Do You Misunderstand Me?

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Do You Misunderstand Me?

Where misunderstanding serves others as an advantage, one is helpless to make oneself understood.

Lionel Trilling

I am always being misunderstood and all the way through my years, people have jumped to the wrong conclusions or passed judgement due to misunderstanding who l am, what l have said or say, it seems to be a default trait of my personality. I used to think that perhaps it was simply the way l voiced things or acted, and then when l received my diagnosis of Asperger’s and people either knew and or didn’t know that maybe it was that?

But l think at times that some people also as the quote above displays use a form of strategy known as ‘deliberately misunderstanding you ‘on purpose’ to make you either look stupid or become flustered. Of course others find that misunderstanding you can be used as humour … l am not adverse to a bit of friendly jovial banter achieved through this.

I have very few friends in real life as in outside the bubble here at home or away from online platforms and it doesn’t bother me. Not having many friends doesn’t cause me to weep uncontrollably in the corner of some room, l simply don’t need a lot of friends to function and can keep myself more than a little occupied with other things that don’t need people. As l like to say …

Less People You Know, Less Shit You Have

Rory Matier


…. l say this because, l am seemingly misunderstood by so ‘many’ people at times, that by not mixing with them on a regular basis is just way easier … at least you’re not misunderstood!

I have lost friends [huh friends!] because they have misunderstood me as a person, which they have accused the Asperger’s directly because of it. I don’t agree with that, l am a very open person, but at my own concession l can come across as both confusing and perplexing inthe same breath at times. I am also very honest, l don’t lie because l am terrible at lying, and don’t honestly see the point to lies. By lying l mean real nasty lies, l don’t mean little white lies to preserve a situation [although l suck at those as well!!]. But because l am very open and very honest seemingly people have problems with this and they then throw in the term, “I don’t understand you!!”

Which can be very confusing admittedly, that people still fail to understand me when l am being brutally honest. Personally, l think this is a falsehood and part of this so called ‘deliberately misunderstanding you ‘on purpose’ strategy that people are quick to adopt when caught on the hop, or you have caught ‘them’ out!

People constantly say they misunderstand me as a person because of my Aspergers, because of the way l act, or speak or just be! It’s probably a case of mixed signals. The reasons l am so often misunderstood or misinterpreted  and so on are usually …

Through my spoken word – l try when ever and where ever possible to say exactly what l mean and mean what l say, but occasionally my body language portrays differently to some people. But still …

Through my written word – yes at times l can understand that misunderstanding, it’s something l have internal conflicts over and more a case of literally My Aspergers Brain vs. My Neuro brain. I see things differently with one side of my brain in comparison to the other side of the brain – usually it is a case of l place my words gramatically in different line ups to how others might do so in a sentence, mostly it is unimportant but occasionally it has caused problems.

My behaviours – traits of my personality conflict with how people see me behave – so their natural assumption instead of purely asking for clarity is to further assume that l am being ‘offish’ with them, whereas l might be simply offish with something in the environment.

My sociality – l can be very social, in fact l am more socially confident than many others, more so than Suze as an example but just because l am able to speak to strangers and treat them all as equals isn’t a bad thing and yet in the past people have said that l am being too friendly? [No winning with society at times l feel!]

My speaking vs another’s listening skills – I don’t think l have an odd way of speaking but others have implied there is something wrong with the way l speak … l can’t explain it much more than that, l try to speak clearly and not mumble, and others mumble instead of speak clearly and l struggle with hearing what they are saying, then the mumblers say that l am just being awkward and they can’t understand me?

My hyperfocus – a lot of people struggle with this trait of mine. If l am focused , l am hyperfocused on achieving results – it’s that simple – why do something only half heartedly and yet, l have had people throw at me the term again of misunderstanding me and my ability to pay attention to them.

My silence – just because l have a mouth, and have the ability to speak, doesn’t always mean l just speak all the time about absolute sweet F all as so many do these days. So there are times when l opt for silence over unnecessary waffling! BUT, once more apparently this causes a whole lot of misunderstanding!

But these are my main areas where people are oft prone to misunderstanding me, how about you?

We are infected by our own misunderstanding of how our own minds work.

Kevin Kelly

What do people constantly misunderstand about you?

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27 thoughts on “Do You Misunderstand Me?

  1. People misunderstand me all the time too Rory, but not because of Aspbergers. I too am brutally honest. Don’t know if that is the reason but I reckon it figures in it. I am misinterpreted all the time here in WordPress and it gets my goat! Bthen I get mad lol. I think I have lost a lot of readers that way, but I think that both here on WP and in what I wilk calk real life, people have their own agendas.

