Journal Entry – The Positive Brain

The Positive Brain …

… How Secure Are You In You?

Journal Entry -The Positive Brain Directory

Once a week, almost religiously l ask myself two main questions:

“Rory , why do you maintain a blog?” and  “Rory , how secure are you in you?”

Every week without fail for the past eighteen months l have asked myself these two questions. I will not lie, there have been times when l have answered myself with “I honestly don’t know and l guess l am pretty goodish!” To other weeks when l am bouncing off the walls excitedly and answer “Because l enjoy the experience and Fucking Awesome that’s how l feel!”

One question is purely a ‘trying to understand my identity and reasoning whilst the other is to test the waters of where l am in the self – confidence levels!”

In the last six months specifically, with regards the first question l have on occasion seriously contemplated just completely deleting my blog – not through depression or anything of that nature, but principally through outside factors and because ‘logically’ l could not effectively answer the ‘1st Question’  properly?

The second question is pretty straight forwards for me – how secure am l in myself?


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it.

Eleanor Roosevelt

Well out of 100% l start my day at Neutral 50% =. In fact last week when l asked the question The Positivity Check Daily Check In! Two readers came back with what l would class as a Neutral 50% answer, and it is a good starting point to each day. It’s sustainable for starters. It means you are neither positive or negative, but if anything you are neutral – a see how the day swings response.

Of course for me and my personalised favourite of Neutralism Plus, a Neutral 50% = can still work both ways it can be a Neutral 50% + or a Neutral 50% – or in even simpler terms we have N-50% or N=50% to N+50%.

But most days l awaken to a more realistic N=50%. At least with this % l usually have the option to improve my levels of positivity and confidences for the day.

Yesterday l was in a good mood, but a series of “What Now?’ Distractions turned what would be a good morning into a terrible morning and towards the middle of the day l had a thermonuclear meltdown and went from 0% to 100% volatility with my bank about a mistake they made, that they should never have made and this really ruined a good portion of my day and threw me off my stride considerably.


“Sometimes the questions are complicated, and the answers are simple.”

Dr. Seuss

Basically my bank allowed a fraudster to somehow use my account to pay for an online holiday of well in excess of £10,000.00!

My bank who has been my bank for 20 plus years, and knows how my spending works, and who specifically guided me to establish safety nets as security precautions to avoid this kind of nonsense allowed this online transaction to go through ‘unchallenged??’ All my security measures were breached, and despite the system knowing l have never in 20+ years ever made a purchase transaction of that size – they let it go through. Well to say l was a tad fucked off is an understatement – l actually went ballistic at them for their absolute incompetence.

Now within an hour and a half of being on the phone to them and going through my security questions, they had recognised that l was not the buyer of the lavish holiday, that l had never bought anything for that kind of money and l was who l said l was! Which was gratifying, but l counter challenged them, and said that only last week l had bought myself a couple of online courses and because it was from a seller my bank didn’t recognise. The bank ‘correctly challenged it’ denied the sale until l could verify l was the buyer. The bank performed that over the small sum of £80? Which l felt was somewhat excessive, but that is my bank with their new online security measures.

In the last couple of months the correct system has requested verification from me for the purchase of my new computer and my iPad Mini both of which came to around £2000.00 total  so my bank correctly challenged me on these sums and yet with regards the horrendously large sum of what the holiday came to via the fraudster – no challenge whatsoever!?  The bank just happily paid out this incredibly large sum of money like as if  l was asking if l could use their toilet quickly?


It’s not the situation, but whether we react negative or respond positive to the situation that is important.

Zig Ziglar

So this affected me quite significantly yesterday, as said it completely took me off my game for a while … there were other issues that were contributitive towards dampening my day  – from silly things like a wall scheduler not staying on a wall despite measures to ensure it would stay up, to the ongoing stress of Scrappy and her ailments and also the ongoing stress of Suze still being unwell – all perfectly manageable normally – but with the big financial issue, this really made the day terrible.

Okay, fine it should be sorted by now and due to it being a weekend, the returned money should be visible again from tomorrow. I had to increase the security again on my account, get rid of all my cards and await new ones to be sent out. However, there is to be an investigation to their system as to how that transaction didn’t ring ANY alarm bells with high tech digital security on my account? But it shook me and my confidences and my ability yesterday, l started to really doubt myself. 


