Dee Lish Shush! 1982 – Full Story

The Confession Series Directory

Dee Lish Shush! 1982

Dee Lish Shush! 1982 – “Dee Lish Shush!”
Dee Lish Shush! 1982 – “Oh well, live and let live!”
Dee Lish Shush! 1982 – Caramelising The Chocolate!
Dee Lish Shush! 1982 – The Night’s Young But Long!
Dee Lish Shush! 1982 – You Can Whistle, But Can You Dance?

Have you noticed how funny life can be at times?

Let’s take me and my life in 1982 … l was 19, l was working full time as a young catering manager and working a contract of 60 hours a week minimum and earning at the time £4900 a year. Every month l paid my mother  half of my take home pay for living at my parents house and this was to teach me ‘responsibility’.

In 1982, it wasn’t that l was specifically a geek, l was very confident in my job, enthusiastic and passionate about my career as an Assistant Catering Manager …. but l was quietly shy when it came to the opposite sex. l was on the cusp really of being shy and being confident with them. I was still a virgin when l was 19 – l would not lose it as they say for a couple of years.  I had had my first sexual encounter that year – and as you may have read in The First Time Tickle 1982 that didn’t go as planned – it was not a sexual ‘all the way encounter’ it was a blunder! But hey we all live and learn! 

So l was not that well schooled in so far as many things concerning sex … girls, sex with girls and so on. I hadn’t been on many dates and it was NOT that l hadn’t been on dates l had been on a few. But looking back to all those years ago, l was a little old fashioned,  and worked on the romantic conventional platform of ‘dating’. My parents at the time had a very distinct path for me … meet girl, fall in love, marry girl, have sex, have children, buy house and live happily ever after……. which is all well and good, but NO one asked me what l thought of that configuration!

I was thinking l am only 19 going on 20, what do l want to screw my life up for this early and get married??

Mine for 1982, was work, work, work, work, work, career, career, career, earn money, earn money, ear … what? Girls, yeah what of them? I knew they were out there, of course l did … but l was not really hyperfocused on that. My friends were always trying to get me on double dates and occasionally l agreed, but l struggled as l didn’t really have anyone to take on a double date with me, and my college friends were all busy or courting or … sheesh married!

It wasn’t that l didn’t have girls ask me out, apparently l was always being chatted up according to my ‘girl friends’ or the ladies who worked with me. They would tell me it wasn’t just girls of my own age chatting me up, but women double my age and older chatting me up and l was completely and utterly oblivious to their charms? In the 80’s if you were a fella being chatted up and showing no interest then it was obvious that you leaned the other way as far as people were concerned. There was never any question that you might just be girl shy or genuinely girl clumsy!

For the two years l was manager to that building, l would have to be honest and say that for a good 75% of my time there – most of the people l worked with and managed male and female considered me to be a quiet homosexual or an even quieter bisexual. I had heard the rumours and figured what was the point to dismissing them? Did it really make the slightest difference to me?

Both sexes saw me as some kind of challenge and yet all l was really bothered about, was being promoted. Dating was just one big mess and NOT one of my strongest suits. I was great with the clients and customers of the building, a very confident man, but put me in a room with girls and women and l came unstuck a little and became this strange clinical indifferent persona who just talked to them all as if they were bricks!

I couldn’t master females, they were just too far flung a project. It mattered not what books l read,  magazine articles or films l watched, l simply couldn’t understand women!

The first time tickle ironically happened as a result of this blind date in a round about way of sorts …. story of my early life way back a ways! That simple date would be the start of lust in my life. The start to a long journey into all sorts of things including fetish … who would have thought that one simple innocent blind date in 1982 for a 19 year old shy virgin … would lead to an actual date in 1984 with the same person who would then literally introduce me to a world of debauchery??


Burke was a chef where l worked and a few years older than l was [23/24], he was a really funny guy and an absolutely superb chef. But also Burke was addicted to sex. Why am l telling you this? Well because Burke was working in the right place to feed this obsession of his …. where l worked in 1982 was the Centre Halls in Woking.  It was a huge council building [local authority], that was made up of catering venues, banqueting halls and function rooms, kitchens, cinema , bars and was a huge venue at the time.