    My husband was told on avfew occasions by counsellors etc that he may welk be autistic. Mikdly so. His body language does not match up to what is being said, either. I am used to it, but others aren’t. We don’t have friends either. It just is that way. We’re used to it!

      1. I was just thinking about that Rory, after I made my response to you. Yes maybe some people are too sensitive in the opinion of others, but that CAN be a get out. Not saying it akways is because somenpeoole do take offence very easily. I know that, for instance, in an abusive relatiinship, the words “You are too sensitive’ can be an avoidance of responsibility. Or in any relationship really. But I guess that’s not what we’re talking about. I have to think about this one, and could probably write loads on it but won)t lol. Ok so, yes, I guess for myself, I can dowithout friends to some defree, but not completely.

  2. Oh Rory, it happens to me very often too and yes, I do believe is false and they do it on purpose, because oh my if I’m brutally honest too….I never understood why people need to lie? I’m not able to do it and in the end I’ve got used to it….but people don’t like the truth so for this reason they say they misunderstand me or they don’t understand me….but that’t their problem…
    I don’t have many friends outside there either but I don’t feel the need of having more than I already have…I’m very good with myself and with my “social” life …then I don’t think can be called “friends” the ones that are not anymore “friends” because of Asperger….a friend is a friend, no matter what…

    1. Hey Ribana, totally agree with you, people have gotten so used to lying and providing ‘lip service’ to people they don’t know what the truth is anymore.

  3. I won’t say all the time but sometimes when I am dealing with family, my concerns are interpreted as trying to control them or take over their lives.

    1. Hey Sadje, yes , Suze sometimes gets that [l mean admittedly Suze does have a controlling aspect to her, but she doesn’t trying to deliberately do it, she is offering advice]

  4. My sarcasm gets me in trouble sometimes. A lot of people can’t tell when I’m joking. It’s why I started using emojis in text messages, now here too.

    My goofiness makes people think I’m stupid so they dont take me seriously. Or they try to take advantage of me.

    If I’m quiet, people think I’m angry.

    I am honest too. I dont always volunteer information or my opinion, but if asked I will give an honest answer. I expect honesty in return. I can usually tell when someone is lying to me. Mostly in person, but sometimes in writing too.

    I know my girls deliberately misunderstood me when they were younger. Teenagers…comes with the territory I guess. I dont have much interaction with people off line these days, so the misunderstandings are few.

    I agree that some people deliberately misunderstand to take advantage. I dont know if people are getting ruder or if I just notice it more, but there are lots of really awful people.
    Luckily, there are wonderful, supportive, caring people to balance it out.

    1. Hey GM, l think you are actually spot on, l actually do believe that there is a change is graciousness these days – and not so much we notice it more as we get older – more a case of people simply not always bothering to be polite and courteous.

  5. What do people constantly misunderstand about you? How strong I am. I heard just recently in fact another who says I’m ‘strong’. I’ve overcome loads, it’s true, but all that has done for me (inside where it counts) is to terrify me even more. More stress. Nobody seems to see the cracks in my facade and know that the right blow would shatter me completely. Yes I’m a survivor. And yes that takes strength. But to me? It doesn’t make me strong. (we’re talking emotionally and psychologically, not physically). Anyone suggesting I’m physically strong would get laughed out of the room. And I shower each day, so body odor isn’t a factor in strong either. 😛 Great question! I may shanghai it for next week’s SYW if that’s okay?

  6. I’ve definitely misunderstood you a few times when reading your posts 🙂

    I misunderstand people all the time, and not just because my brain sometimes scrambles what they’re saying.

    People are very complex beings, just as we are ourselves.

    I think the most important thing is to realise that we’re probably misunderstanding them just as we think they’re misunderstanding us. I find that helpful. Everyone wants to be understood and everyone struggles with being understood.

    I used to want people to understand me, and struggled a lot with the idea that I was constantly being misunderstood.

    But then several things occurred to me as I pondered the puzzle.

    It occurred to me that it wasn’t anyone’s responsibility to understand me. It’s my responsibility to understand myself… and that’s taken me decades to do, so it’s kind of not going to be easy for anyone else to do that. It’s also my responsibility to simplify myself and make myself easy to understand when I need to be understood by someone else… mostly I don’t need to be understood by anyone except myself and even that isn’t always a must.

    Besides others are trying to understand themselves, and that takes up a lot of time, effort, and mind space. They’ve got their own personal puzzles to solve.

  7. Nice post Rory, aw ya people don’t like it when you’re brutally honest with them I’ve been told many a times I’m to brash because of that.


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