“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all. In which case, you fail by default.”

J.K. Rowling

But l do try to be positive on a regular basis and l can bounce back pretty quickly. I identified that my stress was justifiable and that understandably it was somewhat unsettling, but could l find some positives from the negativity and utilise them for my benefit?

So l started reverse engineering the whole process … l could be thankful for the following  … 1] that l do keep a very tight reign on my finances, as in l know the ins and outs to a penny of my banking and can recognise a problem [although you would have to be seriously inept to not see that kind of colossal figure missing from your accounts] and 2] that l was able to react quickly to the problems in comparison to say being a person who doesn’t check their finances once every couple of days in their account and 3] despite the post fraud advice that must be offered by banks following this kind of incident that all the advice offered l was not failing in – ultimately still unsure how this even happened in the first place, it just made me think – that despite being security conscious l would have to be even more dilligent.


“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”

Albert Einstein

It was during the reverse engineering process that l recalled the wall scheduler and my time ideas for my blog plans both business and personal that l chanced upon an epiphany or a discovery within my brain and l thought apart from the invasion of both security and privacy of your banking, why were you so angry about all of this? I was angry because it stopped my day and filled it with stress and the swine had bought a rich and lavish holiday??

I found that l was envious – yes – envious of the thought that someone was planning to utilise my savings on a holiday for whoever when Suze and l could have spent that kind of money should we have wished for a holiday for ourselves. Strange thinking perhaps? Maybe, and yet it served me really well as a positivity booster to remind me of what l was and l am doing with my life.

I cannot explain the epiphany and how it brought me to where l am today, sitting here typing, but the key words of yesterday were Time, Stress and Enjoyment.  I am doing all of these things because l want more time, less stress and more enjoyment – the ultimate present for yourself is to be able to enjoy options in your life. We all want choices. Choice to be able to achieve accomplishments, we want to be able to thoroughly enjoy our time and we all want no stress.


“A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them”

John C. Maxwell

The fraudster and their attempt to swindle me was almost like a message from the Universe to remind me to look at things and how l was approaching them and ‘Think Smarter!’.  So yesterday, l stopped dead in my tracks and started to really think about what l was doing with my – Life, Time, Choices and more importantly my Dreams?


Once a week, almost religiously l ask myself two main questions:

“Rory , why do you maintain a blog?” and  “Rory , how secure are you in you?”

Rory Matier

I Blog …..

Because l seriously enjoy the whole experience – my blog is about story telling my life to my readership, this means they see the good, bad, ugly, depressed, cynical equally as much as they see the happy and positive me, they see all of me.

It means l can express myself and share who l am.

Because l am trying to make a difference to not just others who read my written words, but also me inclusive, l am trying to make the biggest differences to me.

l like to entertain readers and if l can make them smile or laugh or respond emotionally  because of my tales and stories and general writings then that makes my day.

l like to inspire people where l can.

Here l have a community and a sociality of like minded people unlike anything in real life!

l want more from my life, l want to learn more about not just me, but others to. I want  choices and l want options.

Because it is always a learning experience.

But mostly l blog, because l seek inner balance to who l am, and this in turn allows me to discover more of who l am, and all l can be.


Today l awoke with my usual N=50% but now l am N+75% and l am feeling good about life again!

A Guy Called Bloke Banner My Journal the Positive Brain

However, how about you? Why do you blog?


18 thoughts on “Journal Entry – The Positive Brain

  1. In my WP reader, just below this post of yours is a post with the title – Metabolizing the Experience – it’s about taking the time to digest life experiences, emotions, thoughts, etc, in a similar manner to the way our body takes time to digest and assimilate food.

    Here’s an excerpt:

    “While the longing for transformation is noble, if we are not careful it can serve to reinforce circuitries of self-abandonment and unconscious psychic materialism. One of the shadow sides of seeking and the (seemingly) endless project of self-improvement is that we never slow down enough to digest what we have already been given, which is often much more than we consciously realize. Which, in some sense, is everything.