We were a busy busy venue, with nightclub functions, dinner dances, banquets, luncheons, cinema and productions – in the 80’s to be a catering manager at the Woking Centre Halls was for the right person, a really illustrious position – according to ……… Burke! To me, well l was career orientated and as far as l was concerned this was my stepping stone to greater positions.

Burke loved women, all women, and he was very persuasive with them, and the women loved him back. He was used to getting his own way – all the time, so when he didn’t get his way – a challenge was set! He regarded women as ‘ a pulse’ .. that’s all l am going to say on the subject!

I was fascinated by him, l mean good grief, he was sexuality on legs! I had to remind myself when working in the kitchens to not bend down in front of him for too long in case he thought l was fair game too! He used to joke about it as well, “Don’t linger too long in that position matey!”

Where l worked had a cinema inside the building when we didn’t have a film we had a production company holding a show, so we always had people in the building during these times … actresses and actors and stage staff and groupies – in fact there were always a lot of people involved with these productions. Burke was always surrounded by ‘pulses!!’

However, Burke had come across a bit of a hiccup. Despite his charms, there was a girl he wanted to take out and she kept on saying no to him. She worked as an office administrator for the council rather than for our own administrations in catering. Burke, once sometimes twice a week would ask this girl out and every time he did, she would simply look at him and smile and say no.

But Burke was persistent if anything, and he never gave up . One day she turned to him and basically said “Yes, but only if l can bring a chaperone with me on our date?” Burke, not willing to be outdone agreed at that time, unknowing who the chaperone was to be. His date further added, that he had to bring a date with him for her ‘friend’, that was not one of his usual friends!

“Rory, l really need your help?” Burke asked of me later that night.

“Ok, what?” I answered. Burke then explained the situation to me in all the detail he had.  I wasn’t keen, dating was a real messy situation for me anyway and not one of my strongest features, so to suddenly find myself on a blind date was simply terrifying! “So, you know nothing about this friend of your dates?”

“No mate, l’ll find out tomorrow but only if you say yes. Come on, it’ll be a laugh, you need this it’ll help with your confidence, and who knows she might be a bit of  alright!”

“Yeah okay, sure … it might be fun eh?” I answered not with 100% conviction, but l figured – Burke was right, l needed to try and explore new avenues. “You’re right – what’s the worst that can happen?”

Burke answered typically for him .. “You get laid, sounds like a fair deal to me, and it’ll prove to all the others that you’re available, you know!?”

The next day Burke, told his date to be that his mate who just happened to be the assistant catering manager of the building was there to be the date for her chaperone and who was she, so that he could tell me?

“My mother!” Was all she said.

When Burke told me this, l was aghast! “Her Mother!? How old is this girl you say, 22? I am 19, your date is older than me, so her mother has to be ancient! Oh come on, tell me this is just one big joke?”

But it wasn’t. Burke found out that Nancy’s  [his date] mother was 47 recently divorced, and just wanted a night out to relax ….. so Nancy when agreeing to Burke, figured why not? She didn’t even bat an eye when Burke told her it would be me, all she said was ‘My mother will like Rory … a lot!”

It was set up for the weekend that was approaching, dinner and a movie ….. oh no, l was terrified! But l promised Burke l would go!

That’s all l knew about Nancy’s mother ……….

The blind date double had been set up for the evening of the 28th August, l remember so clearly because there are not many days in my life that l can remember as being remarkably terrifying, so it’s not a date l forget in a hurry… I was working the morning to early evening shift, and so l took a change of clothing with me to the office. It wasn’t unusual for my parents to see me take clothing to work. Afterall l was in catering, l had to wear suits all day and black-tie tux most evenings.

I didn’t tell my parents l was going out on a date, l simply couldn’t stand all the probing questions l would have to put up with from my mother nor the usual ‘ male like’ questions from my father – the old ‘huah stick it to her’ things he used to utter! But it wasn’t just that …. more importantly l was taking someone out closer to my mother’s age and my father’s spank bank vaults!

Burke wasn’t working that day, he said he would pick me in the evening at seven and we would go to the restaurant for dinner and then off to Guildford to see ‘The Thing’ an absolutely classic movie starring Kurt Russell. I remember asking why that movie, why a horror? “Because it will creep them out mate!” He answered with a smirk and a sly laugh!

