons that leek and leech into RL and then there are things that MAKE no sense whatsoever until something else links them – last night l was listening to something [webinar] and something the speaker said coincided to something your comment referred to then and here in these two you have written and it was like another ‘epiphany moment!’ So yes, l am glad you are okay with it – you are the tie in with all of these posts – damn that sounds creepy mawahaha! Not meant to!

    2. I especially liked this comment Ursula – really, really and yes no shit – really liked this – this means a lot and something l have been discussing with a friend recently – ‘That’s blogging social media style.’ That’s what l mean by Learning Curve with you Ursula, l may not always get everything you write about, BUT with each post l read and the comments that follow [ l read them to see how other people interpret you] l see something that says to me ‘Ooh did you see that??’ That’s goooooooooooood!!

      1. Thank you 🙂 I really liked my comment too… ha, am I joking or serious 😉 … commenting on someone else’s post often takes longer for me than writing one of my posts. I have to re-read and think more about it before pressing the button.

        Which is why I tend not to bother with commenting on other posts… unless I really enjoyed what I got from the post and have something to say even if I sound like a psycho 😉

        Blogging is all learning curve – you’re at that point now where you’ve got this, you’ve leveled up… and that’s when other stuff comes up to explore, question, do and learn from experimentation. You’re at the point of – What do I really want to do with my blog/blogging? Tough one… you’ll figure it out, you always do.

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