The Positive Brain …
… The Conflicts Within
Someone emailed me the other day and asked what this series ‘The Positive Brain’ was actually about, because in their eyes l wasn’t coming across as very positive? The writer wasn’t asking in an aggressive or a hostile fashion although there was perhaps a smattering of ‘sarcasm’ – so l mailed them back and said l would answer them with this post.
The question was however a fair question.
I get a lot of emails from all sorts of people on a regular basis and l am quite open to their questions – sometimes l answer them back directly via email and sometimes l choose to answer them back indirectly, but through a post. I am addressing the question with this particular post.
The Positive Brain as a series was never going to be about me blowing magical pixie dust up each readers ass and suddenly they become 100% optimistically positive. That’s the core of what the series ‘isn’t about’.
So what IS IT ABOUT then?
Well actually first off, it’s a personal journey, it’s about me trying to re-energise my own positive levels of optimism through something which l call Neutralism and Neutralism Plus. But my approach is a lot more realistic and down to earth and principally achievable over a longer period. If anyone reading found the series beneficial to any part of their life and took something away from it on the motivation or enthusiasm level then that is just brilliant from my perspective.
It was originally going to be about the joint journey that Suze and l were undertaking with a view to increasing our own motivation levels …. but as is the way of life, things happen, things change and situations evolve differently!
I was very optimistic six weeks ago with a clearly defined schedule of where l was going and where l wanted to be … but ‘shit happened’ and a clusterfucking storm of hell swept through the house. I can sweeten that line up and make it read prettier or just tell you straight how it felt, because that is ‘realistic and down to earth’.
Suze became ill – really ill and then hospitalised ill, nearly died with Sepsis ill, was discharged marginally better than when she went in, became ill at home, nearly went in to hospital again, was a terrible home patient who had no optimism and is now down in Devon against her [to a degree] will, because the only way for her to recover was to be away from the house. That was quite a shock to the system and knocked my mental health for six thinking she was going to die.
Scrappy our dog, is ‘of sorts’ dying, she has crippling arthritis, anal gland cancer, chest problems and her K9 mental cognitive abilities are in serious decline and whilst we thought we could allow our dog to die of old age naturally at home – with all this we realised that’s no longer an option and that we would have to step in sooner rather than later and make a life choice for her. Scrappy’s dementia and health decline is a source of major stress in this household to Suze and myself, because Scrappy is our furry child and has been my best mate for 16 years and this too is knocking the shit stuffing out of me!
My gut health has declined since coming off 20 months of antibiotics which l was taking for my injured shoulder and l am in a dire situation with really poor quality gut flora which is being further fuelled by high levels of stress from home. The result of poor gut health is tremendous bloat issues – which are adding up to a stone in weight, serious pain and discomfort to me daily – causing me even more serious stress whilst l try and get to the bottom of my stomach disorder and rectify with the right diet.
I am staving depression off, but poor gut flora affects your concentration and focus levels. My Asperger’s is also suffering from burnout as l became overwhelmed with the combined problems with Suze and Scrappy alike and my levels of motivation and enthusiasm took a serious tumble. Current anxiety levels are high enough to cause problems with my breathing. I am refraining from taking further medications for any of these problems as that will only further hinder my recovery.
Everything l had plans for in so far as my business training, my professional study and the merchandising l want to do for the online stores l run – everything is on a hold until l can get to a satisfactory level of enthusiasm. So l am now terribly behind with things which both frustrates me and stresses me further! One example is The Positive Brain series, which should have been further along by now than it is.
So these are the recognised identifiers that are causing stress in the household at this present time. I do have positives which l am very proud of which are keeping me from losing my shit altogether.
I gave up smoking 16 weeks ago, this coming Friday and l am now vaping. I am hoping to give up vaping completely by end October this year.
My shoulder which caused me serious injury and pain for 20 months is now on the mend and l was signed off physiotherapy last week for good progression, and l have started an exercise routine and schedule with the garden in order to recover my health. I am under a nutritionist with regards investigating and further identifying the problems affecting my gut flora.
I am still blogging and l write daily in order to keep my enthusiasm levels stable. I am also working diligently on systems to keep my motivation at a ‘realistic positivity’ level aka Neutralism. I say this because there was a period of about a month where l was contemplating blogocide and not because l was tired of blogging or l had written myself dry because l haven’t – but because l was battling with depression and was clueless as to what the fuck l was doing with my life?
But also, each and every day l do say nice things to myself and sometimes that is really hard – but you know, l am NOT a bad person. I am a good person and l want good things to happen to me, l have had enough of the shit this life is keen to award out like candies!
Don’t forget to tell yourself positive things daily! You must love yourself internally to glow externally.
But you know, the down to earth level of all of this confession is that most people go through this crap at one point or another, most people reading this can both relate to what l write and the words will resonate with them on a more practical level of understanding – so sure – l could magically as said blow pixie dust up your ass and make you feel 100% fucking fantastic about yourself and life with this series – but that wouldn’t be the truth and where in that process would you have you earned the achievement of getting through the darkness to the light at the end of the tunnel?
So do you follow me on that ?
Everything is about babysteps. This series is about babysteps – meaning that l am working on my shit, to achieve my own levels of neutralism plus. This is not your usual ‘positivity post or indeed optimistic series’ I am not saying there will never be ‘woot woot’ moments – for there will be, but everyone works differently to the next person along. Because ALL of US, every single one of us has conflicts within and those things need their assess kicking and sometimes that’s just not an overnight one post celebration!
A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.
However, despite the above introduction as way of an answer to my emailer of a couple of days ago …. here are some points l am using to keep my levels of enthusuasm in the passable level of realistically acceptable! Here are some simple and easy babysteps to follow and practice…
A favourite of mine – is to always try and find the positives from a negative situation. Don’t be too quick to always find fault with something you are doing – if you make a mistake for instance, look at the fault again and see if it is really that bad? Take a break from the problem, take a small walk and come back to it with fresh eyes. You might surprise yourself.
Surround yourself with as much positivity as you can – be this music, reading from positive sources like a quote page for inspiration, reading a book or an article perhaps on someone you admire. Have bright colours present when you work…. currently in my new office l have spent time working on a pleasant ambience to keep me motivated. I no longer have dull walls but colourful messages like this one below… as motivators …
… or l have my prime numbers …
Don’t beat yourself up all the time!
I am terrible at this – l am always doing it – as l have said before l am not a natural optimist, l am a cynical realist and prone to self destruct moments of pesimism and negativity – l have to work hard at keeping myself upbeat. Don’t be your biggest bully! Sometimes we pick too big a pile of work to do – we set our expectations too high and then disappoint ourselves when we fail and then we really do a number on ourselves.
So remember ‘babystep’ yourself, smaller tasks, bigger wins!
Don’t run …. before you can crawl!
Another thing l am terrible at – racing ahead too quickly, l stumble over my own feet! Weighing in with too much negativity from doing too much and over stretching your own ability means stress – simple as – take it easy – Rome wasn’t built in a day!
Don’t Bottle It!
Over the years l have learned the hard way that it is never wise to continually bottle up pent emotions, so allow them to expend – if you have concerns, voice them -otherwise you’ll burn yourself out!
Sometimes when the day isn’t going right or the way you want it to – then take a break, walk away from the day and find happiness in other things or people, or if this is your thing and a classic for bloggers – is ‘make someone’ elses day a real nice day! In the real world, we can smile and laugh with people, well you can do that here in WP as well – interact with your audience and readership alike. Small comments make the biggest differences to people.
So there we go – 6 simple but real easy points to help you with your positivity – sure no true woot woot moments – but they do work.
Thanks for reading