“Right, and that’s a good thing is it? To ‘creep them out?’ I asked him.

“Yep, trust me on that, you’ll get it and maybe literally!” With that he laughed.

All day through my shift l was apprehensive. Making matters worse was one of the women l worked with, Caroline – said she knew Nancy’s mother – “She’s lovely Rory, she really is! A very young-looking mother, she and Nancy are quite the pair when seen together. Her name’s Louisa. Recently divorced from her husband. I had lunch with her literally only a couple of weeks ago.  She’s very enthusiastic and bubbly, a very passionate person. She got fed up with her husband’s flirting and affairs and so she divorced him – the only downside is that she is a bit of a party girl herself and likes her drink. Her husband was younger than her by a good ten years, he wasn’t the father to Nancy …. and you are blind dating with her? Mm, tonight you say? Mm. Well that’s certainly going to test you l feel. Do you know what she does for a living?”

“No Caroline, l don’t know, l don’t know anything about her, l’ve learned more from you and l am even more apprehensive than l was before, sheesh! What does she do then?”

“She is a fashion buyer for a big London designer house. She always looks so very glam! Are you familiar with the term ‘Pussy or Pussycat?” Caroline asked.

“What like cats and kittens. I have Jasmine at home, she is my cat, l suppose you could call her a pussycat. Why?”

“So, you are not familiar with the terminology at all with regards women who like to date younger men?

“I didn’t know there was a terminology Caroline, but you date younger men. Are you a pussycat is that what you are saying? So, is Louisa a pussycat as well? Does she date younger men? I thought she was just divorced??”

“You are so naive to women Rory, it’s astonishing – how you have managed to get to where you are and not been bitten once by any cats – l told you Louisia was a party girl! Yes, l have been referred to as a pussycat, but l am more a wildcat than a mere housecat and Louisia is a wildcat too!”

All this talk of cats, pussycats, wildcats and housecats was just confusing the hell out of me. “Is she attractive Caroline, is Louisa attractive? Is she attractive?”

“Drop dead gorgeous is what she is Rory! You are in for a hell of a night!”

I got on with the rest of my day and every time l saw Caroline, she just winked and wiggled her top half at me!  Caroline was a good-looking woman, and l had seen her with younger men as well, albeit older than me, just younger than her, she flirted a lot. She was in her later fifties, and was always tanned, not nicely either, she looked like dark leather with just as many wrinkles! On a bad day she looked like a crumpled leather jacket! She walked about on ridiculously high heels for her age, and walking wasn’t the right term, more so ‘tottering’. She reminded me when she smiled of a vampire. But the men loved her, and their wives hated her.

Caroline always wore blouses a little too tight across her chest and she had to be a 36″ bust for sure – l may have been shy, but l was a breast man from school, so l knew a bit about boobs from boob observation! Her’s were 36’s and she just wore her blouses too tight, too open and with the bra style if she was leaning over you, all you saw was white teeth and dark boobs!

But my boss, Tom he thought she was brilliant, she and her sister Jenny  [year younger] were like twins in many respects, they were great ‘old school’ waitresses … but above everything – they were actually nice ladies, as long as you didn’t mind your bottom being spanked, patted and pinched and or your nipples tweaked beneath your shirt! A favourite trick of Caroline’s was to walk into the walk-in freezer without a bra and come back out ……….  [Oh yes things like that are not acceptable these days, but back then, they were fun, and a hell of a learning curve!]

Finally, my shift was coming to an end.  So, grabbing my change of clothes l hit the showers and got ready for my night. As l was finishing up, l was standing naked in front of the mirror shaving when Caroline walked in!! “Oh, hello Rory, don’t you look nice   …. all naked and even more naked?”

I didn’t have time to grab my towel, and l had a sneaky suspicion l might not have been able to get to it in time, seeing as she was standing right beside it and looking at it, then glancing at me. Luckily l have never really been shy about my body so l just thought” Sod it!” Own it. “Hey Caroline, fancy seeing you here? I am just getting ready for my blind date.”

“Mmmmmmmm … ” Was all she said running her tongue over her lips, before catching herself and continuing … “I have just spoken to Louisa, Burke just picking them up now, and so they’ll be on their way! I think Louisa has had a drink or two!!”” Was all she said and with a quick naughty giggle slapped my bare behind and walked out laughing – l could hear her all the way down the corridor!

