22nd September 2019
The Last Mystical Walkabout
I have a few things that l am behind with currently, l was until now behind with this post ,a new feature called Question Hub, second part to the Man Eater story, looking at my old autobiography with a view to strip down, a positivity post, working with the merchandise stores and interactive and readership prompts all of these l am officially behind with.
Suze suggested ‘drawing the line beneath them’ and start afresh but l can’t do that, because like this post now is a series closure post, the Question Hub is a new feature that requires creation, Man eater cannot be left only on part 1 and the list goes on … l have said l will do them, and that’s what l am going to do! Just slowly catch up.
Suze left to travel down to Devon today with her son, his wife and the grandkids for some much needed R&R, leaving Madam la Scrappy and her old man alone in the house once more. I needed Suze gone from here for a few reasons ..
1] She needed the peace and quiet of Devon to recover as well as she could and to receive uninterrupted sleep. Scrappy keeps waking her up at night. Every night Scrappy would push open the bedroom door which would hit the wall with an almighty bang.
Suze was a twit to her own health yesterday [Saturday] because she felt better and then overdid things instead of relaxing despite me pleading with her to stop! She didn’t and last night she was in poor health, and had a rough night’s sleep again because of poor health, and having to leave this morning at 4am to avoid Sunday traffic to get to Devon.
I found it very annoying yesterday, there l was being a stickler for my 20/25 minutes compost exercise and there was Suze doing this, doing that, digging up parts of the garden and the list went on!
So, l was pleased that she was going to Devon today – because when she is there, she can’t do anything except rest, and she is NOT in control down there. She SHOULD recover!
2] With Suze recovering at home and therefore not at work, Scrappy has been pacing more and more between Suze’s location and my own in different parts of the house and putting more pressure on her legs than she needs to. So the philosophy was/is if Suze is not in the house then Scrappy doesn’t need to pace so much ……. mm.
3] With Scrappy and Suze divided up even just for a week, l can hopefully catch up with things as well as have my stress lowered because of Suze’s non stop worry about Scrappy [Trust me when l say this can be very stressful] which was proving to be a disturbance to my day.
………………………. so how is number 2 and 3 working out right now?
Well 2 and 3 are still present. Scrappy starts to pace from mid to late afternoon now, prior to that she is asleep for most of the day which as terrible as it is to say – is a blessing. But l can sort of detach from her nightly pacing [sort of] and so although l am really stressed by her behaviours, l am NOT as stressed as l would be if Suze was here as well and not being well, Suze becomes frustrated quicker and then l am tearing my hair out with stress trying to please two parties.
Scrappy has now been pacing since 4.30pm – in addition to that she stares at blank walls, or walks up to you and stares at you licking her lips. So you feed her and usually she eats it, but not always, sometimes you might be second guessing her three hours later! All the way through the pacing she is panting heavily and noisily and experiencing complete disorientation. Her behaviour is on repeat like this for up to 8 hours nightly now whether like now l am the only one in the house with her or if Suze is present. It can be very stressing.
Now considering her last 4 Paws Diary episode was Cod Liver Boils literally just a month ago her health [mentally and physically] has declined further since then. I have made mention to the staring at blank walls, the hours and hours of pacing, the minimal nightly sleep and sadly for Suze and l the actual physical loss of her cognative ability which l think is 85% weaker than it should be, Her memories of us being in the remaining 15% and yet, l am NOT convinced of those figures! Scrappy must remember us, but many a time she seemingly is clueless as to who we both are??
I believe that she recognises us for short moments in time similiar to human dementia, but the reality of everything is that she goes purely l think by instinct, learned behaviour and rote conditioning. People just happen to be in the same vicinity and it looks like she recognises us. Currently she is quite disorientated, because Suze isn’t here and Scrappy can sense her smell and see the car and so is standing by the front door – bless her it’s got to be confusing for her.
Walking is very routinal these days as well. We wanted to try and improve her walks, and she became almost moody about not being on the regular walk. Yesterday we went to the woods something she used to love and yet after five minutes she was already turning tail and speeding to get home! The morning walk is very deceptive as well. Scrappy takes her time smelling everything and going very slowly on the way out for about ten minutes walk time, get’s to some invisible spot and then the slowness is replaced with top speed ninja running back to the house.
She now only looks forwards to her food and her treats and half the morning walk. When l wrote yesterday that Scrappy enjoyed the walk in the woods ‘sort of’ this obligated speedy return to home is what prevents her from enjoying the walks anymore – it’s all just part of the learned behavioural routine!
The house is safe, l can see her moving around out of the corner of my eye, she has fresh water, and food down, but to keep my sanity in place l am wearing headsets and listening to music as l write. I couldn’t do this if Suze was home, because l would be having to listen out for both of them, and Suze’s frustration at Scrappy. But with headsets on and knowing Scrappy shouldn’t injure herself l can reduce some of my anxiety which is present now.
Scrappy is standing beside me panting heavily and staring at me, with a nodding head and just eyeballing me, she doesn’t need anything and if l fuss her she turns away, because she no longer wants the affection.
Anyone who ever says living with a dog with K9 Dementia is easy is a fuckwit who needs to seriously think about what they are saying … because there is NOTHING remotely relaxing about this, any of this . Never mind my own emotions coursing through my mind. During the day l have to watch and contend and assist when necessary Scrappy with her criplling arthritis listening out for and hoping not to hear some horrible yelp because she has stood badly or like earlier, couldn’t get up from her bed that well because she had rolled out of normal position and was in a difficult position to move up from.
This is all very difficult in so far as K9 furry companionship and parenting but it’s not a problem for the dementia sufferer, they are oblivious to the stress and duress they are putting family members under. Down the bottom of the street where l live, there is a chap by the name of Cubbert – he is late sixties early seventies – is a retired dentist, an intelligent man by all means – but he has dementia.
When we first arrived here we used to see him cycling all over the village in a circle same repetition, then he became a danger and they took his bike away and so he walked in the same tight circle around the village. He became a danger there pretty soon, and then his wife had to walk with him – him speed marching ahead oblivious to her presence – then that stopped and now occasionally we see him in the car as a passenger and occasionally they drive the same tight circle around the village …. this is what is now happening with Scrappy.
I was originally going to write and create a post on K9 dementia, but l am not going to do that now, as l am feeling the stress of writing this and having Scrappy stare at me non stop for twenty minutes now whilst l created this post.
So, this was to inform her readership that 4 Paws Diary Episode 45, is indeed the last episode for Scrappy. I will cover her news in the Dear Blog episodes. It was also just to say a big thank you to her fans and readers alike, l know she was always grateful for all the support. Scrappy and l briefly talked about this – and she agreed that she hasn’t got what is required to run the series in a fulfilling capacity anymore.
Tootlepip from Doodlepip!