A Realistically Bleak Outlook!


A Realistically Bleak Outlook!

Is it really so wrong to write of death?
When it happens so very often?
But not just death, but the taking of life,
Suicide is so painless, but yet,
How does one know?

There is only one true way to know,
And of course if you succeed,
You may become a Jane or John Doe,
So how does anyone know the secret?
Of whether pain was indeed a true show?

There has been many a time,
I openly admit to [No, seriously l do]
When l have been at the end of my line,
And death looked deep and true,
Into my mind!

‘Tis nothing that l fear anymore,
But it is not just down to me,
Now l have to be considerate to the core,
Of my responsibility,
And not just yours!

Think it may be healthy, and not a sin,
To look seriously at life,
Knowing where you are, where you have been,
And it can be extracted with a sharp edged knife!
If you know what l mean?

Yes, for not just my sanity alone,
I have dreamt of making the final walk,
And always do l postpone,
Convincing myself it’s all just talk,
But, maybe, just perhaps Death is already home?

Indeed, there are so many reasons to just let go,
If not for peace, then just a truly final sleep,
With a small call to let them all know,
Then finally let go into the deep,
Finally resting and allowed to sleep slow,

Life is not so damningly brilliant it must be said,
But for a few reasons of love,
Do l stay safe and secure in my head,
And as such to not slide into the thereof,
Which is why l am alive and not yet dead.

© Rory Matier 2012


29 thoughts on “A Realistically Bleak Outlook!

    1. Thank you “Uncertainty” – appreciate the comment here today. Yes people do, l am a failed suicider l don’t pretend to not be. Too many attempts to take my life in truth, not healthy – but the one thing that has bitten deep and this is blunt but simple – “If l am not succeeding and trust me l have tried hard – l know this to be true, that for me personally – my numbers’ not up yet and if that is the case – fine who am l to argue?”

      Not everyone may agree with my statement, but for me after 26 attempts – so that is 26 failed attempts but 26 successes at injuring my body but not encouraging Death to take up my tenancy long term, then l think l have some right to write like this about my experience.

      From now on, life is worth the life of living, when l do go, it will be the time when l was meant to go.

      1. What’s the point of pretending on a platform you always have been yourself. If you have been through something, then sharing that experience only helps, not just you but the people reading it too.
        You have learnt a lot from these experiences and now you are seeing a change in yourself which is a huge achievement.
        I know sometimes it gets hard and sometimes we fail terribly, we don’t think of yourselves to be worthy of anything but in such moments if we hold on a little longer, we find a way to live with it or even better get over it.

        1. You are spot on, thank you – yes l have always been myself here and for me that is the only way I can be – so a salute to the good, bad and ugly side of life – without it as a learning curve, we would never truly learn 🙂

  1. It is no doubt disturbing to read this account of how you tried so many times to take your own life. But you learned that it’s not working the way you want it to. A good end, so take care. Life is a valuable gift.

  2. You encapsulate all my feelings here Rory. And I wrote about it the other day but got into deep trouble for it! Yet it is something that needs to be expressed and addressed. Great poem though sad too.

    1. Hey Lorraine, thank you – l think sadly way too many people are over sensitive about too much in life, a life that let’s be honest is way too short to not discuss things. We get to a certain age, and it’s not when we are young as we are too high spirited to think of such things, no, knowledge and wisdom come to us when we are older.

      When we have the time to sit back and reflect , and we have the experience of life to talk of such things with awareness and acceptance.

  3. Listen, you dunce
    You only die once
    It’s not somewhere you want to go fast
    Just chill out. Don’t worry
    There’s no bloody hurry
    It’s best if you leave it ‘till last

    1. Sorry to sound so trite about such a serious topic – I certainly don’t want to detract from the original important message. And the ‘dunce’ reference was certainly not directed at anyone specific.

      1. My friend, worry not – l found it funny, l wrote that piece in 2012, as a tongue in cheek piece at death, so l knew where you were coming from 🙂

        Dunce, wow, that’s a good word, it’s good to know it is still in use, l use it a lot. I met someone the other day who thought l was quite mad, and they said the word didn’t exist and l was being stupid, l had to laugh at the irony in their words 🙂

      1. You are far too kind. But it is nice, don’t you think, to find so many people around here who are ‘nice’?
        Nice people, from my limited experience. Are actually the first ones to vamish

        1. Very much so – – how are you keeping? I am horribly, horribly behind in my keeping up and catching up with reading, but how are you?

        2. I am not very diligent.

          Reading-wise, I have no obligations. I am not like you- I set myself very low standards which I consistently fail to achieve.

        3. Ha ha – l need to be more like you Brutus! I set myself tasks, then constantly fall behind, if l didn’t set the tasks l wouldn’t keep disappointing myself 🙂

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