“Shit, a drink or two – is that bad? I mean why would Caroline say it like that. How would you know if someone has had two drinks? Does she sound drunk after just two or is she all …. stop, stop this now Rory. Get dressed, relax, enjoy the evening!”

Despite everything, l did dress up well. I had a 28 waist when l was 19, and a size 42 chest, l was shaped in some respects like a torpedo, and all the girls when they saw me in my tuxedo always commented on my smackable bum – and the advice l was given even then was to dress to the advantage. I always had to look smart for work, back then tardiness and untidiness was NOT part of my wardrobe. I bought clothing for my job with the money l had left over after paying board to my parents. I always wore smart casual wear; l didn’t own any jeans or anything of that nature for going out in only for roughing it. So that night, l was wearing some nice tight Italian cut trousers, a silk shirt and a good quality casual jacket.

Walking towards the front exit of the halls, l knew l looked good, l was wolf whistled by both sexes, now that’s a compliment. Once out, l walked down the driveway forecourt and found Burke waiting for me.

“Hey Rory, you look great, which is just as good. Louisa suggested that we go dancing after the restaurant and not see a film. Nancy and l are cool with that, you do know how to dance don’t you?”

I looked at Burke, he looked good, he was dressed to the nines and tens and elevens in trousers and a waistcoat with an open chested shirt, l could see why the girls liked him so much when he was not dressed in kitchen whites and checks!

“Dancing? Yes, of sorts, l think l can manage that. What’s she like, this Louisia Burke?”

“Well there she is check her out yourself!” He answered pointing to someone emerging from the back of the car….

My jaw dropped to the floor, and l think my eyes popped out on their stalks as l took her in … “Oh, Oh my, oh my goodness!!”

In order to best describe Louisia, l think some more in depth background is required ..

This was a woman who would be in my life for a good few years on and after this date, not that l knew that back then that night as l admired this woman slowly and deliberately easing herself out of the car -she would become a mentor for me in time for many things and not just how to be and behave with women, she would come to explain women to me and what they liked and disliked, in time she would become a lover, and a good friend and both, she would never become the conventional partner as such, but we were involved with each other off and on for a good ten years. She taught me things that not many women teach men and that those unlearned men might well stumble around their entire life never knowing.

This was a woman who would have been easily described as not just a party girl or a milf but a true cougar – this feline beauty oozed sex appeal – not the pretend kind that some women think they have and not the kind that men splash out as a compliment to get a woman between the sheets either … no, Louisia oozed the natural kind, the kind that the true sex bombs didn’t have to spell out to announce their arrival – it was the kind that carried into the air a scent of its very own. It charged the air around you and her with this consuming sultry electricness…. that was Louisia.

Louisia would become a deliberate stranger to me in the role of seductress – she would say “Rory, strangers always remain sexy and you always want to be with a stranger!”

She was right about that, she would be a woman of mystery who changed constantly pending her mood and every time she changed she taught me something new about her, about me and about other women.  Once she was in my life she made a huge and significant difference to the way l dressed, spoke and acted to people, but especially to women …. Louisia taught me how to be confident with them in the right way.

Once l had met her, l would forever always and only date attractive women – a lot of people get this detail mistaken for aesthetically attractive and that’s not what l mean .. sure l have dated and escorted pretty women, l have bedded beautiful women, l have had great sex with gorgeous women but l have only been involved with attractive women, as in there is always something else about them apart from sometimes the blatantly obvious.

The woman that unfurled from the car that night, blew my socks off – her daughter was remarkably attractive as was, but the daughter’s mother was something else! People used to say my mother was attractive and she was, but Louisia well, that was a completely different ball game, the artist snapped the brush after painting her.

She had this incredible self awareness to her lithe movement, her confidence was like a prowess in itself and when added to her smile – well, it could have been awkward had l not just started to think about a brick wall which was an emergency thing for me if l thought parts of my anatomy were about to let the side down for the team!

I have only ever known two women in my life to have that instant ‘stand to attention’ effect on me – one was Louisia and the other is Suze.