    Not the “everything” the mind thinks it needs to be happy, found by way of “mastering” a journey of internal and external consumerism. Not the “everything” that conforms to our demand that we always feel safe and invulnerable, or free from the raging implications of what it means to have a human heart.

    But the “everything” that is already here as part of our ensouled essence, the raw materials for a life of inner abundance, creativity, and meaning.”

    by Matt Licata, featured on Astrodynamics.

    Thought it kind of went well with what you’ve shared.

    As for your moments of considering blogicide – that’s part of the blogging experience, especially once you’ve been doing it for a while, particularly if you’ve been doing it non-stop and are experiencing blogger burnout. Most seasoned bloggers have blogicided at least once, often more than once.

    Take good care of yourself, Rory 🙂

    1. Hey Ursula, many thanks for the fabulous response.

      Oh l don’t doubt how many bloggers must think or perform blogicide daily, weekly , monthly or yearly – the figures must be staggering.

      I am not going to do that anymore, but l was thinking of it in the last 6 – 12 – 18 months for sure. But no, l am good and more so thanks to this thing of yesterday. It awarded me some clarity in something which was a great heads up to something completely different 🙂

      A terrific find indeed, almost another Universal energy of sorts 🙂 Thank you – this also just sums up the clarity that yesterday delivered – so l genuinely appreciate this response, more than you might know, or alternatively exactly as you think l would have – tis true fits in beautifully 🙂

      1. If you pop “blogger burnout” into Google there are a couple of excellent posts about it. The one from Problogger is very good, he speaks from 16 blogging years of personal experience. That’s quite ancient in blog years.

        Considering deleting your blog tends to be a cyclical thing – it’s sort of personal code for having run out of steam and needing a break. Time to step away from the blog for a bit and recharge. Especially when you put a lot of yourself into it.

        I’ve seen a lot of blogs come and go since I’ve been on WP, they often start off like gangbusters and then the energy peters out and radio silence… it helps to learn to pace yourself, know your own and your blog’s biorhythm 🙂

        1. For me, it’s more a case of balancing between the personal side and the professional side. This blog’s not going anywhere, not just yet. I tend to look at it more as a case of whether it makes sense for more reasons than l have listed here 🙂

          Plus l am not burnt out, not yet – it is just that l am as you say finding my pace … but more importantly understanding what l am doing and where my priorities are 🙂

  2. I started my blog as a journal and a place to meet other people with situations/thoughts similar to mine. I’d say I’ve succeeded in my original goal.

    I’m still spamming comments more than posting but I’m working on that.

    Boy oh boy, a £10,000 vacation would be fantastic right about now. I probably wouldn’t take the vacation the fraudster planned but that’s enough money to get lost in some interesting places.

    1. Well l have not revealed the true figure but yes, let’s just say that the fraudster had they got away with that would have been travelling to some very exciting places. I would have lost my inheritance and my nest egg for the future for Suze and l. BUT, it made me realise my 2020 priorities again, and allowed me to refocus on 2019 again.

      As l have just written to Sadje, it was like coming out of a Top Gun spin – so rather bizarrely it was a good thing to have happened.

      But today l have now managed to put properly into action the way l need to carry on and to remember to enjoy life – l think with Scrappy it was taking me down a peg or two but also l am struggling with Suze and it is because of her, why l made the decision to do what l am starting to do training wise, because it pains me that l cannot help her sufficiently at present.

        1. Yes precisely – l can manage most things, but when outside influences start to bog you down, it becomes harder sadly, so l have had to make some harder decisions on time 🙂

  3. Nobody can be 100% secure and sure of themselves all the time. The circumstances throw us out of our zone and it’s our job to find the equilibrium. I am glad that you have found yours after that shock. Good direction to take. I am usually sure of myself like 70-80% and there are times when this equation is disturbed. But I come back to my center in time.

    1. Hey Sadje – shock is the right word to use – it kicked me when l wasn’t expecting it in a way l wasn’t expecting – sure the monetary problem was a big shock, but that’s sorted. But it shook my foundations a bit and purely just redefined the pathway for me – so l am pleased at my Top Gun moment 🙂

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