Ode to Fellatio Johnson
Of the many muscle men in history,
I wish now only to talk of one,
Although two could share the glory,
It was Johnson that had all the fun,
Like his cousin Horatio Nelson,
Master of the seas, and a column to boast,
Fellatio was the winner of the long tongue,
An art in which he became engrossed!
I could of course talk of Nelsons’ achievements,
But what is the point, they are well known,
Whilst Johnson’s are the raised topic for men,
And whether one should suck or be blown!
Whilst Nelson was master of the seas,
And a commander of very good and able men,
Johnson mastered supreme in how to please,
Not forgetting how to produce fine seamen!
Whilst Nelson was off fighting abroad,
Johnson was asked to take in hand,
A growing concern by imploring broads,
Of the misunderstanding man!
Was it simply not enough to handle,
Certain parts found in the south,
Without causing unpleasant scandals,
That eventually would lead to the mouth?
Indeed, thought Johnson, what a plight,
And with his strength he gathered his forces,
So that they could openly discuss this delight,
And toss it over so that they too could endorse,
The seriousness of the tissue raised,
By scantily clad women of the period,
Who did look to have their handy work praised,
And finally an end to the confusing myriad,
Johnson, Richard, Harry, Russell One eye,
Slant Eyed Fred, Gristle Missile and Bone Her,
Were just part of the team that would try,
To cum up with the all time answer,
As to whether it is considered sufficient,
Simply to play with or to swallow whole,
The contents of raised tissues when spent,
Or to allow them only to silently stroll?
Dip Stick, Loving Pump, Meaty Wrench and Penile Pole,
Were mortified that it was allowed to go waste,
Granite Edifice and Night Crawler voted the hole,
Junket Pumper and Slippery Weasel voted for taste,
All then asked whether it was right,
To simply state it as a Blowing Job?
Or should it be awarded the title of White Knight?
Maybe less formal and simply suck blob?
Tobias, the cheeky monkey,
Was correct in his concern that there was no blow,
Involved, in achieving the success key,
And that this was purely there for show,
It was a task of straightforward sucking,
With the right amount of pleasure,
It would lead eventually to plucking,
And that alone was a true treasure!
As is usually the case, these tasks can run away,
When left unguarded by formality,
And topics soon began to sway,
Into inappropriate suggestions by the committee!
Vlad the Impaler and the Pink Oboe,
Called for order and to stay on track,
So as to resolve the secret to the snow flow,
To swallow or allow into the crack?
All night this beating out continued on,
Until finally exhausted the following morn,
The purple headed warriors agreed upon,
A term acceptable to the penile horn,
That Blow job, was completely wrong,
Hand job was totally acceptable and ‘very nice’,
But for incredible oral gratification,
No longer did they have to think twice!
As far as names went with these issues,
To be morally correct and not become stuck,
When addressing the mounting tissues,
It could not be called ‘suck fuck’,
The Tool, Sex Pistol and again Pink Oboe,
Had to concede that it should be Latin,
Which is why Johnson’s first name Fellatio,
Just fitted that sexual pattern!
And so it came to be known,
Throughout history, that to mouth the organ,
Was to suck and not to be blown,
That this would increase to harden,
Certain southern parts in the nether regions,
And that whilst Nelson would be remembered,
Johnson would remain ‘legion’,
For his name as Fellatio an ability to give head!
© Rory Matier 2011
How this piece came to be thought about and eventually written in 2011, was that l was attending a very rare night out back in 2008 with friends at a BBQ, and how the BJ as a term came into being, apart from the obvious perhaps, what was it’s history, why was it called that when it didn’t actually involve any blowing what’s so ever?
So, just a bit of bawdy humour about a funny issue … not to everyone’s taste, excuse the pun!