She looked good in anything she ever wore, anything as well as nothing, she always looked good, hell she could look good in a scruffy outfit, she had a certain panache  .. the other thing that was incredibly sexy about her was she told me to always be honest – to be completely open, which was a bonus because l was always being told off by others for being too honest and yet l thought being honest was a good thing – Louisia explained to me that being open and honest was a very nice trait to possess l am still open like a book even today .. some legacies just live long after the teachings  – she said openess was a real gift… she wasn’t wrong.

Louisia was wearing, which were very popular at the time in the 80’s a black lace and jersey figure hugging dress with the ra ra skirt which was just above her knee and on her feet she had bright yellow and black boots! In truth, whilst at first glance when she got out of the car, l had noted the figure huggingness of the dress, it was as she walked towards me that l noticed her boots! They weren’t a boot like a Doc Martin, they were a fancy boot like a suede cowgirl boot that l was accustomed to seeing on Dolly Parton!

Louisia was ‘drop dead gorgeous’ – there was no denying that, she had great legs, and a fabulous figure and the dress hugged her not too tightly, but just right where it needed to hold and hug her curves

By the time she had walked the twenty or so feet from the car to where l stood and introduced herself to me and gave a twin peck on the cheeks [and time had stopped standing still], a trend that was big in London and gently pushed my chin up to join the top half of my jaw, l had regained my composure and smiled!

“Well, if l knew nothing else about you Rory, l would happily wake up to one of those smiles each and every day for the rest of my life, are you ready for some fun tonight??” She asked holding her hand out to mine. Just like that, Louisia, was always direct and to the point – she knew what she wanted in her life and she went out to get it – l would learn that marriage was just not for her anymore, that her recent divorce would be the last one she would ever have and that proved to be totally true.

Louisia came to realise that she wanted to explore as much to life as she could and that she would ‘never tie herself down to one man’ ever again and NEVER anyone of her own age again, always would she bed younger men! My life was set to change in extraordinary ways due to this woman and women like her…..

“Yes, most assuredly !” I answered with more confidence than l felt … but with this woman, l did feel strangely confident, something l had never felt before. There was something in the air that night, as Louisia and l sat in the back of the car whilst Burke drove us to the restaurant and she had her hand resting gently on my upper … inner thigh and smiling a knowing smile at me and teasing a strange giggle between her lips!

“What kind of dancing do you like Rory? Horizontal or vertical?” She asked.

Well l know l was naive back then, but l figured no one could possibly dance horizontally and told her so.

“Oh well then, l guess we will have to see won’t we?” With that, the teased giggle became a very seductive laugh and she smiled again and oozed her natural sexuality towards me. I smiled back, it was the only thing l could think of doing. We had just arrived at the restaurant … “Have you been drinking?” I asked.

“Yes, l have but l can hold it, like l can hold lots of things, so worry not, come on let’s go, l am absolutely starving. I need to eat and get my energy levels super charged for tonight – you should eat well too, you are going to need your stamina with me!”

Burke and l worked for a family run catering business that operated within council run buildings and in Guildford they had their catering in the Civic Hall where l would eventually manage in 1985 and they ran the catering operation for the Yvonne Arnaud Theatre which had a restaurant attached – which l can’t remember if back then it was called as it is today the Riverview Restaurant – it may well have been, it was the first and LAST time l was ever there. I never worked the restaurant, l only ever found myself managing the bars in the theatre complex itself, however it’s still nearly forty years ago, things change.

Whilst l had been out for ‘dinner’ before it wasn’t my forte, well let’s face it … l had been out for ‘dates’ but not specifically dinner dates and not usually in fancy restaurants and not usually … okay never with women of Louisia’s age and most assuredly l had never been on a double date with mother and daughter let alone a double date with a mother and daughter with the former reputedly there as a chaperone to her daughter! If l had thought l was nervous or … apprehensive in the car … l was about to learn that they were nothing!

I knew more about banqueting layout plans, catering, cutlery and menues than l knew about about women – however this too was about to change. In the years that followed that date Louisia and l would laugh about that first night out… she would go on to teach me about all sorts of things – the finer and intricate arts of women, eating out and ‘other things’, that one doesn’t normally ‘just learn’ without years and years of hands on experience. She was above everything else a very patient  and highly skilled teacher!!

