Working On Us – Week 14 – Relationships and Boundaries

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Working On Us – Week 14 –

Relationships and Boundaries

Beckie’s Mental Mess Weekly Prompt

Guidelines

Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.

There are no right or wrong answers.  Write in any format you see fit.  (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).

You can do one or all prompts.

You have from July 31st. through to August 6th. to submit your entries.

Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.

( If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post).

Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this week’s prompts, your viewpoint/feelings are validated here too!

Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

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How would you describe your relationships with family and friends?

In a short response – strained. My relationship with my family has always been difficult at best. This has/had arisen due to one dominant family member which was my Father. Our family 2.2 unit was dysfunctional from the word Go.  But my mother was equally as awkward a personality to get along with when l was a youngster…

However we have to take certain things into the equation ….

I am on the autism spectrum with my Aspergers and l also have Bipolar – l am formerly diagnosed with both although l only received both Dx’s in my early forties. I am an ex self harmer and had attempted suicide many times between the ages of 26 – 50, this doesn’t include three attempts in my teens which l rarely discuss these days. Self harming for me began when l was five and lasted till l was 50, which is six years ago. I have had three full mental breakdowns since my mid twenties and 2 physical breakdowns. I was diagnosed with PTSD finally in 2007.

My Father was probably on the spectrum with Aspergers but considered anyone with a disorder ‘faulty’ – he was never recognised or diagnosed. He was an abusive narcisst, sexist, chauvanist, manipulator, adulterer and an aggressive wife beater who liked to drink and had a fondness for practising mental cruelty on his wife and son. BUT he was ‘perfect’ in his eyes.

My mother was finally diagnosed with bipolar in her forties, she was a neurotic and jealous and overly clingy woman who was always ill, suffered with hypochondria most of her young to adult to even now elderly years. She was also diagnosed with Munchausen syndrome in the 80’s when we returned to England from Australia, but subjected her son [me] to Munchausen by proxy when we lived in Australia. My mother had a mental breakdown in her mid thirties and attempted suicide for attention. But my mother never accepted any of these problems and dx’s or disorders and blamed everything entirely on her husband and later her son.

My sister – well who knows – but l suspect she also sits on the spectrum somewhere – her Son is on the spectrum with Aspergers. My sister and l have not got on for too many years now, she has a judgemental opinion of me, and l don’t particularly like her either. That’s about as much as l care to say on her.

It is therefore safe to say that my relationship with my family was always at best strained and incredibly dysfunctional. We were l think one of the most unhappiest families l have ever known.

I have always experienced problems with my family, mostly trying to be a dutiful son, and many a time just giving up the pretence that we were ever a happy family.

With regards friends – well l have always had a problem with this particular subject – l understand the theory of the concept but l struggle with maintaining ‘real life friendships’. I have made myself sound terrible and l am not. I am a friendly guy, very approachable and will talk to anyone and always treat one person the same as the next, but l find ‘real life friendship’ a chore, and so whilst l have a few friends, they struggle to understand me. I cannot lay the blame completely at the door of my Aspergers as l know many would, both on and off the spectrum. Many lost friends have said l was simply too difficult to comprehend and they felt strained. These days l prefer to have online friendships because they are much easier to control and manage and the social expectations are much lower.

Have you ever had to set boundaries with family and friends?

Yes of course – but in some cases – family, that hasn’t made the slightest difference and with regards friends – once l have laid the foundation stones for boundaries many people have walked away and l haven’t bothered to chase them. I don’t have a huge expectation on real life friendships. But l am simply not bothered with being overly social because dealing with the wet patch after sex is easier than fussing over silly people and their even sillier notions of social expectations. I treat people with respect and l expect no less in return, but friendships are just overrated. The whole topic of friendship just makes me very cynical to people. Which is WHY online is more honest. I haven’t given up on friendship as a topic, but l am not willing to sell my soul to so called accepting people. With me l am who l am, if that isn’t good enough for you then we have nothing further to discuss. If l can accept another person’s quirks, why do l have to battle to have mine accepted?

Do you believe your boundaries are respected by your families and friends?

Well they weren’t, but they are now – because l have very little to do with my remaining family and have very few real life friends.

Are you treated differently because of your mental illness/disorders?

Yes many a time l have been, by family and friends – predominately family, but equally at times by friendships. I have struggles even now with people who don’t just supposedly ‘misunderstand me’ but don’t try to understand me and blame my Aspergers and in the past have laid blame at my mental health. My family ostracised me long before my twin Dx’s in my forties of Aspergers/Bipolar and that was because of my poor mental health and pre 2004. When l finally received the PTSD dx in 2007 my family further caused me grief.

Are your family and friends supportive and understanding of your mental health?

No. My parents refused to accept any of my formal disgnosis and laughed at the PTSD. Friends supportive – very few, but the friends that were, were. However, Suze has a brother who doesn’t get me and doesn’t really try but she has a cousin who is incredibly quirky, much older and absolutely fantastic, but she also has a partner on the spectrum with Aspergers and because she is quirky, and he is quirky, they are totally accepting of me and l never have to explain myself or my past to them and they accept me as l am and l them which is how friendship is actually supposed to be, but also family

Describe a “For instance” of how you handled setting boundaries with family or friends?

It was quite simple – it basically started with an F and ended with an F! “F.F.Family!”

Prompt #2 Photo:

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Describe for us what or how you feel when you see this picture?

Someone has been a little over enthusiastic with the caution tape.

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8 thoughts on “Working On Us – Week 14 – Relationships and Boundaries

  1. It would have been so helpful for many of us to sever ties with family as soon as we were able. The “duty” of family traps us in harmful relationships.

    Friendship like any relationship is a two way street. That’s why I dont have friends IRL. I dont want to give away the precious ME time to maintaining a friendship.
    Online friends are awesome! There are a few people I’d love to occasionally meet up with IRL. Maybe someday…☕

  2. Rory, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again… WE have so much in common based on our relationships with family. You and I have spoken about our fathers, and heck…they could have been twins. My brother and sister basically ostracized me, they made that perfectly clear on my last birthday. I have basically two very dear friends, one being my roommate and the other who is under the spectrum as well. I love them both, because we can all relate to one another in one fashion or the other. Plus, they respect my boundaries.
    But… Like you, I find comfort with the friends I have here on WP. Between the commonality, and loyalty, I love my WP family with my entire heart.
    I am so happy you participated this week especially, because I knew you would be quite candid in explaining your family dynamic. Again, we have so much in common with that.
    Rory, thank you so very much in sharing your story with us!!!! 😘 💚

        1. Nitro is a little bit while tonight, he’s a bit hyper but he’s going to bed now as I am I see you in the morning Rory good night sleep well XX

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