Louisia was also a skilled and experienced diner and knew her way around more than just male thighs l found out! She suddenly declared to us all as we sat down that evening, that she would treat us and would cover everything with her business account and with that she said that as it was going to be a special promising night out that we could drink and eat what we so wished. She looked at me and winking, said “I like eating you know, l like sampling different foods and things!” With that she promptly leaned forwards and kissed me on the mouth!

To say l was astonished was an understatement – and l had to suddenly start thinking of brick walls again … sadly back in those days l had a problem with ‘functioning’ or rather restraining certain functionality! In truth, l haven’t much changed, but these days there is usually a reason l wear longer jumpers when out with Suze than just liking them, plus l can now arrange my body language more appropriately too!

It would be safe to say that Louisia was very much a man’s woman – she would even go on to say that she likened herself to Mae West and admired her spunk, and had a thing for spunk which wasn’t lost on even lil ol’ naive me at the time! She preferred the company of men over women and had more male friends than female ones and even had more male employees working for her on her team than women. She knew what she wanted and whilst l tried all night to be polite and diplomatic, she wasn’t having any of that and every time l looked across at Burke he was just smiling at me and smirking whilst running his hands over her daughter of which she wasn’t worried by that and neither was her mother?

I gave up thinking of those damn walls during the main course, Louisia had her right hand constantly on my left thigh and knew exactly what was going on down there and would occasionally manipulate her fingers into a sly ‘itsy bitsy’ spider movement! I would smile and gently move her hands off, but as soon as l did that, they were back! In the end l just thought ‘Oh well!” It’s not that l hated it, but l could see my area manager who was restaurant manager for the night looking at me from the reception desk looking at me quizzically and mouthing “How You??” Awarding me a silent thumbs up!

Probably the only time he ever complimented me on my performance whilst l worked for him in that company was whilst l was receiving some kind of fabric handjob under the dining table cloth! He certainly never praised me years later on with the safe incident in the Civic Hall!!

In all the night was ‘sort of okay’ , that hand action aside and it was only during desserts that l think l became seriously red faced .. l don’t embarass easily and the amount of times it has happened  – well l still can’t turn down all digits on one hand. But the thing that got me so red faced , speechless and all sorts of crazy at once was when after we had between us demolished perhaps four bottles of red wine, that Louisia who ‘sure’ could hold more drink than l could was slightly tipsier to my already practically drunk.

I was not a big drinker in 1982 and so it didn’t take a lot to drink me under the table, not that l would have taken that challenge on board in the first place because l wasn’t a drinker – but you know, isn’t it funny how when you are having a meal that you can drink and eat and NOT know how it affects you until it does?

If l thought l was ”’tipsy”’ bordering on way worse, l came to realise that we all were and l was suddenly thinking how on earth we were going to get home? There was no way l was going to get into a car with Burke who looked sober, but l knew wasn’t and when l raised that question – he slurred in answering and said “Taxi Rory, panic not already organised everything with Pete [who was a kitchen porter we both knew who worked the restaurant] He’ll drive the car home for me .. but l have a sneaking suspicion l’ll not be home tonight and there is a goodly chance neither will you be either!”

“What, what do you mean l’ll not be home, where am l going to be?” I asked .

Louisia answered for me, “We can share a taxi or you can spend the night at ours …” More winking followed by a more than gentle nudge in the middle of both thighs! “However, we have desserts yet to come and then we will be dancing and who knows what the night’ll bring after that?”

“Sure, that’s fine Louisia, no problem at all.” I answered with more confidence than l felt.

The dessert trolley came around and l discovered that Louisia and her daughter alike had very sweet tooths.  I have a sweet tooth, and back in those days l had eyes way bigger than my stomach! It was a tough choice, the trolley had nearly 30 assorted sweets and desserts to choose from and in the end, we all agreed to share a huge knickerbocker glory!

Four long spoons later and a huge, l mean HUGE dessert arrived on the table and we all tucked in …. it was great!  But it was here that l truly discovered Louisia’s playful childlike fun behaviour and more so when she started in a slightly louder voice than l would have preferred describing how she liked to lick ice cream off certain parts of the male body and anatomy whilst looking directly at me and licking her spoon seductively! It was at this point, that l believe the term ‘beetroot face’ came into play and would stick with me for a good year afterwards as a nickname!

Years on from that moment, she and l would deliberately play that game in restaurants in London as a giggle to see how long it took for the manager to step in and suggest we lower our voices! But 1982 was not 1985 onwards!

John the restaurant manager and my and Burke’s boss tolerated her raised voice for as long as he could. The restaurant enjoyed quite a few well heeled clients as well as celebrity patrons  … well he stepped in to the conversation, bent down, smiled and said “Listen guys l do find this funny personally, and just to see Rory squirm like he is doing is making my night … but we have the Chief of police of Surrey in tonight with his family and he is looking fit to arrest you all – so can you quiet it down please?”

“Absolutely John not a problem, sorry.” I answered quickly and John walked away.

Louisia smiled and leaned into me and whispered … “Mm, that needs to change Rory, you should be more relaxed and not so much a yes man, but on the other hand l do like men who say yes quickly too!” With that she dropped her spoon of whipped sundae into my lap!!

Before l could even react she was down beneath the table and trying to lick it off!

I was mortified and quickly got up and made my way to the men’s room with Louisia laughing behind me and before l reached the door to the toilets, Burke was beside me saying he would join me and ‘freshen up.’

Inside he just laughed his socks off whilst l attended to my trousers.

“Rory you so need to chill, you are in my son, well in. She is totally into you 100%! She has just said she is going to pay the bill and we are going to head off to Cinderellas for dancing and drinking! The nights young my friend, the night’s young but long!”

In 1982, l was 19 – l was quietly confident with life, although l was buoyantly confident with my job – because l knew it so well, there wasn’t much that got past me …. BUT with life outside of work, people, friends and members of the opposite sex l was somewhat of a dunce – nerd, geek, boffin whichever term sits with you best – fact is around the opposite sex l was somewhat shy. Although l discovered that with a little bit of drink inside me l could be me – the real me – drink relaxed me and coming from a guy who struggled to be relaxed this is saying something.

I didn’t need to be drunk, l just needed to have the edge taken off to feel a bit more human – at 19, this is years and years before l would discover my Asperger’s or my autism diagnosis at 44 – l was used to wearing masks when at work to cope with people and life – but l never really drank back then, not to excess anyway – l had a couple of accidents with drink and tended to steer clear of the devil liquor! But that night, the company l was with, the ambience and the drink in a warm restaurant followed by a brisk walk up to the nightclub in the fresh air … well my life started to change THEN!

I have experienced quite a few awakenings during my life, more than the average it would be safe to say – and l can remember them all clearly, but the 1982 one – was disturbingly and significantly distinct – it was like l had shed my skin like a snake – l was an innocent Gecko and changed into a California Gartersnake! Before the end of that decade l would change my skins several times and not all of them were vibrantly colourful.

As far as dancing went, l had a couple of times danced in the local disco, but l was considered a weird dancer, my legs were all over the place according to witnesses. People didn’t like to get too close in case a leg lashed out and snapped them beneath the knee! I had this seriously odd movement going on with my legs, l sort of ran on the spot at about 200 miles and hours with my legs nonstop. Girls didn’t like dancing with me, because l never looked at them, my eyes were always shut. I just tuned out to people when dancing and tuned into the music and danced!

What l learned that night with Louisia, Nancy and Burke was that the fact that my dancing was not ‘appreciated’ by others, and that actually l was a good dancer – that what l lacked for in eye contact l made up with groovy moves – and that was l assure you quite the boost to my confidence – in fact l was so impressed with that compliment that l danced all the night with my eyes open looking directly into the eyes of this extremely attractive older woman!

This woman, who could have been my mother, but thankfully wasn’t – because the thoughts l was having when l was next to her were not appropriate for a mother and son relationship!!

Louisia was insistent upon dancing with me all night, she taught me how to appreciate up close and personal ‘dirty dancing’  long before that was an actual thing as we would come to know it in the later 80’s! The song that l remembered most clearly from that night, as it was seemingly played a few times was …

……….. l learned that night that was a very interesting dance to it! That song didn’t do very well in the UK that year, but performed much better in 1987 , but in 1982 l have to say that Billy Idol impressed me and Louisia impressed me even more! The other song that made a significant impact on me was Hot Chocolate’s ‘It Started With a Kiss!’

It’s true – that the drink loosened me up, and in many ways l was thankful for it – l had not often seen me relaxed, nor had many other people – but they liked me when l was calmer and not so uptight and shy – l was funnier – l wasn’t so shy. From the years that followed that night, Louisia in fact allowed me to be me more often and l became more used to seeing me, that it wasn’t long before l didn’t even need to drink to be relaxed.

That night, well Burke and Nancy disappeared leaving me with Louisia all night, in the nightclub – the pair of us drinking ‘Jackie Dee’s and coke on ice’ as she called them – a real loosener and it would remain a fond favourite of mine until the later 90’s when l switched to Wild Turkey bourbon as my main go to relaxer.

When we weren’t dancing, we were sitting together in a booth just talking. Of course, she had hands that went everywhere, and the more drink l had inside me, it really didn’t matter anymore, as l had roaming hands of my own. l found out also that night, that l had a thing called hollow legs, and that drink whilst making me tipsy – would never make me drunk – considering the amount of alcohol l managed to down and drown between the 80’s and the 90’s the only time l was seriously drunk for the first time was the 1999/2000 New Year’s Eve. I also discovered that when in the hands of a ‘good woman’ l was always going to be relaxed and more importantly the real me!

I had never talked so freely nor openly to a woman and with no reservations nor hesitations. In fact no ‘woman’ had ever listened to me so intently, no one had ever laughed so genuinely with me before …but equally l had never really listened to a woman of Louisia’s age as much as l did. I had no agenda; l had no expectations – l was just totally chilled and thoroughly relaxed and for the first time in years l had felt that perhaps my life was not so bad after all. 

I learned about intimacy that night and closeness to another .. and something else, l couldn’t put my finger on it but something deeper, much deeper than purely a wild sexuality – l learned about touch and sensuality in that booth that night.

Touch, a story of discovery almost by itself!

When Burke and Nancy returned from where ever they had been, l had my suspicions judging by the look of each other’s hair and the fact that Burke’s shirt seemed to be slightly longer on one side than it had been prior to him leaving to ‘wherever’ with Nancy .. Louisia and l apparently looked like a married couple so relaxed and together were we as one couple … which was a strange thing l thought at the time for Burke to say. But when we went up to the bar, he seemed mellower than he had been before and he whispered quietly – “I think you have lost your chance mate, when l left she seemed very eager, now you look like you have been together for twenty years!”

“Is that a bad thing then?” I asked, not unduly worried.

“Well, not if you are okay with it, admittedly you look more chilled and way more chattier, don’t think l have ever seen or heard you laugh so much, so that’s not so bad. Who knows buddy, maybe you and Louisia will just be friends or just really good friends …. anyway, its drinks up and then offski. It’s nearly 2, so the time for decisions is upon us!”

I didn’t quite understand that statement admittedly, but it was soon revealed … we drank up, and left the club and then walked down to the taxi rank in town, arm in arm and all like long lost friends of years never mind being first dates and blind date chaperones.

It was decided that in fact Louisia and Nancy would go home by themselves, and Burke and l would do the same – we had it slightly easier, as we could have the taxi drop us back off at work and if needs be we could spend the night there which is what we did. Well Burke spent the night there, l went for a very long walk around the town of Woking and watched the sunriseand then walked home.

But before all that, l had what l can only class as the longest kiss goodnight l had ever experienced at that point in my life! Louisia dropped a card in my hand before she got into the taxi with her daughter and basically left me with a final kiss and a comment “If you want to really start living life, call me Monday – l think you and l have got a thing going on and l would love to explore that further – if you were to come back tonight l might spoil that!” With that crypticness, she was then gone.

In the taxi back, l had to listen to the conquests of Burke who had literally had Nancy around the back of the nightclub which certainly explained his dishevelled appearance earlier. I nodded at the right time and smiled, and laughed as one does whilst l listened at the same time to the radio in the taxi playing The One Thing by INXS!

Walking around Woking, l thought about my extraordinary night out with this marvelous woman – Louisia and l kept looking at her card and thinking about what she said …. “If you want to really start living life, call me Monday – l think you and l have got a thing going on and l would love to explore that further – if you were to come back tonight l might spoil that!”

Was l going to call her?

The End? No, it was just the beginning….

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